Just letting off steam...Does your spouse make your DD worse?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jinlee, Aug 15, 2006.

  1. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    I don't think it is normal to be fuming at 2 a.m. but too much pain and stress and can't sleep so might as well blow a fuse.

    Who thinks the stress their spouse puts on them causes their DD to be worse.

    I just want to go live in a cave, of course with a tv, computer, a dog and my pharmacy and just be left alone. Then maybe I would feel better. No telephone either.

    I just feel like crap and I am angry about that.

    Well, that felt good. Sorry to be a downer but tonight is a difficult one, and yes, I love my spouse but could do without him for awhile. I can't take his stress and anger he dishes out, makes me sicker.

    That said, I shall try to get some sleep.
  2. cczub

    cczub New Member

    Our spouse can definatly make it harder on us sometimes... My wife totally understands what's going on. However, with me only being 27 and haveing a house and a 6 year old son it's hard on her too... She sometimes expects too much from me. I do as much as I can but that's nowhere near enough to get everything done that has to.

    Hang in there...we're all with you!
  3. janieb

    janieb New Member

    We've been married for 43 years. It seems over the years my husband just gets angrier and of course, who is the person we take our anger out on?

    Of course it makes us worse and since I retired, we're seeing way too much of each other. Now that I'm home I've become his nurse, secretary, accountant, cook, maid and laundress. The cooking is especially important to him since he had a little German Mom who cooked for her family of 12, plus the hired men. She was a great MIL and a great cook. I've become so intimidated by her reputation and his demands that I HATE food.

    His entire family analyzes each meal while they're eating it and plan the next two meals. It's almost sick.

    Hope you did manage to get that sleep. If you find the cave, please let me know, but let's add a few more modern appliances.

    Blessings,

    janieb
  4. Lynneaquar

    Lynneaquar New Member

    My spouse is driving me crazy! He asked for a divorce and at this point he's going to get what he asked for.
    How about we ship THEM to a cave but with NO comforts and see how painful it is for them!

    I think the lack of understanding hurts us more. And they wonder why we are crabby??
    A person can only tolerate so much pain.
    I broke my back in a van accident and the hubby only took 2 days off to be with me. I wasn't allowed to do anything and even breathing hurt. I had to learn how to get dressed and wash my hair by myself. I was out of work for 4 months and could do nothing around the house. It was the worst time of my life. So I thought!
    I had the WORST flareup of my FM ever. I literally thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was dying and everything. The pain was so bad and the 3 months of hardly any sleep was killing me. I went to my family Dr and the Rheumy Dr and they both said it's the FM and gave me Lunesta to get some sleep. It was a god send.

    I can now look back on it and realize just what a jerk the husband really was and still is. I watch medical shows and he thinks I get my "illnesses" from them. Pretty moronic huh!
    I deserve better treatment than that and he needs to go!
    I figure that if I made it through that by myself than I can make it thru anything!
    I am on your side and you do feel better when you can vent.
    I hope today is a better day for you.
    Take care,
    Lynne
  5. roseylisa

    roseylisa New Member

    My husband says things to me like if you really wanted to work you would, and that he works no matter how bad he feels I would like to give him one of my flare ups and see if he can go to work! He says these things when he is drinking when hes not drinking he doesnt talk like that.
  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    understand us...

    jodie
  7. puffy1

    puffy1 New Member

    heres one for you.

    My husband convisced me to wuit work becuse he said it was takeing way too much out of me ( menaing i was too teird to tend to his needs and wants).

    But what I think what he was really saying is I wan't keepong up witht he house work enoygh and I was falling asleep at 7:00pm too tired from work and cooking and stuff.

    I tried to get him to shore the load but it was a no go.
    when I am having a bad pain day he still wants me to do thngs that well hurt me to do it.
  8. iggyangel

    iggyangel New Member

    since my DD, I feel that my husband has completely abandoned any duties around the house, and never helps me out at all.
    God forbid If my muscles were in spasms he would massage them, or go clean up the yard,
    he was so spoiled until I got sick, now he just whines..
    Ill rent the cave with ya!
    blessins,
    iggy
    PS, i feel it would be easier to be alone than married, cuz im sick of the lack of consideration, and tired of the BS of him always coming first.
  9. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I am not married but have dated and had relationships and I can honestly say that they worsened my condition and the stress just kills me.

    I am wondering if having a relationship in the future with this DD will be hurtful towards to my health. I guess it will be a trial and error and learning how to maintain my stress and not let others ruin my rainbow and sunshine in my own life. Anyway enough about me. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I know how painful it is.

    Even though I do not know you personally, but please do not feel like crap, yes I know easier said than done, but I know that you are a powerful woman full of worth and greatness. So please do not feel bad, you are so much more than you think you are.

    Hugs and much love!

  10. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    Yes...My spouse is a big part of my stress....he likes to sit in bars on his days off with his buddy. He is a fireman,works 2 days on 4 days off!
    I believe he is a functioning alcoholic....he does not miss work due to hangovers,so he can function.

    I am trying to detach my feelings about his drinking and go on with my life. I only wish I had left him when the kids were small. My poor children, the hurt they have endured from his drinkning. (showing up at gymnastics, soccer, Little League...)drunk as a skunk!

    That was yesterday, today is a new day....I am going to therapy to help me deal with this...
    My husband is in denial, he thinks he has not a problem..until he admits it there is nothing I can do, but detach, do what I need to do to make me happy..

    I love my spouse, but he is ruining his health,and the anger I feel is ruining my health too. I only hope he wakes up and helps himself.
    It is awful to live with an alcoholic, very, very stressful...
    Cindy
  11. millennia

    millennia New Member

    I wasn't going to respond to this, I thought just let the people vent! But I saw a post from someone single and just wanted to tell the single girls (and guys) not to be discouraged.

    I think it's especially helpful if you're already sick going into the relationship, as odd as that might sound. If you meet someone and they know your limitations right off the bat, they won't be surprised later on.

    I'm very lucky to have a wonderful man who helps me with cooking and the cleaning. If I'm having a bad day or a bad month, he's fine with takeout or sandwiches every night. With have our problems, but I'm very lucky to have found such an understanding guy.
  12. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    we just need a little space. Understanding would be nice too, but I hear what you're saying. Take care and I hope you feel better today! Terri
  13. loonlady222

    loonlady222 New Member

    I get no support or help with much and when he does do something the whole world knows. it's like he does it everyday and i just sit around and do nothing. he retired over 6 yrs ago and i thot he would help more around the house but he just made it worse and expected me to still do everything and put up with him just sitting and watching tv and picking up after him. clothes where they drop things left lying around etc and when i ask him to pick up or help more i'm b....ing. GOOD LORD. I give up! he spends most of his time at the cottage now and i thot that would be better. it is in a way but i have to pick up the work load here and do whatever has to be done with the house and he expects me to do all his running around while he sits at the cottage amd does what he wants when he wants without a care in the world, which i did for a while but have learned that "so sad to bad i couldn't do that for you". so you don't have enough food to last til i return to the cottage-get off your fat butt and borrow a car to go buy some food!!!
    i went back to work part time and found it hard but did enjoy it and it is a summers off job but i'm on my feet steady for 5 hrs a day. that definitely did not help my situation but it's great t o get out and be with people. I've thot of divorce but after 37 yrs it's hard to do and we don't see much of each other except on weekends soon and when he comes home for a few days and goes into depress mode cause he's not at the cottage and complains about the honey do list which he doesn't do anyway. Does my hubby make it worse...YES. LOL hugs Beth.
  14. matthewson

    matthewson New Member

    and I finally told him I was filing for divorce, as I could no longer take the fighting between him and my son. Also, he was not spending any time with me, and was escaping the problems around here by constantly going out with friends. I felt like I was single anyway, so I told his whole family I was filing for divorce.

    Anyway, his mother really got on him and so did his sister, and my son and daughter laid into him also, and he has done a complete turn around. He is now back to the way he was when I was first diagnosed with this and was at my worst! He was so supportive then and he was my rock, as I posted in my bio. I don't know why he was acting the way he was, but thank goodness it has ended and we are back to normal.

    He has even started leaving me notes saying he loves me and that is very unlike him! So, sometimes, it can just be a temporary thing and if you get all your ammunition on your side (MIL, SIL, kids) and show them that it is not just you that notices this about him, it may help.

    I feel for you all, as I know just from the few months that this has been going on, how awful it is! I also wanted to crawl in a cave and leave everything behind!

    Take care, Sally
  15. SolitaryDancer

    SolitaryDancer New Member

    I am with you 100%. I have the same issues and lack of concern or anything. I am on the verge of separation. I think it will be for the best

    Deb
  16. darvick

    darvick New Member

    I need to do more about my selfishness. Not even looking for some under the table work from home etc....If i complain about my symptoms I get an ear full.

    I dont even drive that far because I dont trust my judgement and neither do they.
    but if I go to the pool which is good for me Im just staying at home, lounging living off them. Not produtful, wasting my life. Being onthis board bla bla

    That just shows that they really dont understand. Lazy I am not , never have been. Oh yea i love this one what do you want your gravestone to say that youve done nothing with your live except take care of the house??? funny hahahhahaha

    Take care guys we can prevail!!! Single,married we can have as good a life as we can

    Hugs
    Darlene
    [This Message was Edited on 08/21/2006]