Is there a time you ever accept living with fibro/

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Mar 20, 2010.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Does any one ever accept that they have fibro and are able to deal with it? I dont' seems to be able to do it. I have had to live with pain in my life from the time I was a small child of 3 or 4, I always had bad leg aches so bad the at my bones felt like they were breaking. My Mom took me to the family doctor { mind you this was in the dark ages} who said to take Vit C and take asprin. Really didn't work I still had bad leg aches all the time.

    In my early teens my knees started acheing , feeling like some one was blowing them up from the inside out and soon my knee cap would pop off. Doctors never knew what caused me to have leg aches, head aches, just body aches all over. After I had my first daughter I twisted my knee and went to an othropedic for the first time. He was a great doctor and he tried every thing to help me feel better. I had injections in my knee's and learned that cortisone only made my knees hurt worse than ever before.

    Years later I have now had 4 knee surgeries all scopes. But oother problems are getting worse, I had bad female problems , I kept being told that after you have a baby you will feel better, but I didn't ever. In 1990 I had a total hyseterectomy, both tubes , ovaries, and cervix, I was 34 at the time. I have been blessed to have three beautiful daughters whom I love so much and treasured each one. But I always felt that I was missing someone and now my chance at having a baby was gone. My doctor told me that even if I had not had the hyester I would not have been able to carry another baby. Too many things were wrong and un fixalbe. I had my first panic attack that night.

    That was 20 yrs ago adn yet I still remember it as iif it were yesterday, it seemed from that point on I had more headaches that were harder to get undercontrol, I hurt all over for no reason, I didn't have fevers but I chillled, I was so spacey all the time even when I had not taken any pain medications. At first I was given T3's I don't think I ever had a script that was for more than 15 pills. Take 1-2 pills every 4-6 hours. They don't last very long when your in so much pain and taking 2 pills every 6 hours.

    AS the years went by the pain got worse and getting a doctor to understand why I had pain , that was real but No one else had ever had it. I hated askeing for pain meds , they were hard to get and when you dont' have a "REAL" reason for the pain your in it is even harder to get your doctor to prescribe some thing stronger than avil for you. I was finally Dx'ed in 1999 and was given a stronger pain meds not by much but I had to sign a contract that said I would see only one doctor, one pharmacy, ect. I finally thought I had a real doctor that belived in me, But even with the contract I had to call him to see him when the meds didn't work like we had hoped they would. He didn't last long as a pain doctor , here in a small town pain doctors are not easily found. Most people think that a pain doctor just "hands" out any pain med you want { Ask and you shall receive} NOT!.
    I finally did find a great pain doctor and for a while had my pain eased but after 2001 my pain became worse, It could have been becaues my daughter was leaving to be a nanny in CT right after Sept 11. in CT. That was far too close to ground zero and I was stressed that some thing bad would happen to her.
    She was fine and I adjusted to her working far from home.

    But then there were trouble for my pain doctor rumors had started about him and then he was charged with sexual assult. It was a mistake, he got took, one of his patients was mad because he would not refill her narcotic pain meds when ever she wanted so she lied and then got busted for perscription fraud. My doctor went to trail and was found guilty of the lesser charge, he did not haev to serve any jail time but had his medical license suspended. So no doctor for me.
    The doctor I have now does not care about me as a person, patient, does not remember when he last saw me sa a patient, forgets to infrom his patients that he is going out of town for two weeks every frew months. That really mess's up my med schedule.
    He thinks that he does not need to see me often as there is nothing he can do for me. I don't want to go thru haveing knee injections that are not going to help and will only cause me more pain. {Been there done that} I am not ready to have both knee's replaced, so to him there is nothing but writing me scripts for pain. And he does not need to see me to do that.
    A few months ago I had an abcessed tooth that had to be pulled and I called him about my pain meds, was there some tihng I could take temp until the tooth was pulled? No just cut your msir in half and take 1 & 1/2 pills every 4 hrs , that used up more of them than usual. Good thing I don't take them like I should {Script says take MSIR 4 x a day I usually take 2 maybe three max} HE didn't even call to ask me how I was doing or ask me if I needed more pills to make up for the extra ones I used. I am so sick of him not caring abot me but there are no tohere doctors around here and the ones that are in bigger towns cost more, don't take new patients, and question why did you want to change doctors? It causwes huge problems for me. I don't have a car that can drive long distance's monthly thru a canyon over a 100 miles.
    Now my life is just filled with pain, we are going into forcloseure with in a month, that has me stressed out. I am so tired of always being in pain of having my ankle swell up for just because, having more head aches, chills, just feeling like i have been pulled thru a knot hole back wards, I don't feel like me any mroe, I have not slept in my bed at night for months, I toss and turn moan and cry in my sleep , waking up my Hubby. It is easier to sleep on the couch and go to bed when he leaves for work in the morning. I am so sick of this I can't find a way out of being in pain of not having family members understand why I dont' rememer things they said yesterday or a month ago. My SILS wonder if I am saaafe to take care of my grandbabies when they are babies because I take DRUGS and can't stand up for long periods of time. I can't stand up with out the pain pills, I wobble when i walk, my knee's don't starighten out flat any more. I am not me any more, I am fibro me and no one gets that. I didn't ask for this, I don't want to be on pain meds for ever, I hate taking them, but if I don't I can't function because I hurt so badly. What am I to do? I am damed if I ddo and damed if I don't, no matter what I do some one is not happy with me.

    Thanks for listening to me rant about my not living with fiibro.
    PS sorry for the bad spelling
  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Well, I'm in the same pain boat. I have no clue what to do about it. All I can say is, you aren't alone.
  3. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    I feel for you ladies.

    Sometimes I do accept this life of pain and fatigue, and I just live the best life I can. It's doable. But, other times I really struggle. That's where I am right now, struggling with this hellish illness.

    The best advice I can give you is to simply accept that right now you can't accept this thing you were given to deal with. Maybe someday you can, but it's okay that you aren't there yet.

    There is a grief cycle involved with the loss of your health. Acceptance is the final stage in that cycle. But, I bounce all over the cycle and go over the whole cycle again and again.

    I wish there were an easy answer. If there is, I don't have it.

    Hugs, and the very best to you.

  4. kat211

    kat211 New Member


    I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I have had to come to terms with this and other things that are going on with my body. I haven't had a choice. I learned very young that I was the only one who was going to take care of my self. I managed to survive an abusive childhood only to get a closed head injury when I was 19. I had tried multiple times to get away from my abusive parents and sibling, but I needed help. They told me it was all in my head (really no pun intended), gave me bloody marys to take anti seizure and other meds with, yelled at my drs who were trying to help them understand what was happening to me, and continued with their abuse and ridiculous expectations of me. Move forward a few decades, and I found myself a single mother and sick all of the time. I finally cut off all communication with them and spent my time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I was diagnosed last year after years of visiting multiple different doctors and trying just about every treatment on the planet. Fortunately, I found a wonderful doctor and have found a routine that works for me. I have been through entirely too much to allow this DD to get me down. When I have a bad day, or days, it is bad, but I know it will pass and I do what I can. I learned not to fight what I cannot control a long time ago. I also do not see myself as 'sick.' I have something I have to deal with and I can keep in check for the most part if I control myself and keep on my special diet, supplements, meds, exercise, and self care. One thing that has really helped me, above all else, is to not care what others feel or think. I cannot control anyone else or their feelings, they are the only ones who can do that. I take full ownership for myself and none for anyone else, except my young son of course, but he too will be on his own one day.
    I wish you longer stents of better days and less bad ones.