Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gapsych, Mar 17, 2009.

  1. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I finally rememberd the name of the contest where people send in entries containing the similies and metaphores that are similiar to the ones that I posted before.

    Google "It was a dark and stormy night" contest.

    That will take you to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Below I have copied information about the contest plus I have added some of the entries to whet your appetites, LOL!!

    Have fun!!!! gap


    An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark and stormy night."

    Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner.

    Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater - love touches you, and marks you forever.

    He was a dark and stormy knight, and this excited Gwendolyn, but admittedly not as much as last night when he was Antonio Banderas in drag, or the night before that when he was a French Legionnaire who blindfolded her and fed her pommes frites from his kepi.

    The mongrel dog began to lick her cheek voraciously with his sopping wet tongue, so wide and flat and soft, a miniature pink fleshy cape soaked through and oozing with liquid salivary gratitude; after all, she had rescued him from the clutches of Bernard, the curmudgeonly one-eyed dogcatcher, whose own tongue -- she remembered vividly the tongues of all her lovers --was coarse and lethargic, like a slug in a sandpaper trenchcoat.

    The pancake batter looked almost perfect, like the morning sun shining on the cream-colored bare shoulder of a gorgeous young blonde driving 30 miles over the speed limit down a rural Nebraska highway with the rental car's sunroof open, except it had a few lumps.



  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    kidding, Gap? Of course you know that pommes frites are apples unless they're potatoes like when you're visiting that most romantic
    of all cities Par-ree and thinking you'd rather be in Omaha because all the smirking, leering swarthy French folk
    are thinking superior and rude thoughts about you and you can just tell.

    I don't remember what a kepi is, but it shows up in old adventure books written for Boy Scouts. It's
    probably Swahili for knapsack or fanny pack or this, that and the other thing. Then again it might be
    a medium size antelope that likes to frolic on the savanna. There is one school of thought that insists it
    is the Polish spelling of Kiwi.

    Some years ago I looked up Bullmoose-Lichen. As I recall he was described as a modern writer, breaking
    free of stodgy conventions and breathing life into his work. Perhaps his current reputation is not
    altogether accurate.

    Back in the 50s a singer named Guy Mitchell had several hits. One went something like this:

    It was a dark and stormy ni-i-i-i-i-ight,
    And her hair hung down in ring-a-lets.

    She was a nice girl, a proper girl, of the rovin' kind.

    He also had a hit called Sparrow in the Treetop. There is no know connection between this song and Richard
    Virgil Bulldurham Lightin'.


  3. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

    --Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

  4. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Of course I know what pommes frites are. I make them every week. I was trying to, as a friend use to say, simulate (stimulate) conversation on the subject. It's the teacher in me.

    You are right a kepi can be a kiwi or sometimes even a banana, although some researchers say the banana does not count. Others claim the whole thing is just an urban legend started by the kiwi industry in Poland. Alas, we may never find the truth. Such is life.

    Ah, Paris. Unfortunately, when I was there is was a "drive by" visit. I would love to return. During my short stay I did not run into rude people. However the dog poop was horrendous. I accidentally brought some home to the states as I did not realize that I had stepped in it and I have a very sensitive sense of smell. Maybe French Poodles excrete odorless poop.

    Fortunately, the boots with the poop were in a plastic bag. By the time I got back, the boots did smell. I like unusual souvenir's.

    Is Gary Mitchell related to the "Chad Mitchell Trio"? Remember them? I wonder if they are still alive?

    I have never been to Omaha. Are they also rude to Americans, smoke, and have dog poop piled on the sidewalk much like a garbage pickeruppers strike. I lived through this when I was living in Chicago. Still better than the doggy do do.

    Enquiring minds want to know.

  5. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    A kepi is a hat -- a cap -- more specifically, think of what Confederate soldiers are shown wearing in illustrations. It's a bit boxy on the top and has a short bill. Or even better, what a French Legionnaire traditionally wears on his head. So basically, the sentence is talking about feeding someone french fries from their hat.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/18/2009]
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    the info, Juloo. French fries outta your hat. Reminds me of the an old radio program where
    Rush and Vic were talking about giving one's sweetheart a gunnysack full of gumdrops or a
    coal scuttle full of bonbons. I suppose today people don't know what a coal scuttle is anymore than
    they know what a kepi is.

    When I was a kid there was a brand of shoe polish yclept Kiwi. Had a picture of the bird on
    the can. Maybe they still make it. I haven't shined a shoe for decades. Or mowed a lawn. Or
    dried the dishes. Or burned the trash. Or used a typewriter. Or shoveled the walk. See James Burke,
    British authority on cultural change.

    Have never been to Paris, Gap. But my son and his bride went there for their honeymoon. They did
    bring back a few souvenirs, but none so piquant as yours.

    Chad and Guy were not related (and still aren't), but most of the group is still extant. You can see some
    of the members (old men now) singing on youtube. They still sound great.

    I saw them in concert back in the late 60s when
    John Denver was part of the trio. Talked to Joe Fraser last fall. He lives pretty close to me
    in the Silverlake area of Los Angeles.

    Haven't been to Omaha either, but it shows up often in the crosswords. Without ever having
    visited, I'm willing to be it's a lot nicer and safer than Los Angeles.