Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by elsa, Mar 19, 2006.
Hope you are doing OK .....
Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, but I'm glad you checked in.
I understand the empty feeling one has after a love is no longer part of the whole. It hurts and it's tough to get back on level ground. It will happen though.
Take it one step at a time .... I am hopeful that when you are feeling better you might see things from another angle.
Maybe she was the one that didn't do her equal part of the relationship. It is easy to lay that one on the physially drained partner ... however, there is so much more giving and contributing to a relationship then physically going out the door ...
I have a feeling you gave with your whole heart .... contributing to a relationship doesn't get any stronger then that.
I am also hopeful that maybe you will start seeing yourself again as the dynamic, sensitive and intelligent individual that you are ..... and most definately worth a great, loving relationship with a lady who has alot of layers to her .... not just what's on the surface.
Although she is the one who walked, I'm thinking it was you who was the better "catch" .... Maybe when it doesn't hurt so much you might see that she wasn't as wonderfully understanding as you feel she was ....
I'd hate for you to attribute to her the "gold standard" and think if it couldn't work with her there's no way anyone else could make it work or understand what life with CFS/FMS really means....
See, I'm thinking that you haven't met the "gold standard" yet .... So, don't throw in the towel .... just take a breather for a bit. The next one you see could be the one who has been intended for you all along.
Hang in there .... I just was thinking about you.Once upon a time I remember Sundays being kinda rough to take when nursing a bruised heart ... I wanted to let you know that someone was thinking about you.
Talk soon ..............
I am so happy to read your thoughts .... I was hoping you might come to see that her compassion was limited to her idea of how things should work. Things not going according to her plan = little compassion.
In reading your last post I got the impression she may be young ... or at least young emotionally.
I had a burning desire to not miss the bar, party, go, go go scene ..... however I was college age at the time. It was more about my enjoying my idea of a fun life and seeing / being seen. It was especially important that my love at the time be escorting me to these functions.
I wasn't remotely mature enough or comfortable enough in my own skin to support a love interest and attend, from time to time, functions on my own.
I think maybe one day she might grow into the person you believed her to be ... or she may be forever stuck in the "all about me" stage. Who knows?
It will be another man that has to find it out though. Which, when you are feeling stronger, you may find yourself rejoicing your narrow escape.
I think your brother is a great minded individual ... and it has nothing to do with the fact that he is agreeing with me,lol! I'm glad ya'll are close enough that he can help you through this.
Take care, take the time you need ... make you a voodoo doll and get you some pins ... have a "throwing out the trash" ceremony, howl at the moon for a month straight ....
When you are feeling better, go get your version of Dana Reeves. She's out there waiting on you.
I don't suppose you would mind filling out a bit of your profile?! ....
My husband suggested the "throwing out the trash" thing ... I have held such ceremonies in the past of course ... just didn't have a catchy name to attach to it,lol.
No need to reply if not feeling up to it ....
She seemed to be a bit on the young side. Adding a sheltered existence to that would be tough under any circumstances.
A long time ago I heard a very close male friend complain about his girlfriend at the time saying he needed a partner and that he "didn't take her to raise". After reading your last post, I was reminded of that long ago conversation .... Seems those words can have a ring of truth in them.
He also had the same stuggles we all do when a relationship ends .... It hurt. Even though he wanted out, it still hurt. He wouldn't have gotten in the relationship in the first place had he not cared for and eventually had come to love her. It seems very similar to what you are going through.
He is doing well these days and did find his soul mate. I believe they are there for everyone .... Finding them may not happen as quickly as we would like but they are there and we do find them ..... Soooo hang in there.
At the real risk of sounding trite ... here it goes ... this too shall pass. There, I said it ... and I'm still here,lol! That's a good sign.
There are degrees or levels of healing ... You may find yourself rejoicing ... or maybe happy but pensive .. or even happy with your life but regretful for the way things worked out in the end with her. All of those are ok, the key word each time is "happy".
There is the first love of my life that just destroyed me like only first loves can. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't 15 years old but 22 .... alittle older then the usual first love crash and burn. Lord have mercy, I thought I would never stop hurting.
Eventually I did ... I am with the one I was meant for now ... but that last "healing" falls under the "happy, but regretful.." level.
I regret that due to the way in which HE chose to end things I may just have to regretfully run him over with my car if ever he crosses the street right in front of me. See. I'm happy!! Just regretful, ... kinda ... or I will be for certain if he ever does cross that street!
Hope I made you laugh my friend! True stories one and all. I will be making it an early day tomorrow with a 5AM wake up .... for about a 14 hour workday. Whew .... without remission I would not be moving on wed, thurs, or possibly even friday. As it is, I will be working a contract on Wed. as well .... just not as long.
Hang in there ... eat up some "feel good choc." ... oh wait, that's for chicks only. Never mind, you can't have any. Go chew on some rusty nails or something 'til you get her out of your system!
I'll talk to ya soon .... don't worry about the profile. I understand completely .... you "guy" you,lol
[This Message was Edited on 03/20/2006]
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