What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. --- A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year. --- Lady says to pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?" Pharmacist replies: "Cause that's all we've documented so far." --- Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'" --- How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb really has to want to change and get new energy. --- The CEO of a large HMO dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter shows him to a lovely villa, wonderful music, great views, full staff of servants, gourmet meals, etc. The CEO says, "This is terrific!" "Don't get too comfortable," says St. Peter. "You're only approved for a three-day stay." ---- The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." --- You Know You Have brain fog When... ...you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier. ...you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. ...you don't worry about avoiding temptation-- it will avoid you. ...getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot. ...you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. ...you don't care where your spouse goes, just so you don't have to go along. ...you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. ...the doctor says "I have good news and bad news -- the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac..." ...you go to make toast and nothing happens. You've plugged in the can opener. ...you forget your twin sister's birthday. ...you realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant. ...you put both contact lenses in the same eye. ...it takes you longer to get up the energy to go to the store than the completed task takes you. ...you feed your pets, then sit down and try to decide if it is really worthwhile to get up again just to feed yourself. ...you go to the store to get some cosmetics and write your check out to "Wallpaper" instead of "Wal-mart."