Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by HeavenlyRN, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    ....just wondering how it's going so far?
  2. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I just replied on the other thread. Thanks so much for checking on me!! That was really nice of you. And thanks again for the advice!! You sound like a fantastic mom!! I have been reading a lot of your posts and I think you and I are a lot alike, and could be great friends.

    I don't know that I will be around here much any more though. Like I said in another thread somewhere, this place just isn't the same anymore. There are so many groups here that I just don't fit into, even though I have tried. I feel there isn't much support anymore on the FM board, and a lot of the people who I used to be good friends with don't even reply to me anymore here, and I don't know why. That has been very hurtful. I try to offer advice to people here, but I just don't feel like I add much to this forum anymore. I no longer feel like I have a "place" here. Things have changed a lot I think. I do cherish the wonderful friends I have made here though, and I will probably check in to say hi from time to time. I'm just not in a really good mood right now, I guess.

    But thank you again - that is really sweet of you to think about me.
  3. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Oh my....a fantastic mom? Me? Let me check with my kids about that one! :)

    I really wish we could figure out a way to trade e-mail addresses with our friends here. I don't know about you, but know there have been times when I wanted to share something with someone but didn't necessarily want to share it with everyone. It would be nice to have "pen-pals!!"

    Anyway - I am sorry to hear of your thoughts about leaving. I've only been coming here steadily for a few months, so I am not really aware of some of the changes that people have been mentioning. But, I suppose it is like any other group of people.......people leave, and new people come. I guess that could cause problems if the new people (or the "old" people) can't play nice in the sand box. It really puts a damper on things. I have learned to just read those kinds of posts and move on.

    As far as support on the FM board, I agree. I do get some good information over there, but I find that the best support comes from this board. I don't think that you should feel that you have to "add" things over here. We're just here to offer support when we can. There are certainly many posts that I may read, but don't reply to because I don't feel that I have anything useful to offer.

    But I can certainly offer support if that is all that the poster needs. I don't always have any good advice.

    I think this would be a bad week for you to make any decision about leaving. Things are stressful right now for you. Please check in so we can make sure you're hanging in there and haven't locked your kids in a closet or something!! :)
  4. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I just got back in town yesdaerday and have been so busy. Therefore, I haven't had the time to really respond to all the posts that I would have liked to.

    Sorry you are having such a hard week. I know how hard it is to have to take care of 4 children, as I had 5. Yes, most of the time DH was there, except for when he was at work. However, for some reason I did most of the work pertaining to the children and the house to. Yes, it is hard work and I did it even though when they were small I did not have these DD's. I did as they got older though. Have confidence in yourself sweetie . I know you can do it and it shouldn;t and most likely will not be forever. However, just think about the extra money for your family that should be a comfort. I guess I should have postted this to your original post but I got stuck here for some reason.

    Yes, please do not think about leaving just because of some people who may be inconsiderate or thoughtless. Many of us here are ready willing and able to give you the strength to go on . You can vent all you like but just remember you ARE stronger than you think you are.

    I know how iat feels when everyone is finally in bed and you may have some time ( even an hour or two) to yourself to take a hot bath, have a little snack, listen to whatever you want or some computer time uninterrupted, etc. etc. I know it is hard to when you have a baby. You have to try and sneak in some time when they all get to bed. It is harder to I know when you work, so much less time to do what you need to do.

    Yes, as Heavenly said, please check in when you can to let y us know how you are doing and feel free to vent. Heyk that might be an idea, put the kids in the closet for a short time (he, he) !! Don't think I haven;t thought of that one.,

    Hang in there sweetie. You CAN do it !! What time does DH get home from work? Feel happy if he helps with the kids in the bath or shower. I did that myself, even when we finally had a boy, till he got holder and he could it all himself..

    Gotta run for now kiddo, hand in there and do not leave cause some people were inconsiderate. I find this board very helpful and supportive myself.

    Hope to hear from you soon. (((((KJADE)))))

  5. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Ladies, thank you very much for your thoughtful posts. I really appreciate it. I want to reply to BOTH of you, but I have to leave and I don't know when I will be able to get on the computer, so I wanted you to know I read your posts, and i am going to reply as soon as I can. Granni, I am starting to feel like you, with all this running non-stop. LOL.
    Talk to you later!! :)
  6. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    dont leave. I was horrified when i read you might not come back.

    yes, lots of members have stopped posting for a while, but thats probably because
    theyre not feeling like, you know, health issues sometimes flare up, or maybe
    they feel theres not much to write about, things like that.

    I too miss them so much but i guess i understand because even in my real
    life, i have cousins relatives who mail regularly and then suddenly stop cold
    turkey and not because ive done anything but because theyre having health
    issues or somethings come up.

    Anyways, you take care, I know you have your hands full with the DH out
    for the week.

    Do you have any favourites for the American Idol this season? That is if you
    even get the time for it these days with the baby and all, lol. I think Casey
    has a chance and besides he the best looking.

    God Bless
  7. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thanks for the post! Nice to hear from you!
    I know what you mean about others not posting much and why. Some days I can't even think clearly enough to post anything. Or days that I am in too much pain to even type anything. I want to reply more but most days, I am just not up to it.

    Yes I am watching American Idol....it's kind of boring this year. But I do like Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze (sp?) - other than that, the others are kind of blah. I do like Casey - he has a cool voice and I like to watch him perform - I just think he hasn't chosen the right songs.

    Gotta run - take care everyone!
  8. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    I see that you posted earlier. I'm assuming that you (and the kids....and your DH) made it through the week OK. I hope so. How did the birthday party go? Did anyone have to spend any time in the closet?!!

  9. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Heavenly (Jan)....thanks for thinking of me and thanks for asking!! I have LOTS to say. Yes, we did survive all intact. LOL. No kids ever ended up in the closet. (at least not yet...hehe) - but this has been really tough for me, but I guess I am getting used to it.

    The party. Well, I was a raving lunatic beforehand, like I always am. (I TRY, TRY TRY not to be so perfectionistic, and I am getting better, but....still....) My son had his friends over first, which was easy. About 10 boys just running from room to room screaming and playing video games. Then my family came over and stayed late. All in all, it turned out well. The next day (Sunday) was the first Sunday in 8 months that we had absolutely nothing to do - no games, no parties, no running around....so I did exactly that...NOTHING. And it was wonderful!! It's been a long time since I did nothing.

    DH is still working that job....maybe for another 2 weeks!! I am completely exhausted. I literally do not sit down until 10:45 at night (I usually go to bed at 11:00) so I have been staying up until 11:30-12:00 to watch my shows that I recorded. Then I have to get up at 5:00 instead of 5:30 so I can get ready before I get them up and ready to leave. Did I mention they don't listen to me very well? They were on spring break this week, so there was NO HOMEWORK which was wonderful!!! Gave me a little more free time at night.

    I have been in a lot of pain though this past week. Not sure if it's the weather or my stress levels or what. I have so much going on that I don't post about, (work, finances, family problems.....it just doesn't end). I am in need of better pain meds and I have a JERK of a doctor who treats me like I am a drug seeker, when he is the one who wanted me to take the meds in the first place! For the first year after I was dx'ed with FM, I refused to take the things he suggested. I was afraid, and I already knew that meds didnt work very well for me, having been put through the wringer for so many years prior to my dx. He used to yell at me and belittle me and tell me that I was never going to get any better unless I did what HE TOLD ME TO DO. My pain got so bad that I finally agreed to start trying different meds he suggested, and they really started to help.

    When I got pregnant, he basically told me to just stop taking everything and not come back until after the baby was born. I swear, I have been abandoned by every Dr I have ever had. (more on that at another time). So anyway, I started back on 3 different meds after she was born, and I was doing pretty good for awhile. Which made him happy for a change. I was trying to find another Dr at the time cause I just don't like him. He is very condescending and can be downright rude. More often than not, I leave his office in tears. Well, the new Dr wouldn't prescribe my old meds because I already had prescriptions open for them, and the old Dr wouldn't call in my refills unless I came in to see him. The new Dr had prescribed one med, and when I went to my old Dr, he was VERY angry with me for going to another Dr. He told me I was NOT ALLOWED to have more than one rheumatologist!! I felt so beaten and helpless at that point. It was like he was holding my meds over my head to insure that I continued to see him. I think that is when he started thinking I was a drug seeker or something when he found out I was seeing another Dr.

    So I went to my appt last week, and of course, he was useless yet again. He spends my entire appt writing in my chart...he doesn't stop writing. I always think he is not listening to me. I brought up a new symptom that has been really bothering me, (I have been shaking very badly...my hands shake when I get pain in my elbows and I almost feel like my whole body is internally shaking) - he just brushed that off...like he always does. Said it wasn't a "shake" - it was just my body's reaction to the pain. I thought it could be from the Lyrica, but he didn't want to hear what I had to say at all. Then he told me I need to see a psychologist (ok, been there, done that....for the past 20 years of my life, you IDIOT!!!!!) and he said he wants me to try Wellbutrin or Cymbalta. I REFUSE to take any more antidepressants. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, NO THANKS!

    Then he went on to say that I just need to learn to deal with this...that it is what it is. He said "you have had every test there is, and every Dr who has ever treated you comes up with the same dx as I did. you have Fibro, and you just need to learn to deal with that". :/ I asked him if he had any suggestions or could prescribe something that I could just take for breakthrough pain (he has me on a very small dose of Vicodin, which helps, but it doesn't work when I am REALLY in pain). He went on to say that he will NOT prescribe pain medication for ME, because it won't work anyway. He only agreed to increase the dose of Vicodin slightly. I truly felt like he thought I was a drug addict that day. I was afraid to even ask for anything, and that is why...because I knew he would act like that. He is the one who wanted me to be on these meds in the 1st place, and now he is giving me a hard time!!!!

    Ah well Heavenly.....sorry I went on & on and totally strayed off from your question. I just needed to vent, I guess. No one else ever listens to me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have your 4 y/o daughter tell you "I HATE you! And I can't wait until dad comes home!" And to walk into the room, and hear your kids talking about how much they miss their dad and they wish he was here to play with.... I understand now why my mom hated when we went with our dad when we were young. I don't know how single moms handle it.

    DH fixed a door that was broken last week. I was afraid because the door didn't lock properly and my mom laid into him about that. He got all bummed out when he was home last week and told me that I didn't miss him at all, and that I want him around for is to make me feel safe. Does he have any idea how exhausted I am? Oh well......

    Well, thanks again for writing and asking about me...I appreciate it. Have a great day!
  10. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Your doc sounds like a real jerk. He shouldn't even be treating people. I SOOOO know your feelings about being seen as someone who is drug-seeking. I think I already told you that I'm a nurse and I'm very sensitive about asking ANY doctor for pain meds. I saw my PCP today and waited until the very last moment before asking for a new RX for my Percocet. Luckily he is understanding about the pain. Especially since we don't really even know where the pain is coming from. But I think he could tell, by the way I was walking that I was having pain.

    My kidney surgery is next week and the kidney doc had told me that I would be "down and out" for 2-3 weeks. Interestingly, my PCP told me that he's going to keep me out of work until the beginning of June!

    Well, this isn't about me! I'm sorry that your husband has to continue with that job for another 2 weeks. Yes, I'm sure the $$ is good, but it's not all about money - is it? I understand the money issue though. It's hard enough to have money issues when you're healthy, but when you're not feeling well, it just magnifies things so much more.

    Try to treat yourself a little more gently. As long as you've recorded your TV shows, how about watching them over the weekend. Maybe you could try making EVERY Sunday and "do-nothing" day. Don't know your extended family situation, but if you feel like you have to see or do something with them every weekend, maybe try just a phone call. Oh, here I am giving you advice about what to do and I don't even know how to handle my own situation half the time! My husband's family all live out of town, as do my siblings. The only family I have in town are my parents. I feel as though I should be seeing them more often - especially since I'm no longer working - but sometimes all I can manage is a phone call. Yeah, I feel guilty about that, but if I don't take care of myself NOW and work at getting better NOW, I won't be any better for them when they really need me.

    Sounds like your DH is feeling a little "left out" of things. He may be feeling guilty about being gone for such an extended period of time and maybe felt a little embarrassed when your mom said something to him.

    I really wish there was something outstanding I could say to you to help you. I know that "hang in there" just doesn't cut it sometimes.

    Oh, let me get to myself again!!! :) I had a doctor In the mergency room) tell me recently that I had had the "million dollar work-up" and that I was most likely "just having a fibromyalgia flare-up." Well, I ended up in the ER a couple of weeks later and an contrast CT was done. That's when the cyst on my kidney was found. So, the point of me telling you this is.....don't hesitate to seek out yet another opinion. Doctors are not gods, although some seem to think they are.

    When you have time, let us know how things are going.

  11. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Gee, I actually found the reply button again ! I have been doing alot of seaching for it today, in between other tasks.

    Heavenly - good luck with your surgery next week and let us know how it all progresses. I actually got to come back and check this thread again !

    Kjade - Yes, I agree with Heavenly. Your doctor has a major problem and you should be able to find someone else tht isn't so condesending and rude. There is no reason for him to be acting that way towards you. Keep on looking sweetie. If you keep on looking, it may take awhile to find someone else but it will be worth it in the end.

    Glad you survived the week with your DH gone so late and your party and get together. I am sure that the stress he has been under lately was probably under his skin when he made that remard about not missing him. Sorry he needs to take that other job for another few weeks but you have to do what you have to do.

    Just keep on searching and see if you can find another doc. Let your fingers do the walking in the phone book and or on line. Then when you call the doc and speak to the nurse you need to really talk to them and get answers from them on who they will treat and not treat. A friend of mine gave me the name of her rheumy (who was very well known) when I was looking for one. When I called up I found out she was not taking FM patients or any new ones, So, I woud cross that one off my list and went on to the next. You should jot have to put up with that doc's nonsense !

    Just thinking of you sweetie and Heavenly too with her upcoming surgery. Hope this will go with that missing reply button :) !!

    Hugs and blessings to you both,
  12. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    Hi!! Sorry I did not post sooner; just got back from six glorious days in Key West--just me and my hubby, celebrating our birthdays together. We both turned 50 this week!! Since the older two are away at school and the youngest one was on a Sweet 16 cruise for the week, we figured we should take advantage and just go. Kind of a new experience for us; the last time we went away together for that long, and that far was 1988 and I had really big hair--LOL!!

    Anyway, back to you! I would seriously kick that doctor to the curb!! Do you have a good rapor with your gynecologist? Perhaps he/she could recommend a better qualified doctor for you. You really need to find someone that you can TEAM with; someone you really feel is in your corner. I am going to go out on a limb here; maybe you need to find a female rheumatologist, someone who may have more empathy to your juggling motherhood with this illness. I would make finding the right doctor a huge priority. Go on to meetup.com and see if there are fibro groups in your area. Join the group, and ask everybody for the name of their doctor. Also, my rheumy happens to be the head of Rheumatology at a major university here. Perhaps you have a university or medical school nearby; use that for a recommendation. I am 100% certain that once you find a better doctor, you will see a marked improvement.

    One word of warning; all doctors become very leery if they think you may be drug seeking. They come under so much scrutiny, that they have a zero tolerance, even if they may be incorrect in their assumption. I was taken to the emergency room a few years ago for bad abdominal pain (which turned out to be a cyst on my ovary bursting). When the attending physican could not find what was wrong, he turned to me, exasperated, and said "Why don't I just write that Vicodin prescription and get you out of here," to which I replied, "Why don't you just do your job and find out what's causing my pain!" Only then, when I declined the prescription, did he take me seriously. So I do know how insulting it is to be made to feel as if you are a drug seeker.

    I really hope things turn out well for you, and you do find that perfect doctor. It will be a new beginning for you, and will totally change your outlook. Good luck my sweet!

  13. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I'm sorry I took so long to reply - things have been so hectic around here. Husband is still working out of town, and I feel like I am just going to collapse and fall flat on my face. I think my nerves are just permanently frayed. lol But seriously, I must be in a major "flare" (I hate that word) - I am having a really rough time even typing this. I used to type so fast and now my hands just won't work like they used to! :(

    Jan, thanks so much for that helpful advice. I decided I am going to seek treatment elsewhere. I am getting nowhere with my current rheumy. He has this attitude like he thought he was going to "cure" me and because I am "worse" now than ever, he is just frustrated with me, and I could tell he was giving up. At that last visit he basically told me I just need to get used to it, because everything that is wrong is Fibro and "it is what it is". I just don't accept that. I made an appt with my old pain management doc who really understands Fibro and he is very kind and patient. He is young and has young kids too, so he understands somewhat what I am going through.

    That's not the first time a doc "gave up" on me. I wrote a long time ago here about one of my therapists (psychologist) who I was seeing weekly for about 2 yrs. The last time I saw her, was the 1st time that I actually broke down in tears, ever. right while I was talking, she interrupted me and said "do you want to continue with this"? I was like "WHAT"? She totally just gave up on me because I think she felt I wasn't getting any better. These docs and their egos really need to go, I tell you. I pray that I will finally find a better doc who will really want to help me.

    Anyway, thanks again for writing! I haven't had time to read other posts here yet, but I hope your kidney surgery went ok! You sure seem to be going through quite a lot right now, but you still seem so upbeat and happy. I admire your positive attitude. You seem like such a great lady!

    Hi Granni! I have missed you! I am telling you....I don't know how single moms do it. I really don't. All I have been doing is looking forward to the weekend when DH comes home, because I can finally get a break. Last weekend was too crazy and I got no rest, with all of the running around and parties for Easter. It was not relaxing at all!! I keep telling DH that the kids just don't listen to me at all! The 3 older ones just yell at me and talk back to me, and tell me "NO!" when I tell them to do something. They act so different when he is not here. I just don't know how to handle them anymore. :(

    On the other hand, they can be very sweet and helpful. But it is so stressful....especially at night. I don't ever sit down until 10:30. From the second I get home, I am cleaning, picking up constantly, doing homework for what seems like HOURS, breaking up fights, TRYING to discipline them.....they are just wearing me out. My daughter tells me she hates me all the time, and the thing that really hurt me was, my kids spent one night at their grandpa's house and when they were there they made a poster for their dad that said "Welcome Home Dad". They drew pretty pictures all over it. And they wrote words like "brave", "strong", "hero" all over it. That really hurt, because he is their hero and they think the world of him, but me? They treat me like garbage. They don't have any respect for me AT ALL. And it is just draining me emotionally. They are acting up so badly, and I just don't know how to fix it.

    Granni, I have been through so many doctors, like all of us. It really sucks because I just can't go to a lot of Dr appts because I always have to take off so much time from work, and then I have no PTO time left if I need it. It's always used for these stupid Dr appts, that are USUALLY a total waste of my time. I am ready to just give up on conventional Drs and maybe try the alternative route. I don't know. Anyway thanks for checking in Granni!!

    Laura, I was getting worried about you!! I didn't see you here for awhile, and I was getting concerned. I didn't know you were going on vacation!!?? How NICE!! I am so glad you had a great time. And HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!! I am so sorry I missed that! And Happy B-day to your hubby too. Ah...two Aries together? How is that? I have an Aries in my house (2nd son) and he is so sweet and quiet, but he can be so bull-headed!! Most of my co-workers are all turning 50 this year!! 1960 must have been a really popular year to have babies!! lol I know so many people turing 50. I hope your birthday was wonderful!

    Thanks for the great advice about finding a new Dr. You are right....I think I need a female for sure. A lot of these male Drs are just soooooo.....cocky? I don't know if that is the right word, but they have this ego like they are always right, and if you are not better, it is YOUR fault. That is why I think my current doc sort of gave up on me. Reading about your experience at the ER really made me angry. I have read about so many others with Fibro that are treated the same way. It really sucks that we are suffering so much, and we STILL have to deal with crap like that. I really hate this Fibro.

    I am to the point that I think my Fibro is getting MUCH worse. I am shaking constantly from the pain, and I am having more and more trouble doing anything. That really scares me. I know I am getting older (I am 38 now) so naturally things are going to go downhill anyway, but I think the FM is just making this aging process so much worse. This has really made me depressed and very ANGRY>:
    I am to the point that I am DETERMINED to beat this. I don't care what anyone says about there being no cure, and that people with FM never get better. I don't buy it. I am going to be putting all of my effort into looking for ways to beat this. I am so sick of it. And it is slowly ruining me. That is NOT going to happen. I am going to fight this with every last ounce of strength I have left.

    Thanks you guys for writing to me and thinking about me. I do always appreciate it. I have a lot more to say, but just writing this has now made me very tired. :( While trying to do this, 2 of my kids got in this huge fight over a stupid toy, and I tried to intervene and show them how to compromise, but they started screaming at eachother and wouldn't listen to me, and my son told my daughter he hates her and he wants to punch her....I don't know where this all is coming from??? We have NOT been raising our children to behave this way! I don't know if they are acting out because DH has been gone or what. And we don't know how to change their behavior.

    Everyone else in the world thinks my kids are the greatest (their teachers, coaches, other parents, ect....) but they have ZERO respect for their siblings or their parents. I just DON't GET IT!! Luckily DH was here, and he stepped in, and really layed into them - they are now in their rooms crying their eyes out, and DH is yelling at them - we are just both so sick of it!! We are both under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and they are making it so much worse. When I said my nerves are "frayed" I wrote lol after that. But it is really not a joke. I DO feel like the nerves in my body are just completely shutting down or something.

    I need to find some energy and some strength somewhere. He will be gone AGAIN next week. I don't know how much more I can take. Wish me luck!


    I don't normally reply to most posts, but, yours got to me..and so, if you don't mind, I thought I'd put my two cents in...

    I'm so sorry you are going through such a "hellish" time..wish I lived closer to you so I could help..having had 3 children of my own, I know things can get crazy at times..infact, there were days when I thought I needed to go to a padded room!

    Your description of what the children are saying and doing to you makes me think that they truly do not understand your illness and are striking out..however, knowing this doesn't make it any easier for you..but, it's an illness that they cannot see..it's not like having a broken arm that is in a cast that they can see..all they know is that you hurt.."but, why does mommy hurt", and your tired.."but, why is mommy tired"..if adults, friends and relatives, don't understand our diseases, how can we expect our children to understand...from what I gather, they are still very young, and that, alone, compounds the situation. I truly think they are scared..they have no idea what the future holds for them because of this illness...however, having said that, they need to understand that they can no longer treat you in such a manner..there will consequences for their actions..I'm sure that if you asked them, they wouldn't like you or your husband yelling "I hate you" to them..not that you would..they are striking out because they truly don't understand...I can't tell you the number of nights my kids were in bed right after dinner, which may have been a bowl of cereal or a lousy peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because of their bad behavior, and I got over feeling guilty about that REAL QUICK!!....I'm glad your husband stepped in and took them to task and, hopefully, it helped!..

    Is there any chance that your children can stay with friends or relatives, say Friday til Sunday for the next couple of weekends until your husband returns home?..the kids don't necessarily have to be altogether at one place...just a thought..

    And for what it's worth, I think you're a fantastic mom and are doing a terrific job of raising your children while dealing with this disease!

    Now..for this idiot doctor you have..I agree, he needs to be kicked to the curb...I"ll gather up my posse and we'll get him to the curb and we'll let YOU give him the "boot" over the edge!!!

    I have said this for years, I think ALL doctors should walk in our shoes for atleast 24 hours just to see how it feels to have bodies that are in so much pain that we can't function like a normal human beings!!! Perhaps their bedside manner would change..welll..we can always hope!!

    OK, Kiddo, hang in there and don't leave the board..as you have already read, many folks care about you and what's going on in your life.

    Take care..
  15. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to pop in for a minute to say HI and to tell you to hang it there, too (just as JB did). You are a great MOM and a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. However, I do understand your problems, especially when you are feeling so badly and the kids probably sense that and are going to take advantage knowing that their dad is not going to be there. Just be firm but loving and CONSISTENT with whatever punishment you may lay down. I know that is hard when you are by yourself. There is no reason for them to talk to you like that no matter how frustrated and upset they may be and you need to tell them that, even if they are frustrated and upset about their dad being gone temporarily. You are there so they are lashing out at you !

    The kids are probably frustrated, not really understanding your condition (as JB also mentioned, plus taking advanatage when their dad is not there.) They are old enough (except for the baby) that their dad needs to work longer hours to help the family !!

    Just don't let them get away with anything !!! Most kids will take advantage whenever they can, if they think they can get away with it. It is hard enough when adults do not understand our conditions and the way we feel, let along the children. Hopefully, they wlll understand more about your feelings with these DD when they get older.

    I did not read or remember anything about the situation that JB mentioned about your DH taking up for you and punishing or admonishing the children but tht is wonderful if he did. Just remember too that he is probably exhausted when he comes home from work with the extra hours and such.

    My DH says he understand my situation and all our kids are grown and gone but he really doesn't but he does try.

    Yes, and as I said before and others too, you need to get rid of your doc and get another. You are better off not going to any than to be treated like that.

    Well, lots of hugs to you sweetie.

  16. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thanks for your posts....I appreciate your feedback and support, as always.
    JB, of COURSE I don't mind that you posted....I LOVE to hear from everyone if they have any advice for me! Thank you so much for your thoughts and your kind words. I always love hearing from other moms who have been where I am, and knowing they survived. Your wisdom and experience does help a lot, because a lot of times, I feel like I don't know what I am doing, and I feel lost and alone.

    My kids don't know I have FM. They are 10 and under, so I have always felt they were too young to explain or try to get them to understand any of it. They know I go to the Dr alot, but they never really question anything. Also, I always have books about FM laying all over the place, and they have never said anything about them. If they do, I will certainly try my best to explain what is going on. But at this point, I feel they are too young to burden them with all of that. My husband really got tough on them this weekend. A couple of times I stepped in (like when he told them they had to go to their room last night for something very minor) and told him he was being too harsh. I think that is part of the problem. I always feel bad when they get punished, so I let it go. I know this makes them think they can get away with anything. And I do realize that I am part of the problem.

    What's sad is that a lot of the time, I will give in or give them what they want because I just don't have the energy to fight them. When they are crying or carrying on, the noise actually hurts my head or my ears or my body and I can't stand it so I let things go when I know I should be more firm. With my husband's help, I am going to try and start to be a little tougher. These past few weeks have been very hard, but I am learning a lot about myself and how I am as a mother. So in the end, I know this will have all been worth it.

    I had to chuckle when you said you felt like you were going to be put in a padded room at times. I too feel that way quite frequently when I am alone with the kids. I actually become very frightened that I AM going to lose my mind. At one point last week when I had had enough, I actually told them I was just going to leave and not come back. I know that was a TERRIBLE thing to do, and I feel horrible about that. But I had reached my breaking point, and that just came out. I pray that it didn't harm them in any way when I said that. :(
    Thanks for writing to me JB....I really do appreciate your thoughts. Like I think I said, I going back to my pain mgmt Dr tomorrow, and I think I am going to tell him that I would like my primary care for Fibro to be turned over to him, and we'll see where I go from there.

    As always, thanks for offering your support and wisdom. I know with 5 kids you have an idea of what I am going through. You're right - I think the kids are lashing out at me, and I don't know why. My DH is only going away for a few days at a time. I could understand their behavior if we were separating and getting a divorce or something, but we're not. So why are they acting up? Or MAYBE, I THINK they are acting up so much and they are really only acting like they always do....I just notice it more because I am here alone, and hubby usually handles a lot of the disciplining....I don't have him right now to lean on and call him into the room when I can't handle the situation.

    I feel I have painted my kids in a negative light, but they ARE really great kids. They are very well behaved, polite, kind, thoughtful, loving....I could go on & on. But right now they are just being kids, and I think I am just ranting about it because I have become physically and mentally exhausted from being here alone for so long. And your're so right...they know what they can get away with, and they do take advantage of my softness. That is why I need to work on being more firm, and hopefully they will start to take me more seriously.

    It makes me feel sort of like a bad mom that I am complaining and realizing that I need my DH so much to help with the kids. But on the other hand, I feel a little proud that I made it through these past few weeks. It certainly hasn't been easy, but I DID IT. And we're all ok.
  17. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Yes, 10 and under is young but they are old enough to know that their mom has a terrible or rather sneaky syndrome or disease that very few understand which zaps your energy as well as makes you hurt all over.

    You might try mentioning this to at least your older ones and if the younger ones see the older ones trying to understand the situation (at least being sympathetic and trying to be understanding) they will also try to "understand" in their immature way. Oh, I know that they are young and it is hard to think that these young ones will understand esp since sometimes our DH and such find it hard to deal with it. However, on their very young level perhaps some of them can at least start to be told some of your situation. Oh, they may not always act sympathically towards you as an older person would but perhaps at least some of the time. Tell them why you hurt so much sometimes you want to cry. Your older one should understand that - on a really good day !!

    I feel it is at least worth a try. Hope you understand what I am trying to say. No they will not be perfect all the time but maybe it won't hurt to try to explain at least some of this to them

    Well, gotta run for now sweetie. TIME FOR BEDDY BYE AND TO TAKE MY MEDS.



    Please, rest assured, you have not painted your children in a "negative" light..they are kids being kids..and you're a great mom and you have a wonderful husband!!!...and it's ok, Mom, if Dad got a litte tough with the kids the other night..even if it was for something minor..the main thing is did his punishment work?...When moms and dads don't feel well, it's often difficult to get a grip on getting the kids to behave..however, in all honesty, now's the time to do it because as the get older it gets harder....remember, "united we stand, divided we fall"..and I apply that to parents, as well!!

    Kjade...I agee with Granni...I think your children are old enough to know that you have this illness..it might be a relief to them..heaven only knows what thoughts are going around in their little heads..if you do decide to tell them, just keep your answers honest but short.

    LOL..I have to say this...if you think you're kids are giving you a run for your money now...wait til they're teenagers!!!!! My daughter, who is 35 now and expecting our first grandchild, a girl, and I had a conversation along those lines..I told her to just wait..the baby years are great, but, you have NO idea what the teenage years are going to do to you!! We laughed and she apologized for her teenage years, which were horrible, and I said "TOOOOOO LATE..Pay back is a come'n!!!" :) I can hardly wait!!

    Let us know how it went at the doctor..take care...
    PS: is there anyway that I can see all the posts and respond to them in my reply at the sametime? My brain is on "pause" most of the time and I forget who has posted and what has been said..it makes me feel really bad because people must think I don't care about what they said..gads..I don't think that made any sense..oh well, I'll try and reword it another time..goodnight everyone!!

    [This Message was Edited on 04/12/2010]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/12/2010]