Korny Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Fmandy, May 1, 2007.

  1. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    After examining the patient, Mr. Smith, the doctor told the worried wife, "no need to hospitalize him. I've checked everything possible, and he isn't really ill at all -- he just thinks he's sick."
    A week later, the doctor telephoned to see if Mr. Smith was doing better.
    "How's your husband today?", he asked.
    "Worse," came the reply. "Now he thinks he's dead."
    An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
    The doctor said, "We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years."
    - "I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
    After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.
    - "It was easy," the patient replied. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

    A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.
    The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
    - "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
    - "Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney.

    A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
    "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
    The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
    The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

    A man walked into the doctor's office to find out the results of a series of tests that he had undergone. His worst fears were confirmed.
    "I am afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Karsen. You're going to die in four weeks."
    The man was distraught. "Doctor, that's terrible. I want a second opinion."
    "Okay. You're ugly too."

    A doctor called his patient and said, "I have some bad news and some very bad news."
    "Well, why don't we start with the bad news", answered the wary patient.
    "You have only twenty-four hours to live" replied the doctor.
    "What!" gasped the patient. "That's the good news! What could possibly be worse than that ?"
    "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!"
  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Thanks for the Funnys! some of them are probably true!
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Great jokes; nice pic.

    Did you see my earlier post re: Mark Twain? There is a "new" book out by him on Tom and Huck. Twain started it and then quit for some reason.

    Over a century later a guy named Lee Nelson finished it:

    Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer Among the Indians.

    This sick old man enjoyed it, so maybe you will too. Haha
  4. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    Just happened to see if I got any bites :)

    Linda, I am so happy to have helped drag a laugh from ya :)
    I agree about the CFS/FM boards, even though I love them all dearly. There is just a lot of suffering going on, isn't it?

    I do want to camp out here for awhile, lol.
    Thanks fer de compliment on my ole pic. That my dear I believe is a peony. Lovely name-eh? Ha ha ha. It do fever a gardadenenea...Hugs

    Hello Sis! Yes some of the jokes are probably true, especially the ones involving the attorneys...Hugs again :)

    Hello Mr. Rock :) I hear you have been off line for a spell. We shore did miss you. You are our legal prophylactic you know...Ha ha ha. That was pretty mean or not...

    I have got to get that book you mentioned! "Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer Among the Indians". I didn't see your post re: MT, but will find it...I hope that tug on my leg is from FM and not you :) Nah, I believe you. It is amazing though. I immediately thought about all of the legalities and the descendent's of M. Twain negotiating the deal. Lawd a mercy...

    Thanks for my pic comp. I liked it meself but don't tell anyone. Hey, do you know how to tell if a lawyer is well hung? Verify the noose is positively tight....Hugs again...

    Y'all, I have studied FM all day long. When I first became sick, I think my symptoms were more from the CFS I believe. Now, for whatever reason I think all of my symptoms now are due to FM. How could that be? B-12 shots, every supplement under the sun, and I don't know.

    I ran over a guy named Mark London today. Y'all may know him...I don't know his credentials/qualifications, but his email addy has MIT in it, lol.

    This guy has FM himself. I got more insight into FM today than I ever have. It is starting to make sense if that is possible. This fellow has FM by the tail I believe. I have much more of his research to read.

    Well, I gotta go and mow part of the yard or make hay! Thanks so much for the replies.

    Y'all be well and most of all happy,

  5. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    You are just as sweet as puddin. I don't care if your husband is a cop.....Ha ha ha.

    Don't ever worry about pooping on a thread of mine. Just knock yourself out, lol.

    Is your rheumy one of the 3 wise men? I can't wait for this crap to end....Is it like cutting teeth reckon? If so you have surely cut your share! "Fibromyalgia does go away eventually". Let me guess....That's right before they embalm you? Ha ha ha.

    You have the best pic I have yet to see in a bio. Really! I love the northeast...Someone a while back considered Kentucky in the Midwest. They must have went to school in Tennessee. Ha ha ha.

    I spent the summer with my brother in El Paso Tx. in 1967. We drove to White Sands Missile Range. He was in the Army. I was 15. Yada yada, pretty sand...

    I love to clown around but people around here, and that would be my wife, have heard all of my best material :(
    35 years of marriage will, well it just will :)

    Honk if you're lonesome,