I've hit bottom

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by a121558, May 27, 2003.

  1. a121558

    a121558 New Member

    Good morning, Or is it? I think I've hit bottom. I'm not sure where to turn for help. I don't even know who I am anymore. I use to be so energetic, always up early, going places with my grand daughters or my dog. 20 lbs lighter. And I held a good job in accounting. But now I don't want to do anything. Or I do things and pay for it later. Yesterday I spent the day fishing. 6 a.m. till 5 p.m. It's my husbands favorite past time. But when I got home I went to bed till this a.m. I'm trying to cut back from 3-4 vicodin aday to 1-2. And my husband can be an a** most of the time. He went to the bar last night at 11. Which he has been doing 3-4 nights a week lately. He says we had more fun together when we both use to drink. Not me. He is in D.V. classes. That is not my idea of fun. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I try to keep up with everything. But sometimes I just can't. Last week he was angry because I didn't get the clothes put away. And he had to go down stairs to get his jeans. He ignored me for 2 days before he told me what I did wrong. But that is normal for him. I'm trying to find any and every Dr. who might be able to help me with this. I really want to get back to work. I see a pain spec. next week. I don't know who I am any more. Sorry for whining. Thanks for listening. Anna
    [This Message was Edited on 05/27/2003]
  2. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    Can you go to a family therapist? I am afraid that your husband may keep you from getting better otherwise, no matter how good the physical help you get may be. That sort of stress can make anyone ill.
    I hope the pain management specialist will help, but I would also be looking into why your husband is not being supportive of you at the time when you most need it.
    God bless you...hang in there,
    Klutzo
  3. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member

    Anna,

    First thing I want to say is you need to know that NOTHING is your fault. You didn't ask for or want this dd and if you were able to work you would. I have a
  4. athome

    athome New Member

    DEAR ANNA---

    YOU ARE NOT WHINING WHEN YOU REACH OUT FOR HELP.

    I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE W/ DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASES, AND YOU ARE GETTING PUT DOWN AND MANIPULATED IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE SILENCE IS USED TO "PUNISH" YOU FOR SOMETHING WHERE YO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON.
  5. a121558

    a121558 New Member

    I just want to thank you for your support. A good friend stopped by today and I finally confided in her. She knows a therapist in her church. So she called him for me. I'm just waiting for him to return the call to set up an appt. to see him. She highly recommends him. Seems she saw him a few years back for some family problems. So I'll, give it a try. Any thing right now. Because I really don't think I can get much further down. I've really cut my self off from just about every one. You know, I just want to stay home and not do anything or talk to anyone. I do work in the garden.And I'm trying to get the deck painted. But I always do too much at a time and then have too lay off for afew days. Thanks again for your support. Anna
  6. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member

    Anna,

    Sorry, I typed you a message and it only came up as a partial message.

    As I was saying it is not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
    I have always been a "people pleaser" and after getting this dd I still tried to be that! In the last few weeks I have really backed off because as long as I was keeping the house spotless and laundry done just so so they assume that I am not really to sick. It has actually hurt me to keep pushing and running myself in the ground. Now that I have backed off and if I am tierd I nap if I don't want to I don't reality has hit my home, it was really hard but now they are realizing that I am really sick and I really do have a problem continuing to things normally just covered things up to make things comfortable for them...big mistake it is important you take care of yourself!! I wish I would have followed this advice a long time ago!!

    Important thing I want to share is AA is a big help, you can even participate online if you are unable to get out. They have a section for family members of alcoholics you can chat with many people going thru the same things and know you are not alone and get some support for YOU. I hope this helps and I will be praying for you.

    For myself...The Lord is my strength and my peace, he gives me a place of refuge in times of trouble When it storms he shelters me when it floods he places my feet high upon the mountain of safty....I pray the same for you

    Hugs,
    Barb
    I hope this does not offend anyone!!
  7. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    Al Anon. They will teach you to live your
    life in spite of what your husband does
    or doesn't do about his drinking. Sometimes seeing the change in the partner spurs them to go to AA, but sometimes it
    doesn't. It will make your life a lot better though as you learn to worry about
    YOU and not HIM or his actions. I have a
    friend whose been in Al Anon for years and
    swears by it. Her husband went to AA about
    10 years ago and has been sober ever since. But even if he hadn't her life would have improved. It's free, they have
    a lot of "real" fun...give them a call. Hugs, Bambi
  8. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    Hi Anna
    Do you remember that song ( i will survive & things can only get better) well if you have hit rock bottom the only way is up, it is not your fault you are ill, it is not your fault he is drinking to much and you have not done anything wrong its not your fault he is ignoring you, i'm sorry but he is behaving like a child he should be helping you not making you feel guilty, its time for him to sober up and face the truth you are not well and you need his help, it could be that he is genuinly upset about your illness and some people think the answer is in the bottom of the glass and try to drowned there sorrows instead of facing up to reality, but this is not helping you as stress will make you worse, so start worrying about you see if he will go to counciling with you, for the illness, for he's drinking, and it sounds like he need's anger managment also, we are all her on the board to support you you can ask any thing and we will give you an answer if we can, my first husband was an alkie it took me about five years to pluck up the courage to divorce him because i was scared and thought that me and the kids would starve i didn't no that social security would help me, looking back that was the best thing i ever done divorcing him i just wish i had done it 5 years earlier, i am now married to a wonderful man and i used to think who would want me with 4 kids because thats what my x husband used to say to me, if i can do it with 4 kids any one can do it, just get that extra strength and do what you want to do, i dont no if you have kids and if you want to stay with him or get rid of him but what ever you do you will have my full support and from everyone else on the board,like i said the only way now is up let us no what is going on i hope my post doesn't affend anyone
    ((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))) from the UK
    Loopyloo xx
  9. Dorothy45

    Dorothy45 New Member

    I dealt with an alcoholic sister for years, and I mean an ALCOHOLIC! Of course, she got worse when our mother was diagnossed with terminal breast cancer. I was encouraged several times to attend Alanon meetings. Out of fear, I chose not to. I had to "heal" by diffrent avenues by my own choice. I am alomost finished with a book that is changing my whole inner being! I think the book is helping me along, because I am "ready". I don't feel as much pain, and fatigue as I use too. I'm not saying that this will help everyone. I am in an experimental stage of my journey. don't want to get too metaphysical here, but remember this, we make choices that create our life. I couldn't phsyically feel better, until I worked on my mental illness. You might not obtain relief or concentrate on your physical well being until you have a peaceful "mind". Thanks to a very supportive husband, close friends, and doctors, I am doing much better. I could not have done it without their support, or my CHOICE to make my life better. In more simple terms, I am cleaning "my house". I know this sounds so Pollyanna, and 6 months ago, I would have bashed a person for saying this. Anna BELIEVE in YOURSELF, because you are special.
  10. Smokeymar

    Smokeymar New Member

    Hi,
    Don't ever apologize for whining. We all do it and we need it. It's an outlet for the frustrations of being around someone who doesn't understand and won't try.
    I can't do 3/4 of the things I used to. Some times I have to take 3 or 4 days "off" in a row. Just to get over something I enjoyed at the time. Try to block out husband. Sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself and picking on you to make it more fun. It's not fair. My husband was like that till our family doc had a talk with him and explained fibro to him. He's been a changed man ever since. Says he doesnt mind if things don't get done. He's always telling me to rest. Has anyone professionally talked to yours? Or would it make any difference? Come here where we understand you. Some people just never learn.
    Smokey
  11. mje

    mje New Member

    All of the other posts have said many useful things.
    Counselling and ALNON. As for your own physical situation,
    it took me a long time to realize I HAD to pace myself and activities. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It does mean saying "no" to some things you would really like to do, but in the long run you look forward to what you can do. Try to limit the "shoulds".
    A counsellor who spoke to our support group (now defunct)
    told us to always plan one thing we enjoy and could look forward to each day, even if only tea or hot chocolate.
    I have found that to be good advise.
    All who use these boards are so supportive. Come to them often. MJE