Join me in prayer - problems w elderly mother

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Elisa, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Hi All,

    Just asking for your prayers to join mine in helping me survive problems with my elderly mother. She is very combative and hateful toward me
    And it really drags me down and causes me great sadness , The things she says are unspeakable.

    Like many of you, I have been severely disable for many years. This behavior by my Mother is almost more than I can handle.

    Please help me pray for comfort and peace!

    God Bless,


    [This Message was Edited on 02/28/2013]
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I think we are tried in so many ways, and having patience with a mean spirited person is doubly hard. I don't know what to say to you, except to pray to God and ask him to touch both your mother and you with his healing spirit......let it go and then expect that you will receive what you've asked for.
    And you don't say whether this has always been the case between the two of you, but if she's elderly she's probably on meds for this and that, which can change a person.

    I will pray for you and your mother.
  3. It can be the meds she on...or she can have Alzheimer's/Dementia..which totally changes the personality of the individual affected by it...

    Has the relationship between you and Mom always been harsh?...and like Sunflower...pray and ask the Lord to help you deal with your Mom unfavorable personality...

    My prayers to you and Mom...Hang in..and know it's not your's her sickness or meds...God Bless you Both...
  4. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Joining in with your prayers and sunflowergirl's. I am so sorry that you are going through this terrible ordeal. Does your mother have dementia to act this way?

    My mother was sadistic and dangerous since i was an infant, so I know the pain involved. Praying that God will help you, and I believe that he will. How, I don't know, be he will find a way.

    Does your mother live with you? Praying for her too, for whatever is wrong with her. I put your name on a post-it on my desk, and will lift up prayers throughout the day, or night.

    There is another member here, Patti, 'Hangininthere'. She doesn't post much at this point, but faithfully prays for all on this board and on the others as she reads through. So that is a little group of us that will join you in this struggle.

    Jesus is near to the brokenhearted! Understands great suffering, and loves you beyond imagining!


  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    ....Springwater's and Helena's posts. Two more wonderful people to give you support and prayer.

  6. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    All have you have touched me deeply - thank you for your kind support!

    I live alone...

    My mother has been difficult most of my life. She, as well as my sister, became very cruel as soon as I became sick.

    I am very disabled - but have to fend for myself daily. I am in bed mostly. I get up to get food or water and must drive.

    I am weak, severely fatigued have trouble eating/swallowing, breathing and have lost my intermediate eye sight. So I feel I am a disaster - and am very self-protective.

    I have very much trouble shielding myself from the cruelty.

    My mother is very kind to everyone in our community - but is horrible to me.

    The only telephone call I get is from my Mother and she is very argumentative - she will fight me on anything no matter how benign the subject. I think because I am so frail I am quite afraid of her mostly.

    She can turn on me on a dime - so I am afraid to get in the car with her - no matter how bad my circumstances.

    I am often in the ER, as I have heart/fainting issues, after which she said to a neighbor that she believes it is all for attention. Can you imagine? I was devastated.

    Anyway, it is sad that for some of us, even our families are not supportive and disbelieve our circumstances.

    Its odd for me because I had a very sucessful first 20+ or so years of life.

    Anyway, it has been hard this winter hearing her feelings toward me. She always says - time to take a positive view and turn this "thing" around. Time to find a good doctor...and who do I think I am "the lone ranger?" Inevitably expressing her displeasure that I can not get myself well after 15+ years.

    I have been hospitalized for losing consciousness multiple times lately and feel that I cant take much more of all this physically. So sad I would have liked to have someone in my commnity to befriend - someone who truly understood and cared.

    God Bless You all for reaching out to me. It means so much to me.

  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Oh, what a terrible situation you are in - with no one to bring you the necessities!

    I just wish there was something I could do right away! I'm praying for you throughout the day - your name on a post-it and various slips of paper in different rooms.

    I understand totally the kind of relationship you are speaking of, having come from a similarly cruel background. At one point I had to cut off. This was about 15 years after it was first suggested to me..... I hadn't wanted to do anything so drastic, but it became a total matter of survival, physically and emotionally.

    And I felt the fear also like you do. When you know you're vulnerable and targeted, the stress is so bad.

    You've probably thought of all these things, but is there any church that you're connected to where someone might be willing to shop? Or just one in your area?
    I have friends of long-standing who are nuns, so deeply kind and compassionate. They might not know anyone in your area, but I could always ask them. They love to help people!

    For the other side of your problem/suffering, how often do your mother and sister call? Do you have to answer all calls? It's terrible that you're fighting for survival, and having to deal with such horrible comments. It makes me furious that you were told you were going to the ER for attention!!! Urrrrghhhhh!

    I'm praying for someone to come to your aid. Elisabeth, I remember your kind heart, and how hard you worked to gather people together to pray for a cure for CFS/FM. Please keep coming here. We will listen, and understand, and keep praying up a storm! There are fewer people here, but ones with very kind hearts, and similar struggles.

    Love, Judy
  8. I am so very sorry to hear what you have been going through and are having to endure... It is heartbreaking! I will never understand people's cruelty and/or indifference to others' suffering! It is doubly hurtful when it's our own family... especially a parent.

    I, too, have family members who are not supportive and disbelieve my circumstances. My two older siblings, who are only 2 and 3 years older than me, and who I once was very close to, both act as though I am already dead. And it is very hurtful... They live in the same town as me, and have caused me great heartache and distress over the years. My brother's wife used to be my best friend for many years, but when I became ill, and started going downhill, she basically withdrew her friendship. So I do understand how hurtful and distressing family can be.

    For a parent to behave this way, is even more hurtful and unacceptable. In your weakened and disabled condition, you should consider cutting off contact with her, until or unless she stops causing you distress... Because the stress will definitely cause your condition to deteriorate... And you can't afford that. If need be, you could send her a note explaining that because of your deteriorating health, you can no longer be around anyone who is not helpful and supportive.

    Is there a church perhaps that you used to be a part of that you could reach out to for help?? Or any community services like Meals on Wheels, which could at least help you with meals? I don't have a support system, which I know is so important in our condition, but so few actually have this. My husband and kids care, but are very busy with their lives...

    Just know that I understand and care, as so many here do... And that I will be praying for you daily. God bless you, Elisabeth!

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    [This Message was Edited on 03/19/2013]
  9. Very well said...telling keep Mom away was the best advice.ever for the sake of her deteoriating health...It sad when it is from a parent...I feel bad even writing here..that I agree with u..that for the sake of her health that would be the best...

    I wish I lived closer to her..I would help her...My Parents are long gone..and they loved me so it's hard for me to phantomed what she is experiencing with her Mother..who needs psychological help in my opinion...I too don't have family either..My brother is so wrapped up in his own life..that when he visits doesn't even bother to even ask how I am doing...My Aunt is controlled by her husband,and the only person that counts are her husband..she has children she never talks about...I am alone..and dealing with my own pain and lonliness...I just leave it all in God's hands...whatever his will is for me.. Take care Shel, and God Bless you for the best advice you gave Elizabeth...I will keep her in my nightly prayers..
  10. Thank you so much for your kind response. I'm so sorry you are experiencing the same cruel indifference from family that most of us have to deal with... To add to our suffering.

    And I am so sorry to hear how alone you are with your suffering. I have been feeling the same way. I know it's all in God's Hands, but right now I'm going through a very dark valley myself. Don't know if I can take this another day.

    For me it's not just the physical suffering (as if that wasn't enough!), but the dynamics of feeling like I'm failing my 11 year old because of this DD and the fact that my husband, who is passive aggressive and also has adult ADD, makes my life even more difficult.

    At my breaking point right now... Please pray for me as well. And I will add you to my prayers as I pray for Elisabeth too. I hope Elisabeth is doing alright...

    Thanks again and God bless you.