Just need an ear and advise Please help me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hootie1, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Hootie1

    Hootie1 New Member

    My son is in band and plans to go to college for music (ever since he was 5 he knew :)

    Because I am not always dependable I try to volunteer where I can and my husband is very good about going to meetings without me when I can't. He also volunteers.

    Last year I volunteered to put together an email list (250 entries) so that I could send out mass emails to contribute to the boosters. However, in hotmail, I was cut off and could only send out 10 at a time and then was totally cut off. I am now using my own email and it seems to be ok, but this year with new kids and others dropping off the list needs to be changed, etc. There is another girl who loves doing things like this and I am considering asking her to do it this year.

    My husband wants me to do it but it has become a real point of stress for me. I want to ask this person to take it over for me and feel fine about doing it and I (surprisingly) don't feel like a failure even though I never quit anything because of being a perfectionist, but I have changed since this DD has gotten worse.

    I'm thinking that I should volunteer in a different way and not in a way that I feel overwhelmed.

    What do you think? mentally and physically I have become very weak and filled with anxiety to the point that I have a hard time going to the meetings because I am afraid that they will ask me to send out emails and I don't have the list prepared and need to interact too much.

    Please help me with any advise you can. Thanks.
  2. bre_ann

    bre_ann New Member

    we are fellow band parents!! I think you need to do what you feel you need to do. If you think you can help in other ways that would be better for you, then do it. I can't take on things I KNOW I can't do even though the band would love it. Like, I will help out in concessions but I won't be "in charge" of them. There are people who will take that on. So don't feel bad. You could see if someone else would be willing to do it. Who knows, there just might be a person wanting to do something like that to help with the band instead of what THEY'RE doing.
    Anyway, my son has been in band and is now a Freshman at a nearby university pursuing a music degree. Nice to meet you and I hope you will find peace in your decision. :)
  3. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    Our lives have drastically changed. We all find that because of this DD, we need to redefine who we are. If you don't mind me asking, why is your hubby so bent about how you volunteer? If doing this extra stuff does a number physicaly on you, then don't do it. Have you talked to your son about it? If another women is willing to halp ouy, by all meams let her do it And please, please do not
    feel guilty. It is now time to care for you.
    Goof luck, Jenn
  4. robin1667

    robin1667 New Member

    Sounds like this is causing alot of stress and anxiety for you.
    If another person is willing to do this,(if it were me) I would ask her.
    If she says yes, then problem solved. If she says she may need some help-- If you feel up to it help her--when YOU feel up to it. If you don't feel up to it,tell her.
    The stress and anxiety is not worth more health problems.
    Have you told hubby how this is stressing you out? Hopefully he is understanding about your health problems.
    If he's not understanding, you still need to do what is best for YOU,physically and emotionally.Hope this helps.This is just my 2cents worth. Hugs,Robin
  5. luvdogs

    luvdogs New Member

    Learn to say no. That's it!
  6. Hootie1

    Hootie1 New Member

    Thank you all so kindly!!! I am always amazed at how wonderful you all are!!!

    I feel so much better after reading your replies and you are right, I will talk to her.

    I think that my husband just wants me to be happy and feels bad that I am feeling bad. I have been through alot, but our husbands have to. I am very lucky because many husbands have taken off. He knows that I would do the same for him and it is better after many years of marriage - 21 years may not be a lot to some, but it is enough to better understand the priorities. :)

    How cool that your son is in band (I have forgotten your username as I am writing this and am not sure of how to go back without losing my text). I'd love to talk to you more about the band experience and where your son went to school etc....

    Are you near Austin? We watch Austin City Limits often and my son dreams of us moving there. (hee, hee)
  7. pasara

    pasara New Member


    You wrote:

    "mentally and physically I have become very weak and filled with anxiety to the point that I have a hard time going to the meetings..."

    volunteer in a different way. you don't need the stress. they will survive without you. give the new girl a chance to contribute.
  8. kbak

    kbak Member

    you should never do any more than you can do. Stress makes our condition worse.Your Hubby and friends need to be educated about the stress factor and your health. You are the one that must draw the line in the sand for yourself not what other people "think". if your going to be driven by guilt, your going to be miserable.

    Take care,