JOKES -- for FUN -- for LAUGHING OUT LOUD

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by victoria, Jan 17, 2006.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    A blonde, being of Nordic origin, wanted to learn and enjoy the age old sport of ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and, finally getting all the necessary tools together, she headed for the ice.

    After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed:

    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

    Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

    The blonde, now rather worried, moved further down, in fact clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more:

    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

    She stopped, looked skyward, and asked,
    "Is that YOU, LORD?"

    The voice replied,

    "NO --

    THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK..."


    -------------------------------------------------------

    Years ago, I was a big-city boy preaching in a small country town. I wanted to learn everything "country" so that I could fit in.

    As I was searching for Widow Jones' farm, I got lost on the back roads. I saw a farmer walking into his barn so Istopped for directions. He was just beginning to milk his cow, but graciously took time out to tell mehow to get to the Jones' farm. "By the way," I asked. "Do you know what time it is?"

    He leaned in toward the udder of the cow and bent down real low and looked up under the cow and said, "12:30."

    I started to leave - but stopped - because I just HAD to know. I told him, "Hey, I've just moved from the city and I really want to know the ways of the country. HOW did you know what time it was?"

    "Sit right here on this stool, son."

    I did.

    "Now, grab hold of that udder."

    I did. (Before this, my closest experience to this was grabbing a milk carton).

    "Now lean into the cow and lift up on the udder."

    I did.

    "Lean over under the cow and look up right over there on that wall and look at what is hanging on the wall ....
    See? -
    that's called a clock...
    When the little hand is on the 12 and the big hand is..."

    --------------------
    (and my all time favorite, altho it's been around 100 times:)

    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out into the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

    The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

    A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

    "I feel so terrible!" he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

    The blonde says, "Don't worry! Wait here!"

    She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

    The rabbit immediately revives, jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

    Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again.

    He hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he finally hops out of sight.

    The man is astonished. He turns to the woman and demands, "WHAT is in that can? WHAT did you spray on that rabbit?"

    The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says..

    (Are you ready for this?)


    (This is bad!)


    (realllllllly bad...)


    (Okay, I warned ya!)



    The can reads,

    "Hair Spray -
    Restores life to dead hair,
    and adds permanent wave."


    ----------------
    PS: I am a natural blonde....



    [This Message was Edited on 01/17/2006]
  2. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    Okay, I actually DID laugh out loud at those (yes, even at the groaner!) ... thanks so much, I needed a pick me up today!!!

    I will say that my coworkers are looking at me very strangely though ......

    :)

    Kat

    [This Message was Edited on 01/17/2006]
  3. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    I really liked the blonde joke. I'm blonde, too. AND I've been ice fishing! Good ones! Thanks for the laughs!!

    Katy
  4. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    Victoria, I just love your jokes! Keep them coming. I heard today that having a good opens up the arteries in your heart.

    Cheers
    Kathy.
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I just LOVED your jokes .... and passed them on to some of my family!!!

    Janet