JUST SO SAD

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by sommersolovely, Apr 4, 2011.

  1. sommersolovely

    sommersolovely New Member

    I love to be around people and I love the feeling of helping people.

    But when I look at myself I am disgusted by what I see. As many pills as I take and counseling sessions I go to. I don't know that will ever help. My doctor tells me to lose weight and that will improve my self esteem. I can lose weight slowly but not at the pace that I would like to see. I wonder sometimes why am I here? Do I have a purpose in life? It's so hard. People also look at me and say your 22 what do you have to be depressed about?
    Thank you sometimes you need to let it all out because not to many people want to listen about another persons problems.
  2. naomihyde

    naomihyde New Member

    Everyone has a purpose in life the trick is finding what it is and that is not easy. Never fill alone in your depression everyone gets depressed at 19 I was so depressed and confused. I ended up in a mental facility. I then found out I was pregnant which gave me a greater purpose in life I had a reason to live. I know that you to have a greater purpose in life mine became my daughter which lead me to college and a great career. Good luck in life and remember that there are others out there struggling just as you are now. And, always remember you do have a purpose!!

    Naomi.
  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    What did you ever do, to now look at yourself and be disgusted by what you see?? Be "disgusted" when looking at child molesters and rapists, etc., but not because you have gained weight. Some people believe if they put on 5 pounds, they are "disgusting" and I believe that is a mentality that needs some professional help as weight should never make a person disgusting.

    Too many intolerant people in the world are so willing to treat us poorly, whether we are short, tall, disabled, overweight, underweight, disfigured, lost hair due to cancer, etc.--so don't you treat yourself poorly. If it were me, I would chuck the doctors you have that falsely tell you that weight loss equals self esteem (that isn't always true), and find a mental health professional that deals with weight gain problems, and ditch all the weight loss pills (because to last a lifetime, you have to do it without pills). It's also time to get a full physical and lab work, with all hormones to get a picture of your health.

    Our society went through the era when "Twiggy" ruled, then when "Kate Moss" and the "waif" look hit the runway. This is not the way people look in our society and is not a real picture of the American woman.

    Below is the post I put on the "Depression" board here the other week about being overweight. I want you to know that self loathing and self esteem do not magically improve with loss of weight until the core issues are resolved--otherwise you gain back any lost weight. You have to find out what's behind the weight gain.

    -------------------

    [I've seen on the ProHealth boards some posts where people seem to loath themselves or are depressed at being overweight. I saw this particular column of question and answer in the newspaper and was grateful that someone finally addressed that being overweight might be hormone imbalance, sexual abuse/assault and "tattered self worth" among many other reasons and a good start is to accept overweight people as they are. I believe the response is so worthy of reading.]

    Sunday, March 6, 2011
    By Carolyn Hax, syndicated columnist in various newspapers

    QUESTION: My 20-something daughter is overweight. Doesn't eat right or exercise. Will NOT discuss. But -- if we go shopping together, her physical self-loathing is so evident, a person could drown in it.

    What, if anything, can a parent do or say? There have never been boyfriends of any ilk, ever. Believe me when I say intelligence, personality, charm -- all there. It's only weight between her and dating.

    I would keep my lip zipped, if it weren't for these "windows into the soul" that shopping with her gives me, and for my parental gut instinct that she would love to receive that offer of a first date.

    I've tried a few approaches to the subject and failed miserably. I'd happily give my life to see her happy, and I curse my own gender for the stereotypical shallowness of that age.

    ANSWER: It isn't just young people who can get blinded by weight.

    You seem awfully sure about cause and effect here, that her poor choices = extra weight = datelessness.

    But I don't share your certainty. While it's entirely possible that your daughter's unhappiness is all about poor habits, it's not the only possibility. It could also be that your daughter's weight is a symptom of her self-loathing, where you've assumed it's the reverse.

    It could be, too, that an underlying medical condition (e.g., hormone imbalance) = extra weight = failed efforts to lose weight = giving up =self-loathing.

    It's also, sadly, not unusual for a history of sexual abuse or assault to lead to eating problems and tattered self-worth.

    And these are just a few cause-effect examples.

    Being overweight might scare off suitors, but self-loathing deters them, too -- good ones, with no "stereotypical shallowness" to blame. There's the obvious reason, that negativity and self-doubt aren't attractive qualities; often only people who already know us well will push past them to get to the charming person within. A more subtle reason: Negativity can be a sign that someone needs to get well, not wooed.

    I realize that's what you want, for your daughter to get well. But the only fix you envision is weight loss, and that reduces your unspoken message to "Fat people are broken and need to be fixed" -- which turns your well-meaning concern into something offensive. It would explain why your daughter shuts down whenever and however you address her weight.

    Without knowing for sure why she's overweight, where her self-loathing originates or whether she even wants to date, you don't have grounds to judge what she needs -- and within each of these variables, there's room for your daughter to have a serious problem unrelated to treadmill use. To see what it is, you have to be able to see past the weight issue, and see her for who she is.

    So please abandon all of your assumptions and conclusions about what she wants, how she feels and how she got there. Instead, stick to what you witnessed: the intense physical self-loathing.

    Start by apologizing for dwelling on her food choices or whatever points you've specifically raised in your past few "approaches to the subject." Say that you saw how shopping upset her and jumped to all kinds of conclusions, when what you should have done was tell her she's beautiful and ask her about the source of her pain.

    There's no guarantee she will open up to you. Your best (and most ironic) chance that she will, though, is to accept her, and love her, exactly as she is.

    [This Message was Edited on 04/08/2011]