Is anyone envious of their former self?!?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ILoveGreen, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. ILoveGreen

    ILoveGreen New Member

    Why don't people who HATE their lives get FM? Who would possibly want to make up such a host of ailments when they have an otherwise great life?

    Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with family and friends (especially family) when they don't acknowlege our distress? I've tried explaining both verbally and in writing to no avail, and avoidance only works for so long...
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hellped me to cope with the loss of my former lifestyle.

    We waste our energy trying to convince skeptics that we are sick. We need to learn to purge toxic people from our lives. If it's family, it's more difficult. I just avoid people who are energy drainers. One exception is a friend that I stood by through her cancer treatments. I told her, "Pity the poor person who gets sick and has to put up with the eye rolling and lack of empathy." She got the message. Each situation and relationship requires different techniques. Sometimes, we just have to stand up to insensitive people.

    The absolute worst thing we can do is give away our personal power and pander to those who treat us like crap. They aren't worth it. Better to stand up to them and/or cut them out of our lives than to run ourselves ragged trying to convince them we are sick. People with other diseases get sympathy and offers of help and, yet, those who claim to love us will abuse us in our hour of need. It's not right and certainly pulls the curtain back on their true character.

    Love, Mikie
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Mikie is right. Get the toxic people outta your life. Best advice I
    ever got from a therapist.

    Not much point in arguing with most people. If they are convinced
    the Earth is flat, not likely to change their mind. Very little one can
    do if they are convinced that you would get well if you just:

    had a positive attitude; exercised; got married; got divorced; got
    a job; moved to a better climate; etc.

    Good luck
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Good advice, Rock. My favorite was from that quack, Dr. Weil. He said people with immune and autoimmune illnesses were "so much fun to treat." His advice was to tell them to "fall in love." OMG! What an insult. He says these things with his insipid smile. No wonder people don't think we're ill with a "health expert" like him saying such idiotic things.

    Jam, we have a lot in common. I also lived my life to the fullest and it has meant that I don't feel as though I've missed out on a lot. I always had a sense of urgency when it came to doing things I wanted to accomplish in life. I listened to that little voice and took the road less traveled and it HAS made all the difference.

    I think even young people can learn to set boundaries. It's not OK for others, especially those who claim to love us, to be unkind to us. These lives we lead are not led in a vacuum. While we are learning to set boundaries and clean out the toxic relationships in our lives, the toxic people should be learning the consequences of their behavior. Perhaps when we're not around anymore, they realize the value of the relationship they destroyed. I do believe in Karma and have seen it in action. The Golden Rule should guide us all in our relationships with others. Some haven't learned this and, unfortunately, some have to learn it by losing our friendship. It's their loss. It's ours too but we have to protect ourselves and put ourselves first. That is another really important lesson, to put ourselves first.

    Good discussion.

    Love, Mikie
  5. ILoveGreen

    ILoveGreen New Member

    The suggestion for grief therapy was especially interesting to me. At some level I do feel as if I have died and been reincarnated as a different (somewhat less zealous) version of myself. I appreciate being reminded not to give or allow anyone to take my power away from me. I may not be the uber-productive, highly social person I once was, but I'm still me.

    I am thankful for the friends (and one sister and a cousin) who've stood by me, and try not to dwell on the other nay-saying siblings. It is a sad reality that I must "cut bait" and disengage my thinking of them as priority people in my life. We all used to be so close. Since I don't have children and am single, there is no common bond with us other than blood and fond childhood memories which I falsely believed to be the strongest bonds of all.

    Living in a rural community, it's pretty slim pickings as far as therapists go. The ones I've tried hadn't a clue about FM and to say they were less than compassionate would be an overstatement. I will keep trying; I need someone to be accountable to in order to stay on track with the decisions and changes I'm making to better my situation. I am not afraid of criticism, as long as it's constructive.

    Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it.
  6. heapsreal

    heapsreal New Member

    I find it a viscious circle still ie accepting this illness, sometimes im fine with it and can be positive with everything and then other times ive had a gut full and want to be normal. Im always on the lookout for treatments but lately everything seems to be a kick in the face as far as finding treatments. plus i still have that guilt feeling of trying to support my family financially as well as being a dad/husband. I still find it hard to relax in bed when i know my kids need me to take them out of the house and do things with them. i find it hard to let it slide. I always had in my mind that i was going to be one of those fit old dudes still running around playing competition sports and giving the young guns a run for their money and playing different sports with the kids.

    But i had a good moment today when the girls were out and me and my 13 y/o had a bonfire in the backyard and did boy things like being destructive and burning stuff, lol. He had a bad day over a friends house and im glad he got excited when i said we should have a fire, my energy wasnt too bad and throwing wood in a fire wasnt to energy zapping, lol. I would have found something like this pre cfs a strange thing to enjoy( or noticed how much i enjoyed it), but its these simple things that we dont often get the chance to do but find myself looking out for these moments, but still cant get enough of them though. Being the old dude running around doesnt seem as important now, but i wish i could do the lot, lol.