ITS SO HOT JOKES'''''''''''''''''''

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sixtyslady, Jul 31, 2006.

  1. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    heres a few, add your own.
    Its so hot'potatoes cook under ground,for lunch pull one out,have butter, salt ,& pepper.

    its so hot:the cows are giving evaporated milk.

    its so hot;the trees are whistlin for the dogs.

    its so hot:chickens are laying hard boiled eggs.

    its so hot out:I saw squirrels fanning their nuts.

    o.k. guys add yours, have fun.
  2. victoria

    victoria New Member

    you must've gotten the same email I got, hehe, here are some of my favorites from it --- my most favorite was the one about the trees whistling for the dogs!!!!

    The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

    The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

    Hot water now comes out of both taps.

    You can make 'sun tea' instantly.

    You learn that a metal seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

    The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

    You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

    You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window (at least here in the south you can!).

    Your biggest fear is, "What if I get faint from heatstroke
    and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

    You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

    Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them
    from laying boiled eggs.


    Ah, what a place to call home. . .


    (Note: If you are not a resident of the South or points nearer the equator or never visited such places in the summer, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!)

    Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
    Please keep it cool in mid-July.
    Bless the walls where termites dine,
    While ants and roaches march in time.

    Bless our yard where spiders pass
    Fire ant castles in the grass.
    Bless the garage, a home to please
    Carpenter ants, ticks and fleas.

    Bless the love bugs, two by two,
    the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
    Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
    in the South, Lord, you've put them all!!

    But this is home, and here we'll stay,
    SO thank you Lord, for insect spray. . .

    all the best,

  3. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    The line is borrowed from a late, great comedian (might not be a verbatim quote but he said something to the effect of): "It's so hot, I swear I saw the devil sitting on my couch".
  4. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Just as you finish hanging a load of laundry go back to the beginning and take them down....they are dry.

    Those silly hats that hold beer and have straws to the mouth......finally makes sense.......
  5. angellwolffe

    angellwolffe New Member

    here's one i haven't heard before, hubby just told me. it was so hot that his shadow exploded. hehe

  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    She had a saying that was really 'different' and funny for saying how hot it is... (she lives in Florida!)

    Hope she comes on and contributes!

    all the best,

  7. victoria

    victoria New Member

    nope you haven't...

    on an island, because of off-shore breezes, it is often much cooler than further inland. I was staying on a boat in Naples FL for a week in June once, the outdoor gazebo cafe's thermometer read 82 and the waitresses were complaining about the heat!

    But once we drove inland - even just a mile - we really realized just how much hotter/humid it really got away from the ocean!

    Also, I live in Georgia, & had a friend from Chicago visiting once; it was 95 here the day she drove home and 106 in Chicago!

    Well, maybe you can go hang out in a bookstore or at least the library... comfortable chairs in most of those places, ANd air-conditioned!

    [This Message was Edited on 07/31/2006]
  8. victoria

    victoria New Member

    It's so hot today I saw an Amish man buying an air conditioner...
    (from one of the late night hosts)

    It's so hot today that if we were corn, we'd be popping!

    PS: Did you know the definitive paper written on the heat index is called:

    An Assessment of Sultriness; Part I:

    A Temperature–Humidity Index Based on Human Physiology and Clothing Science.

    Sure sounds like it could almost be about something else!!!!


  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm still around but have been only checking for posts to me. My Red Tide induced bronchitis came out in the form of an abcess on my chest. I've been back on an inhaler and ABX. The fatigue has been overwhelming. I'm getting better. Thanks for noticing I've been gone. I've been spending the time praying and meditating and hoping to heal. Looks like my prayers are being answered. I loved that Southern poem. It's perfect.

    My saying is that it's hotter 'n two fat rats making love inside a wool sock in a burning meth lab in Death Valley in July. This started with just the two rats and everyone has been adding to it.

    Hope everyone is doing well. I will likely be online less than usual as I concentrate on wellness for a while.

    Love, Mikie
  10. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    I've been wondering how you are. I, too have missed your posts. Sorry that you've had a rough time but I'm glad things are improving. I'm in Toronto, too and it's hotter than h*** here too, although a big thunderstorm has started so I'm hopeful of cooler things to come.

    Take Care
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I know it's been unusually hot in your neck of the woods. The big storms are supposed to bring cooler weather with them. I hope so.

    We've been 95 and humid for a while but today, it's only supposed to be 91, which is what we normally have in the summer. Thing is, we are acclimated to the heat and humidity. Still, 95 is hot, even for us down here in the jungle. It's amazing how a few degrees can make a big difference.

    Hope everyone is keeping cool.

    Love, Mikie
  12. victoria

    victoria New Member

    LOL that's the saying I was looking for!

    Sorry to hear you haven't been doing well... but glad to hear you're improving. How long did the Red Tide last - or, horrors - is it still around? Hmmm Red Tide, sounds like a plague, guess it amounts to that for most living things.

    Well it's still hot here too... can't wait for the fall!


  13. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    It's so hot here I need a dehumidifier just to get rid of the water from the sweat under my boobs. Sorry for being so graphic, but it's true.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/04/2006]
  14. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    The Red Tide used to hit us once in a while and then was gone. Last year and this year, it keeps showing up at different beaches from Sarasota down to Marco Island. It's like it's always here now but jumps around from one beach to another.

    I am not feeling the effects of it now. The afternoon rains keep it from blowing ashore. It brought on bronchitis when it was here and then costo chondritis and now, this abcess on my chest where the infection is draining. It's almost gone. The whole ordeal has just worn me out.

    I watch the temps in Atlanta where the kids live and I know how hot it's been up there for you guys. It is cooler here now but I just walked down to the mailboxes, not far, and just about died from the heat and humidity. I have to get to Lowe's for a sprayer for our ant problem. The heavy rains are driving them inside. We have to spray the bldg. I also have to get to Costco for more Doxycycline. Think I'll pick up some veggies and fruit for juicing. I just read that's what Rich Carson has been doing to get better. I have a juicer but don't use it often because of the high level of carbs. Still, I think juicing can be healthful.

    Well, my friend, I'll talk to you later. Is GA in that huge powerball that has grown to more than $200 million? Get a ticket. Who knows, you might win and can go someplace cooler in the summers. FL doesn't join in the powerball games but ours has been close to $20 million. I'm going to pick up a ticket. If the powerball game in GA is high, I always buy a ticket when I'm up there.

    Love, Mikie
  15. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Here's a tip for everybody trying to avoid the heat, LOL: I find I'm VERY happy that places like WalMart, Walgreens and Krogers are open 24 hours, I go out mostly late at night to avoid the heat (and light--I'm still doing the MP) LOL - and it's less crowded too!

    Sounds like the red tide is sticking around because the Gulf is warmer than normal, maybe? It is interesting that some predicted more hurricanes this summer because of it, and that hasn't happened; or am I speaking too soon, knock on wood!

    Yes we are hot/humid, but worse, the rain keeps avoiding our area - has been raining a mile away regularly, but not here. So we're getting the humidity without the benefits. It just manages to thunder loudly & closely enough to scare my neurotic dog into shaking like a leaf. . Hard to believe she is likely part shar-pei!

    For some reason if I become ill during summer, it always seems harder to get over it... I don't know if that's generally true for others?, but it never made sense to me, even with all my weird reactions to things. I am glad you're on the mend and the rains have driven it all away... if you don't mind my curiousity, what did you think the abcess was due to, a skin reaction or --?

    LOL well, believe it or not, I've never bought a lottery ticket... I don't even know how, just don't have the patience to stand in the store to find out. If Georgia ever puts it online like they were talking about, I might do it then tho!

    Well stay cool and rest well!


    PS seems like the ants have lots of excuses this time of year - for us it is the drought that is driving them in...!!! So I repeat again, thank God for the insect spray!

    [This Message was Edited on 08/04/2006]
  16. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    But I'm really not sure about the abcess. This is the third time I've had the bronchitis come out in an abcess on my chest over the years. I guess that's better than hanging around infecting my lungs. I don't know. At least, I can easily treat the abcesses. I asked the doc and he just said that some people are more prone to infections than others.

    When I lived in CO, the bronchitis would go on and on and once even went into pneumonia. I had asthma and costo there but it took months to clear up because of the horrible winter air pollution in that thin, dry air. I just think that heavy Red Tide outbreak put me under this time. We have scientists from all over down here trying to figure out what causes the overgrowth of this red algae and they still don't know.

    Take care.

    Love, Mikie

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