Just Feeling Like No One Gives A Hoot!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Ellie5748, May 8, 2003.

  1. Ellie5748

    Ellie5748 New Member

    I can't believe I'm saying this. I just feel so low today and don't know what to do. I'm close to tears. Forget it. I am crying. I know that there is alot of support on this board, but I guess it's just lack of support on the homefront. My husband keeps ragging on me about all the meds I take, and I have explained to him over and over what each med is for. I had a breakdown when my father died ten yrs. ago, and I was on "the 4th floor", for two wks. The shrink had me so screwed up on phyc. drugs, I was a walking zombie for months. Was hospitalized again six months later, and another DR. had me off all meds in three days. It was a slow walk back, but I know I'll never be in that spot again. My FM has gotten to the point where I can't do what I want to and sometimes my husband gets disgusted.He chooses to stay ignorant with this DD, but other times, does what I am unable to, and tells me to relax. He just confuses me to the point of tears and the stress is no good. We've been married for almost 33 yrs. and I just want to make him understand. I'm sure it's because he can't fix me, and I know that it drives him nuts. Sorry for such a long rant, but I guess I feel a little better. Thanks for being here.

    Regards,

    Ellen
  2. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    I'm sorry your going through such a rough time. I'm not very good in the advise department and I could be missing the nail by a mile, but it sounds to me like maybe hubby is afraid that the meds might mess you up again and he just doesn't want you to go through that again. I think that means he does care...a lot! Maybe the next doctor's appointment you have the doctor could explain your med's to him and that might help? I'm sure someone on the board has some experience with this and can give you some better advise so I'm going to bump you up and give others a chance. I just wanted you to know someone does care and I didn't want to think no one was reading your post. I'm sending you a big hug and will keep you on my heart. I hope things get better real quick. I will share with you what I do on a bad day...I make a point of listing at least 5 things I am grateful for, I do this because sometimes things feel so rotton that I can't see the good in my life. And even in doing this, on some days I could only come up with three, and two of those were as simple as the sun shine and the birds singing...! There are alot of people who care, I am one of them.
    Takesha
  3. Red1967

    Red1967 New Member

    Hi (((Ellen))) I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I had a breakdown when my father died a little over a year ago, too.
    Does your husband go to doc appts with you? Mine always does, and early on in this mess, one doc even yelled at him, lol. I was in tremendous pain, and the doc was saying it was part of the fms. Hubby asked if there could be something else, because it just seemed like there had to be something tangible causing the pain. The doc said "What difference does it make, she's having all this pain, no matter the cause!" Since then, he's read alot about fms, and always had good questions for the docs, and makes sure we both understand before leaving the doc. that has made all the difference in the world.
    And please, don't feel like no one gives a hoot! I do!
    ((((((Hugs, Prayers, and Puppy Kisses))))))
    Red
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    If he won't go, go by yourself. He is stuck in the denial stage of grieving and needs to get past it. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie
  5. CelticLadee

    CelticLadee New Member

    I just wanted you to know that when I read your message I felt I needed to tell you that I give a "HOOT"! Sounds like you are having a really rough time of it. You have been married about the same length of time as me & my hubby. In Oct. we celebrate #33. I related to your line, "he can't fix me and I know that it drives him nuts" My husband has told me that very thing. I have kept him involved in my education of CFIDS so that he can understand me and fortunately he is a quick learner. There are misunderstandings at times but nevertheless the more open I have been with my feeling, etc. the better he relates to me. Sure we explain things to them and then we explain again & again. There is no way they can totally understand what it is like without being sick with the same disease. But the more they learn about it & understand us the better it is for your relationship. Is there possibly a way you can spoon feed him the information. I know if you try to lay a whole book or report on them they give up before they start. LOL. Often I ask my husband if he has minute to talk about something seriously concerning me - that gets his attention. Then we sit down and I explain an aspect of this disease that I haven't taught him about yet. I always make time for him by giving him any attention he may need too. Its the giving and taking that makes a relationship work. If I was only to take, take, take, take. It wouldn't work. You know what I mean? I'm not sure I have any answers for you but I just wanted you to know that I understand. I hope that you can help your husband to communicate with you better. I find that soft words always work better than accusations and defensive body language. They are hurting inside for us and need to vent too. Hopefully we can help them do it constructively. It is a ongoing process.
    My best to you. CLD
  6. horsegal

    horsegal New Member

    I'm new and we don't know each other "by type" yet...Even tho, I do give a hoot and I can empathize. I think all of us have been in a like position. Those close to us do want us back the way we were just like we'd like to return to the old us. It takes a while to accept...for everyone involved. I'm still not totally accepting this. I'm afraid to and I won't...then I'm afraid I'll stop fighting and trying to remain as active as possible. Hang in there...
  7. SueQ

    SueQ New Member

    D ear Ellen,
    I hear and unfortunally feel your pain. I've been to 35 doctors in the past 13 years and can't get any two of them to agree on a diagnosis. I've gone through Lumbar Nerve Blocks,IVIg treatments,EEG's EMG's MRI's X-rays,CT scans and enough drugs to kill a herd of elephants,MOST of which I had allergic reactions to. I am stiil srtuggling every day with chronic dibilatating pain in my hands,feet and lower back.
    My husband of 43 years ,as of May 12th, goes to EVERY doctor's appt not only for support but what I need most ,my second pair of ears. He has been there with questions and clarification requests of the dr and me. He helps me make sure I hear what I'm supposed to hear not what I want to hear.He also takes notes, which is a tremendous help as my memory has gone with all the drugs. He did promise for better or worse but neither of us ever dreamed it would be this "worse". I'm putting his name up for sainthood and even if he dosen't win ,he wiil always be a saint to me . I could never have taken this journey without him by my side cheering and badgering me on. I would have given up long ago without him.
    I'm so sick of doctors that just want to push drugs at you and insist that they work when I'm throwing them up in the toilet. I've found ,in my quest for pain relief, a web sight that offers something other than drugs. I don't know if any of the alternatives offered will work but I've tried everything else and I intend to give it my best shot.
    Please don't dispair, threr are so many of us in the same boat that need all the support we can get. Some day I will need your kind words to get me through the day.
    The web sight I found is www.chet@chetday.com just check it out and see all the alternatives that are offered. Some he charges for, some are free,all are interesting. Please tell Chet that Susan sent you to let him know I'm spreading the word.
    Always remember that in the middle of the night when your husband is asleep and you think you are all alone all you have to do is ask God to listen to your pain and it will ease.God and I have had many many late night chats and He is always there to listen when no one else is available.
    Let me know how it goes with Chet's "cures".
    May God Keep You Pain Free,
    Susan
  8. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member

    dear ellen, this is my very first time to this site and never have done this before. your note was the 1st one i read, so first must say how grateful i feel to have found people like me to communicate with. i have had fm for ever (diagnosed in 1990) and don't know anyone that could relate to the daily frustrations, pain, meds, explanations (whining LOL) to others that just nod and say uh-huh. i cried today too. but that was because i ran my arm into a cupboard door.... aaarrrggg. i so feel for you. maybe hubby is a frustrated as you and can't verbalize it. mine gets quiet when i complain. sometimes i don't feel he cares but he does. he just doesn't know how to respond. especially when i wake up and say..."i'm having a *&^%$# morning, don't talk to me" this has happened. he's very perceptive when to back off i try to get more creative with letting my family know how i am feeling. but there aren't too many ways except to sound like a complete hypochondriac. then it's like whats the use. they know. i know. so talking to them about it like hitting my head against a wall. (ouch) so i am very glad to meet you. since you are my first contact here i feel much better knowing i'm not alone, and that you aren't either.
    take care,
    alice
  9. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    I'm sorry that your husband isn't supportive of you. You do have this board to vent on. Know that we're supportive of you. dolsgirl