I feel like I live in a very narrow world. I'm housebound, and with the exception of my bi-monthly shower and a bit of computer time, I'm on this big blue couch all day. I can't even turn to look out the window when I want to. Oh sure, I've got a TV. Real fun to have a TV when I don't have the attention span and sound tollerance to use it. And I have a telephone, so I can reach out. But I'm too sick to think and talk. If someone asks me what I'm doing, I have to say, "I don't remember," because my memory's that bad. But hey, at least I have books. 60 library books out at a time, at the teenager and juvenile level for the short sentences and simple ideas. I return two thirds of them because they are too hard for me to read. Some days I can't even try to pick up a book. So, that leaves me with lots of free time. Free time for what? Well, I've given about every fake brown stone in the fireplace its own identity. Yes, there's my old friend, the stone that resembles a bow. There's the one that looks like a guy with a mustache. There's the chipmunk with the big eye. That one's the turtle head. And there's this lovely patch on the cottage cheese ceiling that looks like a laughing seal. I swear, I can see when the backyard tree is growing, I've stared at it so much. Add to this, the stress. The stress of having to get up and get something to eat when I can't think and can hardly stand. The stress of feeling sick all the time WHILE I'm busy being disabled. The stress of weighing whether I can walk to the bathroom right now or whether I should put it off till later. The noise of my family comming and going. My brother's knees click while he walks, and the sound is torture. Sleeping strange hours or hardly sleeping at all. Never knowing what twists and turns I'm going to wake up to. Relatives, friends, doctors, shunning or shaming. The barrage of useless and insulting advice... ((closet venter)) Shannon !!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!