Is this JUSt ME or does added stress make your pain worse?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jun 11, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Yesterday was to have been a good day but it was NOT.
    My youngest called and informed me that she was going fishing and taking the baby with her and hubby and her MIL { That part of taking MIL and IN laws all together make her nuts}
    That was ok as I knew that at the end of the day she would call and come over or call from her grandmas and ask me to come over to play with the baby he is 14 months old.

    So I went over there for a while it was ok. Then as one SIL was cooking dinner the other SIL and my husband decieded that they were going to go fishing and did not ask the SIL who was still fixing dinner on the grill or did they take the step grandson. This did not seem to bother the SIL but TALK about having a PISSED off and upset oldest daughter. " MOM why is dad mad at us? I don't know.?

    I didn't have the answers but I had a suspsion of why the SIL and his little boy were not included in the fishing. There was about an hours worth of light left and it takes about 15-20 minutes to get to the first damn to fish and then you have about 45 min to fish before dark. And my SIL who was fixing dinner should have asked if he and the other grandson could go and asked my daugther his wife to finish cooking dinner. { She would have had a fit though as she did n't want to fix dinner .}

    IT takes the one SIL a long time to get ready. Then add the amount of time it would take for a tiny 8 year old who would have had to finsish his supper and he eats so slowly and is one who does not ask if he can do things it is always . "I would really like to do that" And when you let him do things it takes him forever to get ready to do it.So if they had asked them to go there , the sun would have set before the SIL and grandson were ready to go , so what was the point of asking them when you know this all ready.

    So needless my oldest daughter had the fit about it and ranted on and on about how her dad likes the youngest daughter better because she has the baby BOY and all of my family were GIRLS. So she feels that her youngset sister has all of DAD's atteneion because of having the First grandchild and the first Grandson.

    So she and her sister left me alone with her husband and my mom and left to go on a walk . AFter a hour or so I got in the car to go home as what was the point of staying to play with my grandsons when they were not there. So I saw them on the way home at a friends home and stopped and played with the baby who all of a sudden called to me like my daughter does. She uses my first name [ Rosemarie is not my real name} twice and it pisses me off and she being a smart mouth tells me that she will call me MOm when I start acting like one. And I have done nothing to her to make her feel this way other than having pain issues and taking pain meds. And this is a BAD things NORMAL MOM would not do.

    NEedless to say I was upset that he called me that as I don't like it. But he is still just a baby only 14 months old so I told her that if she wants me to respond to her when my grandson is there then she will call me MOM or I will not answer her. I respect her and call her by her name so it is only acceptable that she call me by MOM not my fisrt name, I don't like it. And how she says it is meant to be hurtful and demeaning to me.

    I want the grandkids to call me GRammy or gramdma not my fist name tiwce. I want respect from them not disrespect from them. It is hurting me and it is hurting the relationship between my oldest daughter and I. But she does not care about it becasue she is mad becasue I am taking pain meds and I don't listen to her and that I am NOT WORKING AND SHE FEELS THAT I AM FAKING THE PAIN AND SHOULD HAVE A FULL TIME JOB.

    I am 50 years old and I worked for over 20 years with a full time job and I did the last 10 of it with pain too and even though I was in a lot of pain I was at work.

    So back to the question about this added stress. It makes me feel ill and angry and I can't get threw to her that she needs to be more respectful to me and her dad and if she wants her husband to do things with her dad then HE should be the one that is asking not her. Both SIl's get along really well with my husband and one will ask my husband if he will go fishing or shooting the blackpowder guns together. But my second SIL lets his wife my daughter do the asking and it makes my husband thinks that the SIl really does not want to go or he would ask him to go.

    And I am sick of being in the middle. And no matter how much I tell my oldest she still thinks that she is so picked on and nothing is going right for them. They live with my mom rent free, She works for the state and he is in construction and they both drive NEW vehciles he has a new truck adn she has a 2004 car. So they feel that they can't afford to have their own apartment and my mom is in her 70's and needs some help with the house but my daughter does not do any thing for my mom . Her husband does all the cleaning not her.

    My youngest does not work as she has the baby and her husband works for the FEDREAl goverment in the army department. HE makes good money and they are buying their own home but they drive a old car that gets them where they need to go. So that they don't have to beg for money from the parents as they have over spent.

    IT is driving me NUTs as I don't know what to do about this oldest duaghters attitude towards me. I have failed in every thing accoundring to her. I don't work and I take narcotic pain meds and I don't walk when I should and I am getting so sick of this BS . I can't walk a city block and she knows this but each time I get YOU drove over here and it is a block a way can't you just WALK over here> I lost it and told her off last night telling her it was none of her concern if I walked or drove. I can't walk that far and it does not hurt to see me drive . And to butt out of this conversation. AS I am not discussing it anymore. So she is MAD at me for talking to her that way.

    I don't know what I have done to make her dis like me so much and it is painful for me as I want her to be the daughter she could be if she would learn that you have to earn things in life as not all things are given to you just because you think they should be.

    I am sorry I should not get so irratated with her and vent it here. I sound like a child instead of a mom.
    sorry ,Rosemarie
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Venting is allowed here. {{{{{ROSEMARIE}}}}}

    Does stress make your pain worse? You darn well betcha it does. Stress in one of the primary causes of pain; those tense muscles and all.

    I'm working on saving my ammunition for the big guns, and this ...... group is not worth your energy bullets. Stay away from them as much as you can.

    Sometimes we have to make very hard choices.

    Marta
  3. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Vent anytime you want!! It ALWAYS helps me feel better.

    So sorry your older daughter is not treating you well!
    You should be cherished and respected. Fortunately, my mother and I have a very close relationship.

    But, yes...STRESS is the number one cause of pain from what I have learned.

    Be gentle with yourself, and put yourself first when ever possible. Maybe a little time and distance will allow healing.

    Gentle Hugs & love,
    CockatooMom
    "E"
  4. 1975jet

    1975jet New Member

    Yes, stressI am told is a big factor. Take care of yourself and say what you like.

    Janet
  5. kriket

    kriket New Member



    Yes. Stress equals pain for me. If I get the least upset or stressed, I tense up and then start hurting all over.


    Kriket