Just need to talk about something

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kinsie, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I know we've all covered this subject so many times. I know the answer to my problem, but I seem to have no control over the circumstances.

    I just have no one to talk to. It's about trying to get a complete night's sleep.

    I can fall asleep fairly well. I can stay asleep until about 3:00 am. I wake up, but can usually go back to sleep most times if I'm left alone!!!.

    My problem lies with my husband. He watches TV until late ( he's retired, I'm not). He lets our little chihuahua sit on his lap while he watches TV, and the two of them usually fall asleep in his recliner.

    Here's the problem.....he hates to be alone. He likes me to be with him alot, especially at night. He has terrible dreams, and has recently lost the last of his family members, and he's only 58 years old. He's having kind of a hard time of it. He was close to his family. I'm all he has left, and he's not an independent kind of person.

    Well, about 4:00 or 4:30 am, I'll look up, and there he is standing there with the doggie wanting to get in the bed. That sounds harmless. The kicker is that he wants to drape himself on me ( oh, the pain). That keeps me from moving around like I do constantly.

    Then, he snores ( loud ). The doggie is used to sleeping with him, so she's part of the package! Then she lays on me, and I hate to keep moving and waking the dog up. So I spend the time until I have to get up for work, moving the dog, telling my husband to turn the other direction, and generally being miserable.

    Sometimes I get so mad. Then after I've complained, the next day I feel bad about it.

    No matter how many times I explain my problem to him, he just doesn't quite get it ( or, if he gets it, he just doesn't pay any attention to me).

    I'm about to go under. I feel so bad, and it is really affecting my work. I used to "whip and pop" at work, and now I have a hard time making decisions, and recalling important information.

    My husband wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose. Because getting up all during the night doesn't bother him ( he could stay up late even when he worked without it bothering him.) he thinks I'm making too much of it.

    Well, now I got that off my chest!!!

    Thanks for being my friends.


  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    You have a legitimate grip. I would go over it all again with hubby and reach some kind of compromise. Until he knows that it is effecting your work he might not change.

    I am glad you got it off your chest. Breathe easy and rest.

  3. lhoffpauir

    lhoffpauir New Member

    I have been dealing with this terrible pain for many years now and have lost many relationships due to the pain and the extreme sensitivity to touch (ALL OVER). My family is just now beginning to understand a little of what I am going through. Some of them need to read things in black and white so my partner and I wrote a letter to my family trying to explain to them what I am going through in terms that they can understand. That seemed to help since it was 1. in black and white and 2. it was written in a language they could understand. I have finally found the love of my life/my soul mate and when the closeness at night gets too painful for me, I purchased one of those body pillows and I place that between us and we can still cuddle but i don't have the pain that comes with the closeness. We also hold hands throughout the night when the pain is too intense for anything other than that.

    You are very lucky that you can get back to sleep after waking or being wakened. I have a terrible time getting back to sleep after waking. I am afraid to do anything like turn the tele on or read or get on the computer as I might not make it back to sleep so most of the time I just lie in bed and rock back and forth if I am in much pain.

    If I may ask, why is your husband retired? Is there a reason he cannot work?

    Anyway....just a few thoughts!!!

    Good luck, Leslie
  4. code34me

    code34me New Member

    Kinsie I dont know how you do it? I could not have my husband cuddleing with me while I am trying to sleep. It has been an issue for us for awhile now. He use to take it so personal when I would sleep on the couch. But between the two of us (my pain, tossing and turning and his snoring and jerking) I could not get any sleep. I did show him some postings here so he could see it was not him that I could not sleep with but the pain from the FM. When he saw how many people have the same issues it got him to thinking. So mabey you could show him or print some info for him?

    Take care of you! Codey
  5. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    Thanks for your replies.

    I don't mind answering your question at all, lhoffpauir, about my husband being retired. He was a men's hairstylist for many years until he had several back operations ( that will put you out of the hair business real quick!!).

    Now he deals in antique toys, knives, guns etc., buying and selling from home. His health isn't top notch. In fact, he has a lot of pain himself, but it's not ALL OVER his body!!

    He has dyslexia, and a couple more problems that he's had to deal with all his life, and he's always counted on me for alot of things that maybe someone without his disabilities might not do.

    We got married when we were both 16 years old. In June it will be 42 years ( just the 2 of us, no children).

    So, our situation isn't your "run of the mill".

    Again, thanks for responding.


  6. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I thought about showing my husband some postings, but I never did it.

    You have a good idea. He takes it so personal also. Some times I just want to stay on the couch, and not go thru all that it takes to get ready for bed. Sometimes I'm just too exhausted to try to put on my PJs, and take the bedspread off the bed!!!

    Thanks for your idea. Maybe that will make him realize how real my problem is.

  7. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    ok kinsie your among friends on here.
    Thats what were here for to love & support you & to give you advice plus if you want to vent go ahead!
    You take care here are some very gentle hugs for you ((((((.
    I will pray for you & yours.
  8. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    There is the size of a whole twin bed between us.And our 3 mini schnauzer sleep there.The bigger bed worked fine.

  9. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    I know what you mean, for years my husband and I could"t sleep together so now we have are own rooms we both do much better. right across the hall from each other if I get scared, I have bad dreams sometimes ,I just go to his door and he comes in with me, I also have a body pillow and that helps between us so you don"t have some one touch ing you all night helps with the pain. we do hold hands. and he prays with me when I"m real upset. Sixtyslady
  10. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    I even put a twin mattress pillowtop over our queen pillowtop to try and make it comfy and teased him about staying on his half of the bed.It didn't work, during the night he gets over the hump and wraps his arms and body around me.We've been married 46yrs. and he is very understanding of my illness but he causes me so much pain I wake up moaning and have to ask him to move.I guess he doesn't know he's doing it.
  11. SandraJean

    SandraJean New Member


    My husband and I always shared the same bedroom and bed, but over 15 years ago he came down with spastic parpelegic and has gone to a wheelchair. We were still able to use the same room, but decided to switch to twin beds. He snores alot and ended up with a bi-pap machine. Over two years ago I finally ended up being in a wheelchair too, with both oseo and psoriatic arthritis. Our house is not that big, so our bedroom wasn't too big and trying to get two wheelchairs in one room was kind of tricky. Finally I decided to try to use my daughter bed room (she's moved out a number of years ago) and I found that it was so much easier for us. I'm a late nighter and also wake up in the night alot and now we are not keeping each other awake and still our own beds. We've been mariied 40 years this June.

    Good luck to you and your husband and I hope you find a solution to help both of you.

    Take care,

  12. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    You got that off your chest. Now you need to get him off your chest.

    I don't see that you have any choice. If being sweet and reasonable doesn't do it, you will have to be firm.
  13. halo52208

    halo52208 New Member

    I understand as I can't let my husband cuddle with me either. I get to hot and I toss and turn to much. Even our cat knows that, so when he jumps up on our bed, he lays on my husbands side.

    You need to tell your husband, because he can't read your mind. If you don't think he'll listen, write a letter. That's what I have to do sometimes when my husband doesn't listen. When it's in a letter, they can't interupt.

    Just let him know how much you love him and that will never change. But he needs to do this for you and if he cares and loves you he will at least try to make a change.

    I hope this helps.

  14. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I sure appreciate all your support!!!

    This morning my husband said out of the blue "I'm going to stay in my recliner tonight". He said the bed was making his back problem worse.

    I wish I didn't have this darn FM. It interferes with everything, doesn't it?!!


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