Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cromwell, May 3, 2006.

  1. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    We have the long awaited big meeting to fight for a place at a specialised school for Danny jnr(he has autism).

    I think it is terribly unfair how few places they have and it being based upon competition,(the most uncontrolled get in, rather than the kids who tried harder) plus if he does not get a chance here, there is literally no place for him.

    We have tried lots of private schools and every single one turned us down, which speaks volumes.

    So keep your fingers and toes crossed that we are favorably received at stage one, today, which is getting his name on the list.

    The reason there are so few places is that these schools are geting filled up with kids who chose to misbehave,juvennile delinquents, who now get labelled as Emotionally Disturbed. They rob the kids with real disabilities of places.

    When they get places they just do all they can to wreck things as well. I feel sorry enough for them, but I object to special education money going for them. It should come from social services instead. Just my little vent.

    Well wish us luck,

    Love Anne C

  2. wildflowers2

    wildflowers2 New Member

    Wishing you the best.In my thoughts and prayers

  3. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Complete waste of time.

    Wake, this school the class for teh Aspergers kids is separate, but yes, we share those same concerns as there is a little overlap. The thing is the special schools are meant to be for kids with disabilities not kids who are bad. We have two schools locally that are especially for trouble maker kids, so I don't know why they are dxing them with Emotional Disability, there are no more emotionally disabled than my big toe!

    As usual, 25 mins of the meeting was used up on BS of trivial matters, so then we all had to rush for the important stuff.

    I could not believe that even after several parents have made the district aware that a self contained classroom teacher at Middle School has bullied at least three kids into psychiatric units(but let's not blame the teacher, maybe the kids had hidden bi polar) Right!!! He is a bully for sure. Anyway, the district and Danny's current teacher were STILL saying it would be an OK class for Danny.

    I wouldn't mind but the Director was there and we have tried to help her a lot and she did not have a great deal to say on behalf of our son. He had typed out reasons he could not go to regular school that would break your heart in two. The school psychologist was the worse. She was hostile to say the least. She told Danny's counselor that she (the counselor) was not there to advocate for the family. She treated us like cr....p as well, always does, the witch. Well screw them. We will home school Danny. He learns zilch at school and there is a strong home school group here of nice, decent parents with real values, that meet every day and co teach. We shall just join that group.

    It p's me off that we shall still have to pay school taxes though, when they have nothing at all for our child. As far as I am concerned, if they are forcing us to home school then the $20,000 a year they claim for our kid should be allocated back to us. I never thought I would support vouchers but the schools leave us with no choice.

    I have no chance of getting a job if I am homeschooling, it is totally unfair.

    After 20 mins of arguing for a recommendation for the special school they produced one that was already filled out, they just HAD to make us grovel for it. Well, after the principal was honest enough to say that although the classroom was OK the rest of the school was full of bullies, we don't even want to consider that.

    The other thing that bugs me is that we shall now have to grovel to be allowed to homeschool, they make us comply with all sorts of tests etc. that they themselves do not adhere to.

    Oh well, at least we won't have to be up early, have to do packed lunches, have to have him stressed all the time. We can pick and chose his friends too.

    I am mad at Dan as well as we had a great program set up for Danny in NJ and he dragged us back here to expensive, failing NY State and the lousy weather and expensive taxes, fuel and housing. In fact, we had an even better school in Washington State and he dragged us back from there. He has to always be back where he grew up, and me, well, I am 3,000 miles from England.

    Seems like everyone has to be perfect to get any sort of service, whether it is our DD or our kids, it makes no difference, we are all treated like third rate people.

    Oh well, vent over. I am so upset though. I will go to one more meeting with the parent group, just to say that we are leaving it as it is less than useless trying to work WITH the school district as friends as all they understand is looking after their own interests.

    LOve Anne C

  4. bluemoon1monday

    bluemoon1monday New Member

    I have read most of all of your posts concerning the issues you have had since I joined this group. I wished there was something I could do to help. What a shame!

    You are an excellent and caring parent to Danny. Do not give up, I just know you will come up with a solution.

    Keeping you in my thoughts
  5. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I am so sorry you are going thru this. I wonder when we will wake up and start acting like the nation we purport to be: compassionate and caring.

    When disabled people have to go thru torture before they gain their rightful entitlements as human beings, it is truly a sad state of affairs.

    You know we are all here for you, and if there's a subject you have a hard time home-schooling, just probably won't be ME that knows the subject, but we have a lot of really smart people here! Ask, ok?

    You have my respect and love for all you try to do for Danny. He will know it all his life, believe me.

  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that it didn't go well...

    During all of your explainations I kept wondering, what in the heck happened to juvenile detention centers???

    Isn't that where those other kids should be? Sorry if this is out of line, but I've lived overseas for many years now.


    Nancy B.
  7. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Yes, the JD centers are here, right where we live and half full. The school districts see the JD kids as being lucrative to them so they compete with the JD centers for them.

    In fact one JD Center is now taking in disabled kids. I wish they would do ALL disabled kids as it is a lovely place, set on its own farm, with cottages for the teachers who live in for the residential kids. They raise orgainic crops and run a small driving range.

    I just cannot believe that not just in the USA but in a town with an Ivy League College, that there is no surtable place for Danny to attend school next year.

    The self contained classrooms are about four grades below his current level academically but socially he is below every kid in the class. So as we did this year, we sent him in for the social experience, but he is held back academically as he was doing this work in 2nd grade and he is now 5th.

    I have been up all night worrying it over. The school district is coy, they KNOW they good parents will homeschool but why should we be forced to do this? Maybe we can sue them for loss of earmnings?


    Love Anne C
  8. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    I could just cry when I read your post. I know exactly how you feel.

    Our daughter is getting ready to graduate from high school (public) next month. It's been a long hard 12 years. We'll all be glad when it's over.

    She is off to college, to study art, where I have already met with the disabilities office, one of the women was a real "B" but I stood my ground, I have learned not to be walked on, maybe the public school walked on me but I am not going to stand for it from a university where I am paying them. I walked away with some services and a private dorm room for her.

    I agree with whoever posted about the schools being full of behavioral kids. Other parents I am in touch with have found this out too. I was told autistic kids shouldn't be put in with this crowd.

    There are a couple of schools within an hour drive of us that are specifically for the NLD/Asperger population but I could not afford them.

    My poor kid was bullied and ostracized through 12 years of school, even before we got a good diagnosis it was very obvious she was different from the preppy, sports-worshipping, freshly scrubbed little clones that make up the majority of our young population in this small-minded little town. Those years were filled with misunderstandings from teachers, fellow students, and even parents.

    My daughter had a complete nervous breakdown in her junior year and I had to remove her from school for a while to let things simmer out. Through good counseling and medication she has returned to school, she did an independent art study and is graduating with honors.

    From 7th grade on she had an Ed Plan that was basically ignored. I had to ride shotgun on the teachers and the administration to see that her accommodations were met. Over the years I developed FM and Crohn's disease and I am convinced this stress was partially responsible for it.

    There is so much misunderstanding and prejudice about the autism spectrum in general, it just makes me so angry. In retrospect I wish I had homeschooled my daughter. She didn't need to go through what she went through. She developed a real attitude and a failure chain, though that seems to be turning around now.

    I thoroughly support your decision and I think there are some great resources out there for homeschoolers now. Quite frankly I always thought of myself as my kids number one teacher from the time they were small, and as they have gone through school I have continued in that role.

    You know what makes your son tick, and the best way that he learns, and you will be able to teach him.

    All the best,
  9. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    As one who works with kids with Aspergers and Autism sometimes in my classroom, I wish you the best of luck in finding thr right place for your son. I did want to say this: there is a lot of overlap in public schools, anyway, with "emotionally disturbed" children and those with Autism/Aspergers, as others were saying.

    SO much depends on the specific classroom, and the teachers and assistants, their level of knowledge and training, etc. and the mix of kids. Right now I have a class with four little boys, mixed with Aspergers/emotionally disturbed "behavior problems". I have been on a leave of absence from my job due to dealing w/ leukemia, and I miss these boys like you would not believe! They sent me a card in the hospital with their photos pasted inside and messages, and I cried buckets.

    These little guys get along well for the most part, help each other and learn from each other dispite their varied problems and diagnoses. Additionally, very specific help is given for each depending on his personal needs. In my classroom, at least, I do not feel our Aspergers kids are "lost" among the other kids, nor the Autistic ones when we have them.

    Anyway, Anne, I digress---I will be pulling for you and your son to get find another placement that will work for him and you! Keep looking and do not give up! Please let us know how it goes...

    [This Message was Edited on 05/04/2006]
  10. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    for his opportunity for an education that will work for him...

    i hate to say this but it is like this out here as well same politics...except i find it even more said the way i understand from my son....

    the disabled children that are sitting in classes same ones he is taking...received an "a" even though they can not do the work...

    walter is the child's name...i
    have seen him around the school system since middle school...can not function mentally or speak california sticks him in these class w/very normal learning students...w/state assistant worker...just basically to socially stimulate him....none of kids play with him...and it just never seemed right to me that they would [ut a child in a school that doesn't have specail classes fro people with his illiness....he has had accidents wetting/and pooing, and verbal outburst...and he is in a wheel chair....

    the other kids just never really understood why this person was in his class when he can not understand anything mentally.....

    just really said there needs to be more specialized schools just so these souls get the education for them that works for them.....

    so i wish your son the best school possible for him...

  11. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Oh Anne,
    So sorry to hear of all the troubles for your son. My sister's sister-in-law has a beautiful little girl that is borderline Aspberger's and nobody knows quite what to do with her (guess what? - they live in NY state also). I see a beautiful unique little girl just as I am sure you see a beautiful unique little boy.

    I can identify with the pain that any sensitive/"different" kid can go through - I did it most of my entire life. When I was 9 years old I had a college-age reading level, but socially, backwards. By the time I hit middle school I never fit in. I was bullied so bad that by the end of 8th grade my mom made the decision that I was going to parochial school because I would not have been able to handle a freshman high school class with 1200 students. She was right, too, but high school was still hell for me.

    My yearbook quote was "If High School Is Supposed To Be Heaven, Who Needs Hell?"

    I think one of the reasons I had alcohol problems is that I perpetually see the world from a very different place than other people - and it's most likely because of my screwed-up brain chemistry. I was at my worst when I was trying to make myself "fit" with the booze.

    I've learned the hard way that all I can do is be me, whether people "get" me or not. I'm a weird scientist as well - I cannot process classic "logic", but I can see the solution to a scientific problem without being able to tell you how I arrived at it. My "bonus" weird ability is with languages - love to learn them, can pick them up easily.

    But I did eventually figure out who I am, what I am and where my place is in the world. That's because my family always gave me love and support. I'm still very sensitive and my feelings can be easily hurt. I can be very emotional. Sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes it's a curse.

    I was fortunate to marry a "different" guy - and our children will hopefully have most of the best of us both. My oldest daughter is very emotionally sensitive but her academic abilities are closer to Dad's (brilliant math, logic) than mine (normal reading level).

    Your son will find his way with your love and guidance. He sounds extremely bright - it does seem to me that the people who are supposed to be helping him, don't "get" him. You have every right to sue the school district to get the services your son needs.

    Is it possible to get him independently evaluated so that you have defense against his "public school" IEP? I think you could possibly get services to come right to you, rather than stressing your son out, which I'm sure makes everything worse for him.

    Sorry you had such a tough day. You're a wonderful Mom and you're doing your utmost to get the best for your baby. Don't give up!

    Madame Curie
  12. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I actually lecture on autism studies, and I feel totally insulted by the school district that they do not acknowledge this yet they are using some of my course materials themselves!!!

    A classic example of how these kids get bullied yet are not even aware they ARE being ridiculed happened yesterday.

    A very provocative girl at Danny's school(in the specialist class with him-(all of the other kids are kids having learning difficulties, not social and some are really street smart!) well you can see the writing on the wall with this gal as she has been "after" Danny as he is tall and good looking for sure. She keeps picking him up then dumping him, and she realises full well about his naivety. Danny said this morning how the girls, led by this particular one, were telling him something really funny yesterday and how they were all laughing. "It was a joke they said mom" he told me. What they were doing was calling him chicken and have him say "I am chicken" then they were peeling with laughter. Poor Danny does not know what chicken means except as a bird, he did not realize they were making fun of him.

    Can you imagine what great fodder he would be for regular kids if this is how the other special needs kids react?

    I wanted to share a few facts too. 300 children with autism have been murdered in the last 15 years here in the USA. In all but two cases, the murderers got off completely(some were other kids most were caregivers)and the two that didn't got 4 and 7 year sentences. In all the cases the judges felt the autistic child had provoked the murderer just by being autistic???

    There have been several cases of death penalties, however, being given to people with autism who confessed to "crimes" under interrogation that in the vast majority(maybe all) of the cases, they did not commit, or would have been capable of committing. Becaue they were picked out by strangers or police as lurking about or acting strangely, they were picked up for questioning. They were given statements to say that they did not even understand. If anyone read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in The Nighttime" Mark Haddon, where an autistic boy is accused of killing a dog, you will see how easily what they say can say under pressure is just autism talking.

    A large proportion of children being abducted by strangers either have autism or could have been dxd with autism-thes4e kids just do not "get" being wary of strangers. Several autistic children in school systems are set up by other kids to commit crimes on their behalf as they believe they are supposed to do it if they are told to.

    Autistic children and adults in group homes are more laiable to be abused by caregivers as they cannot accurately describe the abuse, in other words, the caregivers are absolved.

    Many people dxd with bi polar illness actually have autism.

    Well, we are persuing action, we have given the SD a week to provide a written list of placement options that are research based(IDEA 2004 that came into effect last year calls for all placements to be research based BTW)we know they have none, then we will see if they can create a program. We also put in a complaint about the professionals at the table who were acting like nazis.

    I will post later when we see any results.

    Love Anne C

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