It started out a good day

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by amaryllis, May 10, 2003.

  1. amaryllis

    amaryllis New Member

    for once. I woke up early but still wanted to stay in bed just reading for a bit, but forced myself out. I should have stayed put. Once I got up, it seemed things started on a slow decline. The horrible cervical/shoulder pain I have been battling for so long seemed to be at bay and I was afraid to even think in my mind that it might be rue for fear that I would jinx myself, isn't that just the stupidest thought? I did three loads of laundry, put it all away, cleaned my kitchen and living room, caught up on my emails which were long over due, went grocery shopping and then it hit me! The pain was bad in full force only worse and something new, too. This terrible thing I have been reading about, but had not yet experienced or so I had thought - the dreaded fibro fog. What the heck is this? I did not ask for this and I certainly do not want it. I can barely sit here and type. I am in so much pain. I am considering taking some Oxycontin but know that within three hours I will be up throwing up the only thing I managed to eat today, which is why I stay away from it. It helps only to a certain degree, but I think it might help if I took it regularly if I could stomach it, but I don't much like hanging my head over the throne even though I keep it pristine, just in case.

    I'm sorry for complaining you guys. I try to not to this here or anywhere else, especially here at home. My husband is wonderful and the most supportive person in my entire world, but when he comes home from work or calls in teh middle of the day and asks me how I am I lie to him and tell him I am fine. I know he sees through this, he's not an idiot. But I feel so helpless and lost and out of control and if the roles were reversed I imagine he must feel even worse that there is nothing he can do to help me. My goodness, how helpless he must feel! Today or tonight, rather, is just so bad. I want to cut my darned arm off to make the pain go away. My whole darned body is aching so badly and I am just waiting for the medications to kick in so I can get sleepy enough to crawl into bed and hope that sleep will come for just a few hours, but I know that after a time, I will, as always, dream that I am in pain, cry out in teh middle of the night and wake up in pain while waking my husband up as well.

    My doc is a good one and is supportive and caring, but right now I am just waiting for more testing so there is nothing more I can do than just wait. I am so bloody tired I just want to crawl into a hole and die right now. I want to take another pain pill, but the thought frightens me, because I really don't want to die as much as that thought is appealing some days. I cannot remember the simplest of things anymore. I have lists everywhere, but then fail to remember where those lists are even when they are three inches from my face. What do you do? Life just seems so hopeless these days. And tomorrow company is coming, my husband is working and the house needs to be cleaned - grrrrr! They're just going to have to understand and if they don't, they can leave.

    I'm so sorry for venting. Really, I am. I thought it would help, but it didn't. Please forgive? It's really not like me. I would much rather be here when I can and be supportive - not this. I'm sorry.

    ~A

    I'm sorry about the typos, too, but I don't really care about those much either :-(
  2. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    I have had FMS/CFS for 16 years. I am sorry that I cannot offer you much in the way of help and encouragement because I am at the end of my rope.
    I will say be thankful you have a caring and understanding husband. I am single and have to work and have no one to share this burden with. On the other hand, I have no one to dissapoint either and I have heard ill spouses who feel bad because they are not the person their spouse married.

    My only advice would be to try not to over thing the situation. You have to think of other things even if you have to rent a funny movie to get your mind off of it. You can drive yourself crazy thinking about these things. I also can't be on these message boards all that often. Hearing how everyone is suffering really gets to me. So I come in for awhile but not that often.

    Take care
    You are in my prayers.
  3. amaryllis

    amaryllis New Member

    For some strange reason I hadn't been able to get on the boards until just today and saw your reply. I appreciate your kind thoughts and words, especially since I've been feeling so down and terrible the past few days it meant to world to me to know that someone cared!

    Thank you, sweetie, for caring. Wishing you well...

    ~A
  4. danisue22

    danisue22 New Member

    That you are feeling so bad. I just wondered if oxycotin is the only thing that you could take for pain. I can't take that stuff as I end up like you in the bathroom.I take Norco which is 10mg of vicodin and 325 mg of tylenol .I have tried everything else and have'nt been able to take anything else. It works great most of the time. I take1 1/2 every 6-8 hours and it works pretty well. I hope that you can find something you could take it will make a world of difference .It's better to take it every 6 hours or so ,so you don't have the rolly coaster effect. As far as the Fibro fog you must learn to laugh about it. All of us have had some pretty funny things happen to us if you can laugh about it.Sometimes it does'nt last to long for me when it's really bad,but most of the time I'm writing notes to find notes. LOL. I really hope your feeling better soon. god Bless Danisue
    [This Message was Edited on 05/12/2003]