Irritable all the time towards my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Honora88, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. Honora88

    Honora88 Member

    My boyfriend has been nothing been great. however, I am always irritable at him. I think I am taking things out on him and feel restricted and stressed about money, about whether I can go back to school, about our housing sitaution.

    It's this terrible habit that seems so hard to break. I say I will change, but once he gets home, I start on him again.

    How can I break this chain.
  2. marti_zavala

    marti_zavala Member

    It may also be chemical. When we are toxic, our nerves endings are raw. Add the other stressors and it is irritability.

    Try taking a little valerian root just before he gets home. It is calming herb and is used to help deal with toxicity. Also GABA, l-theanine might help.

    On a long term basis, make sure you are detoxing your normal body wastes every day, things like ammonia (use yucca), limit chemicals in, enough magnesium to keep bowels cleared.

    Most of our issues are biochemical in nature.
  3. cookie1960

    cookie1960 New Member

    You're sick, you're in pain, and it sounds like you're under a lot of stress. Welcome to MY WORLD!

    I'm irritable all the time with my husband. But he understands it's the situation - not him personally.

    If your boyfriend is a trooper - he will get over it. Just tell him to give you a big hug when you get "irritable". We all need someone we can vent with.

  4. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    Yep. I hafta keep an eye on that, too!

    There are several reasons why I do it.

    The first is, he's a wonderful man and when I'm flaring and my nerves are raw and I'm walking around the house like the Bride of Freakin Frankenstein, wincing or yelping every time I move, I don't understand why a wonderful man would settle for me. Or I feel "disabled" with a condition that continues in my 40s and he's 14 years younger and he's going to leave me anyway, so what's the point? Everybody knows younger and prettier and walking gracefully is preferable. (please note sarcasm)

    Another reason is that I look to him as the person closest to me, to make me feel better. Without even realizing it. I want him to rub my shoulders or say something eloquent and wonderful or just DO something to HELP ME FEEL BETTER! And that's not his job. OK, yeah, a foot rub once in awhile wouldn't suck but the bottom line is that I'm responsible for my happiness and I'm responsible for how I feel. Period. He's got his own feelings and his own issues to deal with. I must address mine. Including my pain treatment issues.

    Yet another reason is that especially when I'm flaring, I'm incredibly sensitive to others' moods and feelings. If he comes home in a grumpy mood, I think, "Great. I've got all this pain and discomfort and now I'm dealing with his cranky a$$. If he felt HALF the discomfort I'm dealing with right now, he would KNOW he has nothing to complain about...he'd be curled up in the fetal position on the floor..." Yeah. That little voice in my head can be a real bitch sometimes. I have to remind myself that I need to listen to him and take his concerns seriously REGARDLESS of how I'm feeling on that particular day. His problem are important to him. That's enough. I have no business trying devalue his concerns because I feel my pain should override everything everybody else is undergoing.

    The main thing to remember is not to judge yourself if you have feelings like I described above. Everybody has them at one time or another. The key is to just observe that you're having that feeling and that as a feeling, it will pass. You don't have to act on it or shout it out to the world. The icky feeling is there one minute and the next minute you're watching a cute kitty cat on a commercial for flea and tick medicine and you're smiling all over the place...feelings come and go.

    When I feel irritable or resentful toward someone, and that person isn't outwardly acting in an abusive manner (that part is important), the cause is usually due to something I'm thinking or feeling about myself in that moment.

    Your experience may vary. :)


  5. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Well the good news is that you recognize your behavior and want to change it! That's half the battle.

    I have been married for almost 22 years to one of the nicest, kindest men in the world! I can be a real b*tch - part of the problem, is that I know I can be, meaning he's not going anywhere. THEN I got smart and realized, don't be stupid, there is no guarantee that he won't get tired of my moods. My whole attitude changed and I am SO incredibly appreciative of what I have. Do I still get irritable - yep, but I am very careful and my episodes are much less frequent. I still "go off" over certain things, but once I do, I let it go, when before I used to go on and on and on. He knows when Im hurting badly.

    Unfortunately, we often treat our families worse than we would dare treat anyone else. That is so terrible. I decided several years ago- no more yelling or any other behavior that I didn't like. I feel SO good about those changes.

    You can break the chain if you decide to. Great advice above.
    I had to remind myself that if I was talked to or treated the way that I was treating my husband, I'd be crushed. If he's a keeper - remind yourself of that.

    Of course, cut yourself some slack as well. When we don't feel well physically and/or mentally it's very difficult to be sweet and cheerful. I sometimes warn my husband "I'm cranky today" or "forgive me ahead of time, but I really don't feel well today". He gives me a big hug.

    As I said, by recognizing your behavior and wanting to change it means you're half way there!

    I could NEVER get through my life now without my husband. I make sure to tell him everyday how grateful I am for him. I truly wish every person here had someone like him.


    BILLCAMO New Member

    I think some of it is due to the "chain of pain" and because of the other things we have to fight.

    I usually try to be pretty quiet when I'm feeling cranky.

    Because I know that no matter how much someone loves you and they try to understand , being hit with the cranky chain still hurts.

    Blessings ,


    I thought I'd add some ((((((HUGS)))))) to my reply.

    They're much nicer ! :>)
    [This Message was Edited on 07/09/2008]
  7. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Everyone here has given you good advice. One more thing you might look into is your consumption of omega 3 fatty acids. They are very important for mental health and preventing depression, and the typical American diet has very little of them, and instead is high in omega 6 fatty acids.

    You might try taking a good fish oil, 3 or 4 large softgels a day, and see if it helps. It might improve your mood and make everything easier to deal with.

  8. Honora88

    Honora88 Member

    I've decided to give him a dollar everytime I am cranky
  9. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I suggest becoming more aware of it as soon as you can, like immediately if possible, but whenever you realize it let him know right then that it isn't him. Every time. I just say, "I'm sorry it isn't you, I just feel very sick and I'm in terrible pain." This works for us.