ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH Read if you need a good laugh

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by happycanuk, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. happycanuk

    happycanuk New Member


    When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually

    find a line of women, so you smile politely and take

    your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet

    under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

    Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking

    down the woman leaving the stall.

    You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't

    matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet

    your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"

    (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but

    empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if

    there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but

    quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn

    over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank

    down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

    In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles

    begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you

    certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay

    toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

    To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach

    for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper

    dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's

    voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the

    seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

    Your thighs shake more.

    You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose

    on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh

    yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have

    to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same

    time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the

    puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your


    Someone pushes your door open because the latch

    doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is

    hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and

    you and your purse topple backward against the tank of

    the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for

    the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled

    tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing

    altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET

    SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all

    too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made

    contact with every imaginable germ and life form on

    the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet

    paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken

    time to try. You know that your mother would be

    utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain

    her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat

    because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind

    of diseases you could get."

    By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the

    toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a

    stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of

    the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers

    your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

    The flush somehow sucks everything down with such

    force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper

    dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

    At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the

    spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're

    exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you

    found in your pocket and then slink out

    inconspicuously to the sinks.

    You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with

    the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with

    spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of

    women still waiting.

    You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A

    kind soul at the very end of the line points out a

    piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where

    was that when you NEEDED it?? ) You yank the paper

    from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell

    her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

    As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since

    entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed,

    he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your

    purse hanging around your neck?"

    This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a

    public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).

    It finally explains to the men what really does take

    us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked

    questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

    It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto

    your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

    This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could

    describe it so accurately!

    Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND,

    don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save

    your life!

    A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

    Hard to Find



    Always Lifts You Up

    Never Lets You Down or

    Leaves You Hanging

    And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
  2. EgyptStarr

    EgyptStarr New Member

    That is so true it's scary! But not as scary as actually experiencing it!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  3. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    At least you are not unfairly blaming men for missing the "target"! Cheers

    [This Message was Edited on 08/02/2007]