After examining the patient, Mr. Smith, the doctor told the worried wife, "no need to hospitalize him. I've checked everything possible, and he isn't really ill at all -- he just thinks he's sick." A week later, the doctor telephoned to see if Mr. Smith was doing better. "How's your husband today?", he asked. "Worse," came the reply. "Now he thinks he's dead." ============================= An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years." - "I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. - "It was easy," the patient replied. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used." ============================ A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. - "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. - "Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney. =============================== A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear." ============================ A man walked into the doctor's office to find out the results of a series of tests that he had undergone. His worst fears were confirmed. "I am afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Karsen. You're going to die in four weeks." The man was distraught. "Doctor, that's terrible. I want a second opinion." "Okay. You're ugly too." ================================= A doctor called his patient and said, "I have some bad news and some very bad news." "Well, why don't we start with the bad news", answered the wary patient. "You have only twenty-four hours to live" replied the doctor. "What!" gasped the patient. "That's the good news! What could possibly be worse than that ?" "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!"