**JOEB7TH** == I Know EXACTLY How You Feel

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by S-Elaine, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member

    Joeb7th ........

    I think I know you from the past. We might have spoken about SS Disability, perhaps.

    I will copy below my reply to your message regarding MASSIVE DEPRESSIVE DISORDER.

    Please feel free to ask me any questions you want. I have been in & out of the Hospital 3 times in approximately 6 months.

    Let me share some of my recent story with you and please know there is HELP out there. Finding it is tough and waiting it out is ----- Hellish. Yet, it is worth it & YOU MATTER !!

    I’ll copy information about myself from previous posts. You can find more of my FULL Story of MASSIVE Depressive Disorder on the “Depression” Board and on the “Chit Chat” Board.

    The meds I tried that were unsuccessful were: Lexapro, Cymbalta, Pristiq, Zoloft, Effexor, Xanex & Buspar.

    I am finding success with an older med ------ LUVOX

    I already take at night for Depression & Sleep ----- Remeron & Pamelor

    Here is some background information on me below I previously posted …..

    It has been 5 to 5 & ½ months ago when I was given the label of ….. “Major Depressive Disorder”. I do not recall the last time I battled Depression it being as difficult and challenging as this has been for me.

    There are moments when I wonder and question ….. “Do I exist?? If I do, then why have I not been returned to my full self yet? Where is the rest of me hiding?”

    Within my immediate Family, I know only 2 of them do care about me and they only want the best for me.

    I approach every day with a positive attitude. I keep trying to make my days as normal as they can be and I try to fall back towards the routine / or schedule I had before.

    Of course, there are major UPS and DOWNS. I love the ups. They are so wonderful and while you are “in the moment” you are re-connected to your old self and who you really are deep down inside. You feel so alive and your ZEST for life comes back full force. During these times, I then often then find myself singing or dancing. Doing something more on the “silly” side that makes me laugh!

    When I laugh, it reminds me of laughter from the past. I know I use to laugh a lot before all of this took place with me. The laughter makes me know the real me is still there. You see bits and pieces of yourself shining through during your ups.

    During the “DOWN” moments or days, I do find myself questioning ---- “Is this really happening? Do I matter? Do I even matter to anyone at all? Why does all of this hurt so much? When will things finally change? Will they really even change at all? How much longer can I go like this? Can I continue like this until I make a full Recovery? I know I have made improvement in many areas, will it all kick in or fall into place once I am 1 full year out from all of this?”

    The “down” days are the worst and most difficult to get through. As negative thoughts enter my mind, I try as hard as I can to think of something POSITIVE or I try and do something that will overall be HEALTHY for me. That is one of my coping mechanisms to battle the negative thoughts.

    You have to fight very hard on those days and I find it has become best for me to solely rely only on myself for comfort. At least I know …… I won’t let myself down! With no expectations, there is no disappointment that follows.

    It seems many people often say to me ….. “I have a lot going on in my life too and I am very, very busy. Everyone has things going in their lives”

    My weekly Counseling Sessions are very “therapeutic” to me. I enjoy and even look forward to talking to my Counselor. At times, there can be so many “distractions” or “stressors” that are tossed into my court. It has become the “norm” and my Counselor and I even LAUGH about it. We laugh about ….. “How much more bizarre can this be? What will my TOXIC Family Members be doing next??”

    As we laugh, we do of course realize it is true and these are issues I address and come up with a solution for. OR, preventative measures!!

    I have been hanging in with my Psychiatrist waiting for the proper Anti-Depressant hoping he can find it and I am not dragged back to the Hospital.

    Getting a proper Anti-Depressant in place will be helpful. My Psychiatrist will make his next move tomorrow. Maybe the 4th, 5th or 6th time will be a CHARM!! Regardless, I’m not counting on it. I can wait it out if need be. I am standing on Firm ground and I know it will not be pulled out from underneath me.

    After Care and learning how to “Work The Program” is key as you are in Recovery Mode. These things are up to YOU and only you have the power to change things. Each day requires work. Change in a positive way is what I keep striving for. With each improvement I make, it inspires me to go further. It inspires me to continue on my pathway.

    I look forward to reaching the next DOOR. My frame of mind is …. Anything is possible, so why not do what is required to reach that next DOOR? Imagine what can be behind it?

    These are my thoughts and all of this has been part of my Journey in Recovering from Major Depressive Disorder.

    Take care,
    == Elaine[This Message was Edited on 06/20/2010]
  2. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member

    ........... Reposting for JOEb7th & anyone else who is having difficulty with Depression,

    Also, if you are struggling YOURSELF and want to continue ongoing contact / dialogue, we can all reach out and help one another by being a SUPPORT SYSTEM.

    I promise I will never let go of anyone who wants to follow along. I can always lend an ear or we can simply share ideas. Plans for creating a better life for ourselves and making sure we make HEALTHY choices are what we want for ourselves.

    Even though my “Fill In Psychiatrist” or Substitute Psychiatrist hung up on me today because he felt the Anti-Depressant prescribed for me could NOT possibly interfere with my sleep and did not want to be bothered with me ----- I still went to my Counseling Appointment, exercised and am now doing laundry. I’ll wind my day down by simply relaxing regardless of how dismissive the Substitute Psychiatrist was with me.

    I just moved up my next appointment and will be meeting back with MY PSYCHIATRIST on Monday and will discuss this new medication. He will at least listen to me for a minute and then probably decide to try me on another medication. I wish I could see him sooner, but he is on Vacation.

    I won’t fret or have a hissy fit. I’ll just distract myself by keeping myself busy working on projects or taking care of things that need to be done. I use that technique as one of my Coping Skills and then I feel proud of the things I accomplished. You can always find something to do even if it a hobby.

    Anyway, my updates can be found on the THREAD over on the Fibromyalgia Message Board.

    Also, if you are interesting in how my Father taught me how to walk again and pulled me out of my first Battle of Depression, I have 2 posts devoted to him.

    I have them list as …….

    “TO ANYONE CURIOUS == Where I Get My Strength & Will Power From” posted on 3/23/09

    “This Is More of What My Father Taught Me = Part 2” again on 3/23/09.

    They can be retrieved if you click on my USERNAME and scroll through my posts.

    Take care,
    == Elaine
  3. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Thanks so much. I am sure a lot of us on the board can relate.

    "You recommended your post and it's a great one, "This is more of what my father taught me"

    Today is Father's Day.

    What a tribute to him.

  4. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member

    ..... Bump!