Invisible Mom

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kjade, Nov 21, 2009.

  1. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Invisible Mother.....

    It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

    Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

    Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

    I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

    One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..
    I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

    In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

    A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by
    the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

    I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

    No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction.. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

    I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

    When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there..'

    As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

    Great Job, MOM!
  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Wow~~~another great one!
  3. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Now I'm speechless..................
  4. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Kjade I have been struggling with this issue for several months, feeling unseen, useless, frustrated because someone always wants more. Quite often more that I have to give. What you have written is so beautiful and hit home for me. I am building something great, 4 something's that are great!

    It doesn't matter what is noticed or unnoticed because we as moms are doing one of the hardest jobs ever, and we are great at it!

  5. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thanks ladies..
    Debra, I didn't write this (I wish I did, because I really COULD have written it).

    I rec'd this in an email, and it could not have come at a better time. It just opened my eyes to a lot. I too have been struggling a lot lately..feeling like I am useless and invisible. I often will get so frustrated and just think to myself "these kids don't need me; there is really no point to me even being here." Sometimes I feel like they just use me for all of their needs, and I feel so unappreciated. They only talk to me when they want something, and they treat me pretty rotten sometimes. They yell at me when they can't find something; I am the one they blame when they lose something. They will tell me I must have put it somewhere, since they don't know what they did with it. It can be so frustrating.

    I struggle daily with feeling invisible. I work my butt off, and it often feels like there is no positive return. I am just a bank; a meal ticket; a cheauffer; an organizer; a teacher; a housekeeper, ect.. Do they realize how much of my time is spent making sure they have clean clothes that FIT, making sure their schoolwork is done and organized, making sure they are signed up for everything they want to do, and making sure those checks are written (with money I DON'T have) so they can do the fun things they want?

    No the daily things we do...all of the work - it doesn't feel very rewarding. And often I feel like I am just here to be everyone's punching bag. A lot of times, it doesn't feel really good.

    But after reading this letter about the Cathedrals, I just cried. I took a step back and tried to see the whole picture. When my children are out in the world, they are very polite, very respectful and very kind. They do well in school, in sports, and they have a lot of friends. Other kids like them. If I wasn't doing my job (building the little bricks each day) they would not be turning out to be such wonderful human beings...who someday are going to make a difference in this world. They are a direct reflection of me and my husband, and in all reality, I couldn't be more proud of them. Knowing that God sees all of my sacrifices (even though no one else does) makes it all seem worthwhile. My real reward is seeing these beautiful children flourish in this world, and knowing that I am really the most important person in their lives.

    I hope all mothers know what an important job they have. And yes, it is the toughest job in the world, and has by far been my greatest challenge in life. This letter also came as a real blessing for me. I had forwarded it to my own mother, and for the first time in a REALLY long time, she told me how proud she is of me, and the job I am doing raising my children. It was something I have been waiting a LONG time to hear, and it really felt wonderful.

    I;m so glad you all enjoyed this letter too.
  6. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    You are abolutely right about us mom's being or surely feeling INVISIBLE. I remember that feeling so well sepecially when the kids lived at home. The kids also have selective hearing so they cannot hear anything you are saying to them, EXCEPT perhaps for something that they really want, and you might have just whispered that one.

    Be patient, this to shall pass ands then your kids will have the same thing with their kids :) !!

    Keep at it Kjade and those of you with a young family and or teenagers too. You are doing very very important things for your children every day. Those of you who also work out of the home and then come home to the kids are especially in need of patience. I believe God has a special place in heaven for all us mothers who have had to appear INVISIBLE all these years on earth(for our children mostly).



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