It's my BD and I'll cry if I want to (too)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CinCA, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Yep, just like Kendra, I haven't had a good BD today. Our house officially went on the market late last night, and the floodgates officially open tomorrow with the so-fun "broker preview". It still isn't 100% clean, but I am past the point of caring, as I don't want to move, anyways.

    I really haven't registered the fact it was my BD, because hubby came home late from work bearing a few internet boxes with some things in them as well as a bunch of clothes he ordered for me (his company makes cute sportswear, and it was his last day with them today, so my last day to get decent stuff for very, very cheap). It was nice, but I still am so angry at him for everything that is going on, and it did nothing to change my feelings, as nasty as I may sound for saying that.

    My daughter did give me a big hug and kiss when Daddy told her it was my BD. That was nice...she's 4 and is just so genuine in her emotions! She is so much work, but it is just wonderful when she even gives me a hug, as she didn't even want to be held for so long and still really doesn't (she is mildly autistic).

    I honestly need a good cry, but I think I am too tired. I haven't slept much this week...too much to do with the house, and hubby has periodically woken me up as he pulled two all-nighters in a row (well, last night he did fall asleep on the ground for 2 hours). He procrastinates and gets like this, and he won't listen to any voice of reason, so I've gotten to where I stop enabling him and just do my thing, which last night was going to bed a little after 10. I did wake up around 2, though, because he had the outside light on, and I was up for a few hours.

    I figure when I feel more up to it and things are more stable in my life, I'll just pick a random day and celebrate my BD then. It's okay...I am old enough that no one really pays much attention anymore, or even knows. My mom did call me bright and early this morning to wish me happy BD, though. That was nice, although I was so tired I barely processed the call.

    Thanks for everyone's help, and hopefully this coming year will bring some positive changes all around.

    C.
  2. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    I am sorry you are not having a good birthday hon!!!!!!

    But...I am going to sing you Happy Birthday anyway!!!

    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday dear Cinca!!!!
    Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Okay so you have to ignore my horrible voice but I hope you liked my song!

    I am sorry that things are so bad right now hon! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

    (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

    kate
  3. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    You have the honor of being the ONLY person who sang Happy BD to me today! As well as the 5th person (the others being my mom, my husband, my daughter, and my friend who also is the realtor selling my house) to wish me happy BD today. Oh well. I haven't gotten out much, anyways. At least it was warm (we had Santa Ana conditions), so that was pleasant. I grew up in the Midwest and had so many of my childhood BD parties cancelled d/t snowstorms that out here I always try to get outside and enjoy the nice "winter" weather. I take what positives I can get. And it was another beautiful sunset...thanks, Mother Nature!

    Thank you again for the BD wishes (and the song "sounded" great!)
    C.
  4. DLsGroovyMoM

    DLsGroovyMoM New Member

    I feel ya...last week was my bd and it was not such a great day for me either.

    I'm sorry you are goin through so much right now...moving and not wanting too must be hard

    will keep you in my prayers

    Love and hugs
    Amy
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Happy Birthday to youuuu
    Happy BIRTHDAY to you
    Happy BIRTHDAY dear CINCA
    Happy Birthday to you!

    Couldn't resist being the second:) I'm positive I have a much worse voice than Kate.

    I sometimes do rain checks on Birthdays too. I hope you do that and have a really good one!
  6. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I want to sing to you, too!!

    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday dear Cinca!!!!
    Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and many more!!!!!

    I hate it that you're having a bad B/D, too!

    I don't know your story, but it sounds like you don't want to move and you have to. That would be a bad situation to face on your B/D!

    Hopefully things will work out for you.

    At least your hubby was thinking about you!!! Mine doesn't believe (ha!) in celebrating special ocassions with gifts.

    I hope your days ahead will be brighter!

    Much love,
    Janet
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    did you make it to the divorce attorney?

    well ihope you have a better b-day next year and you are in a happier place inyour life..

    jodie
  8. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Sorry...I've been scrambling and just now got online. I really appreciate the warm BD wishes. The house is now on the market, and I'm having a very hard time of it emotionally as well as just practically, keeping everything clean. Just the few hours we've all been around tonight has left a trail. At least hubby's done with work now ('til Feb. 6th), so he can help clean up.

    No discussions with an att'y yet. I don't know what to do. I actually tried to call yesterday, but it had just turned 5 pm and their phone had switched to voice mail. I still have no idea how I'd support myself, which is the biggest thing holding me back. That and fear of really messing up my kiddo. But I so hate the fact I've been living my life for everyone but me for so long.

    Thanks again so very much! I do really appreciate all the (hugs) and support I've found on this board in just my short time here.

    C.
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i just had a thought here...abotu attorney fees....

    here in marin county, ca...we have a non-profit family law service...they represent our cases based upon our income..and if i understand correctly you have non? have you filed for ssi or ssdi?

    well anyways, when i was working my attoney fees were like $50 an hour...and the filing fees...i was very well represented...
    when i was not getting any child support and my state disability ran out i had to file for food stamps and tanf(welfare for parents)...and i got medi-cal...

    it doesn't cover they monthly rent by any means..back in 2003 i got like 568.00 a month...rent for 2 bed room apt was 1,245 a month....

    anyways...i wished you could somehow get a nest egg or money account put in your name only so he doesn't do what most people do...take it all and pull out...

    you could just let him go up to where ever his job is and then you could go to the bank...and make your own account in a safe deposit box...never admit you have any money...only what is traceable...maybe your husband will be a responsib le father and do the right thing ...but i thought mine would and he told my friends he would never do what my friend's ex-husband to be did to her...and he was abusive...

    well if you are not making any money then you would be able to pay far less...call legal aid in your county...

    i hope it all works out


    jodie
  10. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    Cinca, I hope you're doing better now. I am feeling better today.

    I know you've been under a lot of stress with the move and all.

    Wish we lived close, we'd go out and celebrate together.

    Wouldn't that be fun?

    Hang in there and "Happy Birthday to you".

    Kendra
  11. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    I so appreciate the warm BD wishes, whenever they've come in. Honestly, the whole BD thing has not even sunk in and probably won't this year...I am obsessing too much about the move, or rather keeping my house clean now that it's on the market. Tonight I am in a pretty good mood, partly due to the up 'n' down mood swings I get every month (thanks, hormonal imbalance since pregnancy that still won't go away). I also have to say the one good thing about all of this is that my house is as close to 100% clean as it really has ever been since we moved in 8 years ago. Just about all of our "projects" are done, the loose ends are all but tied up, and to brag a little, our house looks so, so nice, peaceful, and neat (at least on the surface). My bathrooms smell so good...I have a friend from my daughter's preschool who owns a local flower shop, and she got me some gardenias to hang on my hand towels (I wrapped raffia around them and put the gardenias in the knot/bow). I just love the smell of fragrant flowers, esp. gardenias and jasmine, and smells/aromas are big sensory triggers for me. So as stupid and trivial as that sounds, the gardenia smell makes me happy. Too bad they are so pricey...I'd love to keep this up longer (but can pretty much just afford it for the week we'll be here). One thing to chalk up to the "relaxation" scheme, if anyone wants to try any natural aromatherapy.

    I also am such the neat freak, and although I've tried to break these OCD ways (as hubby says), I can honestly say I feel so much more "at peace" with a clean, orderly house where everything is almost in its place (well, except the garage, which is now a maze of boxes, etc.). It's pretty amazing that our getting-very-messy daughter has kept all her things perfectly clean since we completed our organization of everything this weekend. She keeps saying how nice the house and her room look. I am so grateful...hubby is keeping stuff orderly, too. Who knows it if will keep up, but I am enjoying it while I can get it!

    Well, I've kind-of resigned myself to the fact we are moving and am trying to make the best of it. Honestly, a change may be good for me, and not having this house to constantly work on will free up some time I desperately need to take care of myself. The verdict is still out re: our marriage, although hubby and I grabbed lunch the other day during the broker preview, and it went well. We've had almost zero "date nights"/afternoons/mornings/ANYTHING since our daughter was born almost 4 1/2 years ago. I am hoping I can somehow get and stay healthy and then maybe try to get a job that won't interfere too much with my kiddo's schedule. That way, I CAN save some of my "own" money and feel more empowered to make decisions.

    Who knows? Again, today is a good day...but circumstances and I swing an awful lot these days. Hubby has been WAY nicer the past couple of days, now that he is done with his old job, but again, we'll see if this is just temporary. He has said over and over that he will do ANYTHING to stay together, but I have yet to be convinced. Again, we'll see, but I do feel like now isn't necessarily the best time to make decisions. At least we won't be stuck with a mortgage, etc. for awhile, so I won't have that sense of permanency over me as much. That may help clear my head, too.

    Thanks again to everyone, and I hope the rest of the week/weekend go well. We are having open houses Sat. & Sun. - wish us luck (both in the turnout/offers(?) and just us all being together - me, hubby, daughter - and doing actual fun stuff all day). We have had over 80 brokers come by for the local realtor's office "caravan" and the general area broker preview the next day, so we'll see. It's pretty amazing...honestly, I can't imagine living like this for the long term and am somewhat looking forward to leaving and dealing with all of this from a distance. It's still really hard, though...I just try not to think that far ahead.

    Thanks much.
    C.
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE A LITTLE MORE PEACEFUL FOR NOW...AND YOU HAVE A GOOD PLAN...

    EVEN IF YOU CAN WORK A COUPLE OF HOURS A DAY WHILE YOUR KIDDO IS AT SCHOOL MAY BE EMPOWERING TO YOU TO KNOW YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY...I WOULD TELL YOUR HUBBY THAT YOU WANT YOUR OWN BANK ACCT..SO YOU CAN BE RESPONSIBLE OR JUST WANT TO HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY SO YOU DONT HAVE TO ASK FOR MUCH FROM HIM,...
    THEN PUT SOME AWAY FOR A RAINY DAY...

    GOOD LUCK

    JODIE