Irritating Things People Say And Do!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by srobins, Mar 3, 2006.

  1. srobins

    srobins New Member

    I have a blog on CFIDS, FM and IC Disease and I thought I would copy and paste here my post from 2 days ago. If you have anything I can add to it of irritating things people say, please let me know!

    Irritating Things People Say And Do




    Isn't it amazing some of the things that people will say to us regarding our illnesses? With strangers, you can understand why they would not be very sympathetic, but when it is friends, family members, and loved ones, you think you would get more empathy. It is very hard for people who do not suffer with these diseases to understand how we feel and we do need to vent sometimes. But we just want someone who will listen to us and not look at us like we have three eyeballs. I thought it would be a great way for me to vent by listing some of the things that have been said to me and what my response has been, or what I would like to say...

    1. "Well, it could be worse. You could have cancer."

    Response: "Yes, it could be worse. But by saying that to me, you are downplaying how I truly feel and making light of my situation, and dismissing my feelings. After all, I have talked to people with cancer and many of their symptoms are the same as what I go through every day."

    2. "You just have to push yourself! Make yourself get up and go!"

    Response: "Duh! Don't you think I would if I could? Do you really think I just want to lay in this bed? I am telling you that today, I CANNOT do it!"

    3. "You could be in my shoes and have MY problems, which are worse than yours." (Don't you HATE when people do this? Turn the subject around to be about their problems in hopes of making your illness seem insignificant?")

    Response: I am sorry that you are ill also, but unless you are in my shoes you cannot honestly say that your problems are worse and by saying that, you are completely being ignorant towards my feelings and not realizing that I am suffering from a very real, debilitating disease.

    4. "You would feel better if you would go to bed at night and sleep instead of staying up till the wee hours of the morning."

    Response: Do you think that I would purposely stay up till 3:00 or 4:00 a.m., sleep only a few hours, just to get up, feel miserable because I am sick and because I haven't slept, then have to take care of a child all day? Yeah, sounds like my idea of a fun time! Insomnia is part of my illness and if it was always that easy to go to sleep, even with the aid of sleep medications, don't you think I would be sleeping?"

    5. "You don't look sick." (I haven't had this happen to me too many times just because I do look awful much of the time. My husband says my eyes give me away, but on the few occassions I have looked good, I get this.)

    Response: Well gee, I'm sorry! I will make sure my outside matches how bad I feel on the inside next time. Any suggestions?

    6. "I am twice your age and can do twice as much as you! It's your generation - all lazy."

    Response: I am sorry you feel that way. Me, lazy? Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you otherwise. Age doesn't determine health status. Sorry that you havea such little knowledge about chronic illness - it must be the generation you are from.

    7. "You just need to snap out of it and take anti-depressants or something! No one can be sick EVERY DAY!"

    Response: Sorry, but being a hypochondriac is not on my top ten list of life aspirations. This just goes to show how unknowledged you are and how little you know.

    8. Don't you just love the stares you get from people when they see you riding around in the electric carts at Wal-Mart? They give you the once over don't they?
  2. srobins

    srobins New Member

    Thanks! That's a good one, I will be adding that. I guess I have kind of gotten that one from my husband when he makes the comment, "I can't believe you haven't been out of this house in (however many) days!
  3. jeniwren

    jeniwren New Member

    GGGRRRR...stupid ignorant people!!

    Jen
  4. leubie

    leubie New Member

    " OH-WHY DONT YOU JUST HOP UP AND GET A SHOWER,GET DRESSED,FIX HAIR,PUT ON MAKE-UP--YOULL FEEL BETTER.-----GO ON TO WORK--(9 HOURS A DAY)--YOULL FEEL BETTER.---IF NOT YOU CAN COME BACK HOME.(SORRY--IF YOU ARE AT WORK---THEY ARE NOT JUST GONNA LET YOU COME HOEM!!!!!!)----I KNOW THEY MEAN WELL----THEY JUST DO NOT GET IT!!!!!!!!!I HAVE NOT EVEN TOLD MY WORK ABOUT MY FIBRO------I DONT WANT THEM TO THINK I CANT DO THE JOB!!!!!!!LOV TO ALL---LAURA
  5. angelkisses6

    angelkisses6 New Member

    Well my mother inlaw has told me if i just act like iam not sick then i will be ok i just have to fight it and ignore it,and my husband? he says i need to excerise,ya ok i'll do just that now who would have thought it would be that easy? lol,take care all and just start nodding your head and smiling through clenched teeth like you would a child, marieann
  6. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    it seems to be all over this message board too. There seem to be people on the board with cures and condemning those who are not recovered. My doctors who are some of the leading research doctors on CFS/FM say there is no cure. There are different degrees of improvement and for a few unlucky souls it will only get worse. Here too you are finding people that think if you read enough, eat a certain food, have a positive attitude, don't take pain medication, or any medication you will heal this body. I plan on being one that gets better but I am told that I must learn to accept this disease and my new life and to learn my energy level and to abide within my guidelines. I just left another thread and therein holds my anger at the moment. I didn't even respond. I like all of you have probably tried everything. In fact, if I had rested more I probably would have been better. And LOL the money I have spent. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest tonight. It's been a couple of really tough weeks and I turn to this board for understanding. By the way, I've had cancer. I had breast cancer twice. Finally they removed both breast and moved my stomach muscle & skin to make breasts(along with implants). I've had radiation. They removed my uterus for severe precancerous cells and later my ovary for a tumor. Then they took part of my colon because of what appeared to be cancer but it was scar tissue from where the radiation scattered. I just wanted to let you know you were right. Cancer was something I could fight. It didn't take my brain and people were nice. But the extensive and amount of surgeries started this DD.

    My suggestion is just read some of the messages on this board and you can some new material for your blog. Take care and good health to you.
  7. FMhurts

    FMhurts New Member

    So many times people have made the comments, "just get up "and "You got to make your self", "you got to push yourself"."If you would only try you can get over this".
    Sure thing! Well lord knows I've pushed myself I've tried ,I've taken any herb, any meds, anything possible to make myself well, but people who are not going thru this type of illness, have no idea what there talking about.A good lesson just occured in my family , my father has had congestive heart failure and struggles every day just to get up. My mother on the other hand has been blessed with health most of her life. She has told me over the past 5 years ,your Dad wont try to do anything all's he wants to do is sit in his chair.
    Well mind you he only has 1/3 of his heart, from years of extreme high blood pressure.,My mother was resently diognosed with high blood pressure and has been so weak she can't get out of bed, I just had to kinda bring up to her , this is the way Daddy has felt for 5 years now, energy-less.
    She couldn't know what he was going thru until shes got her butt knocked down. shes never had compassion on me and me with 17 years of F.M. I realize its been because she just couldn't know unless she walked in my shoes.
    Its a shame we as people can't just have care and compassion without having to suffer to get it.
    But if your all like me its a lesson well learned. I hear of someone with F.M. and I get chills up my spine, I think dear God help them. Its truely something no one understands unless they live it.
    My heart goes out to anyone sick, its no fun being where you can't live a normal life.
    Thats why I go out of my way to have compassion towards my fellow man, Lord knows I don't want to have to go thru what others go thru just to care.
    I seem to lean more towards older people for friendship, with F.M. it makes you feel old , I have allot of friends in there 70's and 80's .They aren't well and I can identify with them.
    well I'm out of here..getting a fibro fog..how wonderful as always..
  8. livin4him

    livin4him New Member

    yeah, right! How am I gonna do that when I don't even the energy to devote to myself much less someone else. Why do people think that if your single you need someone? Uggggg!

    You need to do this, you need to do that...
    You need to stay positive...
    Just don't tell me what I need to do.

    The other one is I thought you were on new medicine, etc., is that not helping? Then you don't even have the energy to answer.

    The list can go on and on, couldn't it?

    I don't think anyone can really understand this until they also get sick (for any length of time).
    [This Message was Edited on 03/05/2006]
  9. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I had to defend my hubby for 5 years now to all my coworkers and our family.Now I am sick and everything they tried to say about him they are saying about me. The best one is you have made yourself sick being with a person who is ill.I hurt bad too I here that all the time. You need to get out and to excercise IF you were only happy. BLah blah blah People p me off sometimes.The same person everyday says how are you then you say not too good, Oh my God your always sick, Real disgusted SO why Ask me just to put me down!!!OPh yes i am a hypochondriac It doesnt matter that I use to work all the time come home clean and swim and take walks it's like they forgot how you use too be.
  10. jami117

    jami117 New Member

    Hi Rick,

    I agree that there are a full range of abilities within this illness. I've had fibro since the 1960's and was officially diagnosed in 1978. CFS took over in the 1980's. I adapted to all the ups and downs. Left a profession I loved and learned a new one that I could do longer as I became sicker. Finally couldn't move in 1999 - had to quit job - was in bed for over a year. My daily goal was to get dressed and make my bed each day. I usually did, even if it was 5 p.m. Then I'd lay right back down, but it was on a made bed and I was dressed. That just felt important to me and made each day real for me. Other complications have arisen, so I'm able only to take care of the most pressing daily tasks. The rest of the time I'm down.

    My feeling regarding attitude is that each person has a right to their own. In my case, I think being upbeat would be just plain silly. That doesn't mean I'm not still working every waking moment to try to get some of my life back. I do get very annoyed when professionals and others talk to me about the importance of a positive attitude. It feels very much like I'm being told to "be sweet" and not push for new ideas to try to improve things. I'm a much happier person being pragmatic, brash, and pushy about my illness and accepting that it's the pits. It hasn't made me a better person, I haven't learned any great life lessons from it. I was a good person before I was suffering from constant pain and fatigue, and my life lessons came from the caring things I did for family, friends, and others through community and public services. I'm miffed that's been taken from me.

    But I realize and accept that other people need to approach the illness differently. If you'll refrain from saying I that I need to be positive, I promise not to tell you to get real. It will work best for finding a cure if we all continue to work together with our diverse approaches to living with FM/CFS.

    Take good care,
    Jami




    [This Message was Edited on 03/05/2006]
  11. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    The worst thing of all is smelling pizza fresh from the oven, hearing my dad and brothers laughing together and digging in to their dinner, talking about their day... and knowing that I can't join in. Can't eat pizza, don't have the energy to be around so much sound and action, don't have a day to speak of, and can't share with them, even though we are in the same house.

    Another painful thing is seeing a gold and peach sunrise after staying up all night. Seeing the sidewalks fresh with snow and patterened with a hundred different footprints, and knowing I can't go out there, that I am too sick to walk anymore.

    And it hurts me to hear the pleading helplessness in the voice of the old lady I call to cheer up when she keeps asking me, "Isn't there anything the doctors can DO for you? There must be something they can DO?" And to not respond to my grandma's e-mails because I don't know what to say.
  12. Cambird

    Cambird New Member

    I've been ill for more then 15 years and my mother says "Don't you realise you're wasting your life?" like I'm having a great time laying in bed all day with no life.

    Also, when ever she phones she asks "how are you?" and if I tell the truth it starts an argument, so I have to lie, which is unfair.
  13. ckzim

    ckzim New Member

    "there's nothing wrong with you!" Its like nails down a chalk board for me!

    What I do totally takes them by surprize...I say..."oh your so funny!" with a big smile...then go straight faced! Then I say..But there is something wrong with you...you can't hear!
    Unfortunaltley(sp)..it's my siblings...brothers especailly.
    Ok..I'm getting angrey thinking about it!

    HUGS
    KathyZ
  14. skierchik

    skierchik New Member

    You took my quote out of text, please re-read. And I agree with you, we need to stay as positive as we can, considering the situation.

    You can get better, I have.

    Love,

    skierchik
  15. skierchik

    skierchik New Member

    Did someone actually say that to you? Ugh!!

    skierchik
  16. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Something similar might have been said, but I received an email just the other day from a DIL.
    I have long ago stopped trying to explain this DD to her....I just tell them I am not up to a visit (when I am not).

    Anyway...she said...Maybe if you would get out an do some volunteer work a few days a week you would feel better!!!

    I DID email her back with........WELL,IF I COULD VOLUNTEER.....I WOULD BE WORKING TO HELP PAY THE BILLS!!

    I was so HOT that day! And I am a rather calm person overall.

    Mari
  17. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I think that's top of my list. I'm allergic to all perfumes, even the ones household soaps and household everything, air fresheners are the worst.

    Every time I speak up about someones car or house ones, they always, ALWAYS , respond like that. How come no one every has new or semi new airfresheners? How come everyones airfresheners are always virtually unscented? makes me wonder what the point in having them is.

    Arrrgggghhhh.


    Jeanne
  18. Solaris_Starr

    Solaris_Starr New Member

    Here's one I just can not stand to hear anylonger!!!!!!!!!!!!

    " Well, your test results are in and they are all normal, you seem fine, I just don't know what to tell you"?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If they are all normal....every time......why have I been so sick for the past 15 yrs?????????????? Maybe we should stop performing the same old tests every time and do something NEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moron!

    Argggggggg....most of the anoying things said come from Doctors.

    Solaris