Just Got Stunning, Horrible News

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hippo, May 20, 2003.

  1. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Hello, as some of you may know, I am in the midst of a horrible divorce. I have been too sick to work for almost 20 years. Inexplicably, my Ex is taking the position that there is nothing wrong with me and that I can work. He paid a rheumatologist $750 to evaluate me last month. I just got the news from the report--the rheumatologist says there is no physical basis for my symptoms!!! My lawyer says we will now have to use a psychiatric defense. That is totally humiliating, but I guess I will have to go along with it. The bottom line is that I need support money, I guess I can't be picky about HOW I get it. Anyone have any thoughts? Thanks.

    Hippo
  2. skychomper

    skychomper Member

    Although no one knows what causes FM, and that there are no "physical abnormalities" we can see to be effects or causes, the fact is, FM IS an illness, and its roots could be neurological. I would try to present the case that you have FM and that it is a bonafide illness. Evaluating conditions on physical proof proves nothing, since in FM, no physical sign of injury seems to be one of the hallmarks of the disease! Your lawyer can also get a doctor to evaluate you, or the doc you are going to right now can probably provide some kind of statement

    I think your defense should probably be FM and not psychiatric. Go with the truth on this. You shouldn't be intimidated out of speaking the truth about what is going on... or forced into a corner to say what your facing is less serious than it is.

    Just want to say that you have some control here even though these illness' can make us feel powerless. All my best wishes are with you!
    -skychomper


    [This Message was Edited on 05/20/2003]
  3. allhart

    allhart New Member

    go to the social security web site and check into filling for disability,under your soon to be ex record,also alimony not just for disabiled spouses! they have to prove that you have enough training and education to support yourself in the same manner as when youn were married!see anthor dr,get copies of all your mrdical records let a judge decide what he thinks of report your husband paid 750 for
    hugs
    kara
  4. chuggie

    chuggie New Member

    You have a right to get another opinion from a doctor of your choice. As for you lawyer telling you that you can't fight it, that you must use a psychiatric defense, HOGWASH! Get another lawyer. If the present one is telling you stuff like this, he/she just doesn't want to be bothered putting together a case for YOU, just wants to get it over with and get paid. You don't need that, you need an advocate and obviously your present atty. isn't one for you.

    Seriously, take it from someone who learned the hard way, once the divorce is final it is impossible to get anything reversed. Better to delay the divorce and fight no matter how long it takes, than to let them run over you with their wishes.
  5. chuggie

    chuggie New Member

    Don't know what state you live in, but there is "temporary supuport" in most states that you may be entitled to while the divorce is pending. Come to think of it, that could work to your advantage since most "temporary support" payments are usually more than the actual settlement because housing, utilities, maintenance, etc. are included. After paying the temp support for a while, maybe the ex will be more willing to negotiate a permanent settlement.
    Also, don't forget his retirement, make sure you check on getting your share.
    I know this sounds terrible and petty, but after getting screwed with 2 divorces myself, my daughter getting screwed in her divorce and several friends getting the short end, I've found out that it doesn't pay to be "nice & agreeable" when negotiating your settlement.
    You have made a home for this man for 20 years, you are entitled to every penny you can get no matter what HE says.
  6. momkatmax

    momkatmax New Member

    (OOOOh this burns me!)

    Dear Lady:
    Go to the website for the american college of rheumatology.
    http://www.rheumatology.org/research/classification/index.asp

    And see that Fibromyalgia is a diagnostic catagory only since 1990!!!!!!!!!!

    If you fit the criteria-you have the disease. Simple as that. They do not require blood test or MRI. And by the way if you would have these tests and they were postive that would add more confirmation to the diagnosis. BUT if they were neg. that just means there is another cause to your disease. SH** this doctor does not even go by the criteria established by his own society. (provided he is even a board certified rheum.)

    That doctor was paid off. Fight this girl, you can do it!
    [This Message was Edited on 05/20/2003]
  7. momkatmax

    momkatmax New Member

    Please see:

    http://www.rheumatology.org/patients/factsheet/fibromya.html

    nice fact sheet on fibro
  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so very sorry for all this. Haven't you been seeing your own docs for your illness? Can't you get an opinion from them for your side? What makes this doc your husband hired the ultimate word on your condition? I would not accept this nor would I keep an atty. who would accept it. If ever you need to stick up for yourself, this is it. I pray for you. Please keep us updated.

    Find an atty. who is an absolute shark and will go after your *&&#ing soon-to-be ex's balls. That may be the "shock & awe" needed to make him and his atty. take a reality check. This kind of divorce is war. Take no prisoners.

    Love, Mikie
  9. tansy

    tansy New Member

    An acrimonious divorce is difficult enough when you're fit, it becomes a nightmare when you're ill. A lot of us have been there.

    You've already been given some advice.

    None of us can tell you what to do but we can pass on ideas.

    I slowed things down; they were going too fast and I was losing track which my ex tried to take advantage of.

    Final divorce settlement was not as good as it could have been but CFS was even less recognised in those days.

    A new lawyer and good back up info will help, I wished I'd changed my lawyer at the time.

    Thankfully all that is long since past for me. Once my divorce was finalised I celebrated a new beginning and put my energies into bringing up our son and living my own life as best I could.

    Thinking of you

    Cheers

    Tansy

    ps have just seen Mikie's reply - brilliant!
    [This Message was Edited on 05/20/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 05/20/2003]
  10. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    to everyone who responded, and I will keep you posted.

    Hippo
  11. Myth

    Myth New Member

    Oh for God sakes some people are such morons!!! As if we do not have enough troubles dealing with that 'all in your head crap' without someone using it in court against us. Why can't you get a ruemy doc to get a second opinion to support your claim? Of course, I can see why he said there is no physical basis considering the diagnosis of FMS takes a little more than that (the tricky thing about pain is that no one can SEE that you are in it) and unfortunately there is no blood test to say for Sure that you have it. I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope you have luck with this. And I can see why your divorcing him or her.
    About getting support money, I am so not familiar in this area but maybe you could claim that your symptoms are psychosomatic caused by undue emotional strain and stress caused by your spouse! (All in your head but he or she darn well caused it).
  12. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I had a similar situation with my retirement. All my docs and other practitioners were in my ball park, agreeing that I was too disabled to teach school any more. The state hired a forensic psychiatrist who said CFIDS was believed to be all in the head, FM is not disabling, and that I was depressed, but able to teach. I saw him for all of 45 minutes and he gave me a "take home" test.

    I had to hire an attorney and spend $5,000 out of my own pocket to mount a defense. There is no way I could have done it on my own. I am still awaiting the results.

    The last time I saw my own psychiatrist I asked him if he knew the guy I had seen. I didn't tell hinm why. His response was "He's a corporate whore. He'll say whatever you want him to if you pay him." Well, that pretty much sums up what happened.

    I agree that you should pay for your own evaluation and or use doctors who you have already seen to counter his report. My attorney broke apart this guy's report line by line with reports and comments from my treating docs as well as a psychologist who had done neuro/psych testing on me for SSDI, at my expense. I had a few other tests done that backed up my case.

    The state wouldn't send this guy's report to me, but sent it instead to my doc. That was their first mistake. He was livid. By the time I saw him he had marked it all up and was ready to go to battle with this guy. He had a 24 hour urine test done for cortisol and it showed my levels were extremely low. In depression cortisol tends to be very high, in CFIDS it is very low.

    I am surprised your attorney hasn't suggested that you do this. You have nothing to lose and everything to win. Fight for what you know belongs to you!

    Barbara
  13. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    Do you have your own rheumy that can back you up? I wish you luck my friend. dolsgirl
  14. robbiebaby

    robbiebaby New Member

    Hippo I can't add to some of the good suggestions here, but just felt so angered by this outcome.
    I have to believe that another rhumie can be consulted.
    I understand your feeling humiliated.
    You are a valuable human being!
    I wish you good luck and an easy solution.
  15. Jillian40

    Jillian40 New Member

    Hippo -

    Here's a thought. Since they say there is evidence of FM/CFIDS in something called Substance P, see if there is a test you can have done for this. I read an article, it may be posted on this site, that substance P shows evidence of pain in the body. I believe it may be tested by doing a spinal tap and drawing blood this way.

    See if anyone else knows about this. Also do a search above for "Substance P".

    My heart goes out to you. Fight the good fight, pray before doing anything, and know that several hundred folks on this board are truly in your corner. I will ask God's protection over you.

    Blessings, ............ Jillian40
  16. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    where they proved it does show up on an
    MRI...go online search and print out every
    supporting report you can find. Present
    them to your lawyer as he seems too lazy
    to do this research himself. He should be
    lining up a specialist who deals with FM
    and believes in it and who has his own
    research papers or reports to show. Forget
    the mental thing or if anything let him use it as a second thing ie: depression
    due to the pain and not visa versa. Most
    places if you have not worked for years due to an illness you are a step in the right direction already as your husband
    accepted that as truth and agreed to support the two of you. A new lawyer now
    might be more than you can afford but the
    one you have needs a good pile of reports
    and studies placed in his face...maybe HE
    doesn't believe in it. Good luck! Hugs,
    Bambi
  17. tulip922s

    tulip922s New Member

    And I mean both of them,,,they rheumy and the ex. Don't let it get you down,,,,get mad. Go for 2nd and 3th opinions. Good luck. Tulip
  18. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    Go for it!

    Like someone said, all you need to do is fit the criteria, just like with cfs.

    Heck - there are no tests to prove that your soon-to-be-ex is behaving like a complete a**hole....but he IS!!!

    Don't let them steamroller you honey - use all the suggestion so far and fight back!

    We are all here to help you at any time - use us!

    hugs
    Mary x
  19. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Thanks again for all the responses. Just got an idea from my family doctor. He has known me for 15 years and totally understands my condition. He says the condition is not psychiatric, but since my lawyer wants a psychiatrist, he is recommending a BIOLOGICAL psychiatrist. This guy is a psychiatrist, but has a specialty in organic chemistry. So he can tie the physical in with the mental in a way that a regular psychiatrist cannot do. Things are looking up.

    Hippo
  20. Beth37

    Beth37 New Member

    I agree,with the rest of them,find you another rheumy to examine you.So sorry,you are going through this.((((HUGS))))) Beth