JOKE Maintain a HEALTHY LEVEL of (IN)SANITY

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by victoria, Aug 19, 2005.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

    1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

    2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom at work. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

    3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If they Want Fries with that.

    4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "IN".

    5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

    6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

    7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy"

    8. dontuseanypunctuationorspaces

    9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

    10. Ask People What Sex They Are ... Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

    11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go"

    12. Sing Along At The Opera.

    13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

    14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

    15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

    16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name: "Rock Hard"

    17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream: "I Won! I Won"!

    18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking Lot, Yelling: "Run for Your Lives, They're Loose"!!

    19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner: "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go".

    And The Final Way to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity...

    20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called Therapy.

  2. auntcon

    auntcon New Member

    What would we do without laughter.

    It's the best medicine.

    LOL
    Connie
  3. Jessa34

    Jessa34 New Member

    So funny!
    Thanks for the laugh.
  4. pgfnch2

    pgfnch2 New Member

    A Letter From a Redneck Mother to her Daughter

    Dear Child,

    I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

    I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

    The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.

    The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.

    John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

    Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl your sister is going to name it after me; she's going to call it mom.

    Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

    There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

    Love,

    Ma
  5. sheried

    sheried New Member

    Thank you guys for the laughs.

    Hugs,
    Sherie