Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Jodi_B, Aug 31, 2005.

  1. Jodi_B

    Jodi_B New Member

    Sleep deprivation turns me into a raving lunatic! I recently had three consecutive days of being sleep deprived and I didn't realize just how miserable I made life for my husband until the fourth day when, after I'd finally had a good night, he said "for three days you were downright mean and cruel and now you act like everything is fine." That stopped me dead in my tracks. Hard to believe that I didn't realize just how awful I had been and how big a change there was after some restful sleep.

    It's to the point that apologies are a poor salve for all the deep wounds I inflict with my cutting words. I could kick myself! But the damage is done as soon as those words leave my mouth.

    Just three years into our marriage, his affection has severely eroded and I'm sure a big part of it is because of my ugly behavior at times. Telling him to not "take it personally" I think would be a waste of time, for if it was him treating me like that, I think it would be impossible NOT to take it personally.

    I'm going to try to prevent future "attacks" by forewarning him when I'm having a RBD (Really Bad Day) and hope that I can just keep my mouth shut!

    I just happened across a web site that I am going to visit every single day. Yes, the message is biblical in that it speaks of Christ's love for us, but when I applied the same words to me and my husband, I just cried. The message, the beautiful music and images also had a very calming affect and I'm hoping it might just be some help in calming me down and making me stop and think before doing any more damage with my words.

    Please go to:

    And enjoy.

    Would like to hear from anyone who has any other tips --besides sewing my mouth shut or cutting off my tongue :eek:) on how to deal with the mood swings -- both for the FMS gal herself and for her DH.

    Jodi B.

  2. Jodi_B

    Jodi_B New Member

    I just went back to the web site I mentioned above. I scribbled down the key phrases that really hit home with me, then typed them up in a pretty font, printed it and taped it to the bottom of my monitor. Here's hoping it does some good! Those phrases are:

    Love is patient and kind...
    It is not arrogant or rude.

    Love does not insist on its own way...
    It is not irritable or resentful.
    It does not rejoice at wrongdoing.

  3. SingFMAway

    SingFMAway New Member

    Dear Jodi,

    Sounds pretty rough! I'm also three years into my marriage. I too get rather irritable sometimes. I called my DH a dummy the other day. I was apauled at myself as soon as the word came out. (One of the reasons I fell in love with him was his intelligence. I have prided myself on the fact that when we argue we don't insult the other's intelligence. Woops. :( )

    I think it's a great idea to forwarn your husband when you're having a bad day. I find it helpful to assure DH that I'm not angry at HIM, but at the bad day and how crappy I feel.

    Also, pay attention to yourself as much as you can. If your body is screaming from pain and lack of sleep, find away to take care of yourself. I find that relaxing music and deep breathing help calm me down and get to sleep.

    Talk to your DH and tell him how upset you are with yourself for hurting him, and that you are working on finding a better balance for yourself.

    Strength, courage and peace to you.

  4. elsa

    elsa New Member

    Hi Jodi,

    Those are two great phrases to live by. I have a suggestion for you that I have used in the past.

    I have written letters ( or a long note on a beautiful card ) to my husband after a particular episode
    where I behaved like the world owed me.

    I agree with you that saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to cut it.

    By writing your apology, (and I'm talking more then just a few words here), you are showing how much this really means to you. Taking the time to get your thoughts together and writing it out shows sincerity. You have invested time and energy into this way more then just saying the words. It has meant alot to my husband in the past.

    I make sure I don't justify my behavior or credit it to
    CFS/FM ( even though it may be true). The point to my letters were to apologize, not to explain.

    I also have included ( like mentioned in above posts ) what steps I planned to take to improve. More importantly, I asked my husband for help in form of suggestions, etc. in
    improving my behavior. Asking for his thoughts on the matter showed him that HE matters to me.... at least that is what he shared with me.

    I used to be a holy terror during my PMS days. Thought by saying "it's not personal, just hormone driven" that I had carte blanche to behave in any manner I felt like and would be off the hook for it responsibility wise.

    Someone I respect greatly told me years ago ... no body has a GOD given right or built in excuse to behave
    less then they want to be treated. It really made me pause.
    Like you, I was appauled at my behavior and ashamed of myself.

    Since then, I have taught myself to keep my mouth shut.
    Not easy, but I did it. Now I just say .... "I'm being quite now". It's code for my husband to know a bad mood is lurking and I'm trying to control my childish behavior.

    Good luck to you. It takes time to adjust your behavior and probably a little bit of time for your husband
    to believe in those changes, but it does happen.

    It is so obvious that you are crazy about your
    husband or you wouldn't be worried about this. You'll work
    it out !!

    Take care,


  5. Michelle01

    Michelle01 New Member

    Yes I am the same.The irritabilty is so hard to control added to depression and PMS--what a mix!
    We had a blow up last night ,he was partly to blame his behaviour was idiotic and hurtful and I just lost it.Combined with all the pain,IBS and PMT I was at the end of my rope.It is still tense-.
    I am newly diagnosed and I read in another thread about denial, not wanting to know about it and resentment.This is me as well.
    To think there is no cure-just management seems absurd to me.And that it wont go away-I will have it for good -makes me really angry.
    My rheumatologist is great,I have started to see him and will plan an approach,but its early days for me.
    I wonder if my husband is in denial too.He feels for me I know but why dies he react so badly when things get difficult?
    Anyway its best to be positive.Or a least try to be.

    [This Message was Edited on 09/02/2005]
  6. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Boy, by the late afternoon and dinner I was a real bear. I was wondering what was wrong, but didn't know until I came up here and was going to take my night time meds out of the pill box. I saw where I had forgotten the Prozac.

    I just went ahead and took it. I take the med for the chronic pain of FMS, but apparently it is helping other problems. lol

  7. 123sandra

    123sandra New Member

    I always warn my DH. He knows I don't mean what I say. I just try to keep out of the way.
    Before you fly off the handle again just try walking away.
    Believe me it's easier arguing with YOURSELF, you never lose and DON'T hurt the ones you love.
    Good luck
  8. kirsty28

    kirsty28 New Member

    sometimes my husbands cheerfulness can get to me because i am in pain. it's as if i can't laugh with him because i am so fed up with it all. when my pain is better i am like a different person...i had some councelling which helped me think about how i am like 2 different people switching from happy to darn right unhappy daily/weekly. it has helped but i still feel irritated by my loved oned cos their health is okay and they are great..which is a bit unfair but iam being honest...xx
  9. Michelle01

    Michelle01 New Member

    I have a way--I warn the family in a jokey way something like "ok, I am having a major FM day today"
    It works well, esp with the kids- 10 and 15yrs.They even make me a cup tea when I hop onto the bed for a rest !

    I have explained in a clear uncomplicated way about FMS and they understand.Husband is usually greta but the work pressure is huge at the moment.

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