Job loss and Fibro--anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Frackie11382, Mar 18, 2003.

  1. Frackie11382

    Frackie11382 New Member

    I feel so down about things right now. By poor boyfriend is having to support me and him because I recently got fired. Granted, they couldn't fire me based on the Fibro b/c I was straightforward with them about it, plus the ADA. However, my life was made miserable by the managers b/c I was physically unable to comply with their 8-days-per-rolling-twelve-months absence policy. They wrote me up 2x for "exessive absenteeism", for "insubordination" because I forgot to move a cardboard table, and for "failing to meet job requirements" because I COULDN'T drive 2 1/2 hours to a 2 day school because I was sick! They didn't even ask me why I didn't go! At one point they actually asked me, "what can we do to keep you from calling off, because we can't let you call off every time you don't feel good." They never even tried to understand FMS! I mean, like I really know when I'm gonna get a flare! I am now attempting to get SSI or SSDI (really can't get the latter b/c I only worked 4 years), and trying to start selling Mary Kay makeup. But life is really tough right now, especially b/c I sometimes think my boyfriend thinks I'm just pretending to be sick. Thankfully, he's more patient with me than most would be, and he encourages me to do things to feel like I'm making a difference. But it can't go on like this forever. I just can't face making him pay rent and the bills on his own. Any advice?? I mean, I'm only 20-years-old. I don't want to be considered a "faker" like I was when I was younger, but I don't see me holding down a steady job for more than about 6 months and that really depresses me.

    Friends in Fibro,

    ~~Tara~~
    [This Message was Edited on 03/19/2003]
  2. Frackie11382

    Frackie11382 New Member

  3. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Hi Tara,

    I'm going through pretty much the same thing. AFter four years of having trouble with my knee I was just diagnosed in November '02 with FMS after knee surgery. But before I knew what I had, four years ago I left my full time position to take a part time one in the same company. I thought it was from all the stress I was under but now I know that's when the fibro started.
    I worked all my life and was with my last job for 19 years , I am home now and going through appeals with my LTD carrier and haven't had an income since December. I know how hard it is for you to suddenly be dependent.
    I would suggest you try to find something that you can do from home , maybe start something with Ebay or some type of home based business that you can take taxes out so if you need SSDI in the future you will be able to collect.
    I will probably never be able to return to a regular job nor do I want to but this is the road I will take eventually.
    Good luck and keep your chin up, your guy sounds like a good guy.
    Lin
  4. marilew

    marilew New Member

    I just lost a job that I had held for 28 years! I had to be taken off work in Sept of 2000, and was diagnosed with Rotator Cuff Syndrome, FMS, CFS, MPS, and then Osteoarthritis. I tried with no success to get my LTD that I should have most certainly been entitled to, and also now I am fighting with Compensation because they (according to a lawyer) should be responsible for the Rotator Cuff problems. I had to file a grievence through my Union to return to a "light" duty position that was recommended by all of my Doctors. I have seen approx 15 Doctors!

    Well the short version is that no one will take responsibility, and my "Boss" lied and I ended up resigning (I did get a settlement). If I had won the arbitration for returning to work, I know for a fact that my life would have been Hell (can I say that word here?), as they would have taken their time to find me a position, and then pushed the limits til I could not function. According to a very trusted person, I would have found myself between lawyers and arbitrations for as long as I stayed at the job.

    It's a sad world that we live in when a person puts their heart into their job, does their portion of making a business what it is today, and then has a disability used against them in order to GET RID OF THEM. You see I was one of the highest paid, had 7 weeks of paid holidays, and (was supposed to have)had full benefits.

    I have now hired a lawyer, and will see where that takes me. It's a last resort as it's expensive, but I am going to see this through to the end.

    M
  5. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    Hi Tara: I know how you feel. I worked 26 years and now am on disability from a car accident and the fibro. Until I got my disability my husband had to carry the load. That is what commitment and partnership is all about.Things happen in life and we need help from those who care for us. I am sure if it were him that were ill you would support him. Stop beating yourself up for being sick. Just live a day at a time right now and work on feeling better. You may need to look at part time work instead. If you boyfriend is not willing to care for you during tough times then you will know he is not marriage material. Go easier on your self. Sounds like you have been beating yourself up for years. Time to stop and live and enjoy life. Things will fall into place the way they are meant too. I was devastated after the car accident and knew I couldnt go back to work. Now I am so glad as I needed this time to look after me for a change. You need to do the same. It will be ok.
    poodlemum
  6. kellbear

    kellbear New Member

    Reading your posts, I am saddened by the way employers treat people with Dissabilities. I work in Human Resources, and after reading your posts, I can say that some of their actions was teetering on unlawful. I sometimes feel like people watch me here too. Sometimes I get asked about doc appointments and what not. I pretty much has a supportive boss but I know this puts a strain on him too. I used to work a lot of overtime but I am afraid too now. I am afraid of taking ten steps backwards in healing when I have been making some baby steps forward. I don't have my diagnosis yet which is half my problem. I am close though. The brain lesions are leading them in the right direction now. My advice is to make sure you understand your rights and your FMLA rights. You can take your FMLA at any time and you are protected. FMLA gives you 12 weeks a year. You can use it a day here or a week there. It doesnt have to be used all at once. It helps a great deal. Make sure you document everything if you can. Hope this helps
  7. nancyw

    nancyw New Member

    Hi there! So sorry to hear about you losing your job. My story not quite like that, but may help a little bit with suggestions. I was "laid-off" from my job in Oct 2001, but I actually wanted this. I was getting so depressed from not being by my daughter and grandkids any more, I had decided to move to NM from CO. Made the move and have been able to maintain money wise from my severence pay and unemployment. I started attending school (paid for by NM Labor Dept)last summer. Did two classes (considered full time) and was looking forward to continuing this through Fall when I would be half-way to my AA degree in Human Services emphasis in Criminal Justice. HOWEVER, since January of 2002, I have had a terrible time health wise. Real painful tennis elbow on right side, severe eye infection in May and it was just downhill from there. Had to drop my classes becuase I couldn't concentrate or process thoughts or anything. Also experienced lots of vertigo and dizziness. MY POINT: I never considered going on disability, but I can't see anyone wanting to hire me under these conditions (whether they know about fibro or not). I changed my course of study at school to MEDICAL TRANSCRIPTIONING. This is an on-line course offered through my college and a company called CAREER STEP. Class is on-line and can be done 24/7 at your own pace. After you graduate, they assist in helping you get a job with different companies. These jobs would all be from your home and you can set your own hours with most. Leave me message on this Board (Nancy W - Career Step) if you want more info. CAREER STEP can be found on web. It's difficult sometimes to "absorb" my homework through the brain fog, but it is not as bad as trying to "process thoughts". This is just basically memorization of terms. Who knows if I'll be able to do this or not, but I am applying for disability next week. I have no insurance now and am running out of money. Hope this helps!
  8. catnip51

    catnip51 New Member

    Hi Frankie and sorry to hear your having a time of it. This little icon says it all. "KISS MY BUTT" to all employers out there. I've been where your at and much much older. I worked for 20 years with this DD and it finally caught up to me. I was fired from three jobs and my last one put the icing on the cake. I knew there was no way I could anymore. Felt worthless, useless, guilty all that your feeling, under counseling now for all of it. I must admit you need to STOP feeling guilty because of this DD. You didn't ask for it and we have to learn to deal with it the major thing I learned from my counselor is to ACCEPT it. We did not ask for this so we have to accept it and believe me things will work out no matter how rough it gets. I have always believed that whatever happens is happening for a reason. Even though it makes NO sense and it has worked out.
    I finally got my disability after waiting 15 months and a fight to get it. Things are better but if I continued to be able to work it would be much better but I'm alive, were surving and you need to concentrate on getting the guilt off your mind and accept your limitations and whatever comes. Hugs to you and hope you feel better you have come to the right place for support, were here for ya.......
  9. Frackie11382

    Frackie11382 New Member

    Thanks to everyone who has posted. I really appreciate the support. It's a really tough time for me right now, and I'm in the middle of a bad flare. I'm glad I have somewhere to come for support and understanding. It means so much to know I'm not alone. Thank you for all your suggestions, and you're welcome to keep them coming!

    Friends in Fibro,

    ~~Tara~~