Laziness? Apathy? Ennui? What is it?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MsE, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I can't find the right word: laziness, apathy, and ennui don't quite fit. It doesn't feel like depression. I see things that need to be done and even on "good" days, I can't get my motor to rev up enough to do them. It's almost like there is a disconnect between idea and action.

    What about this? Anyone know?
  2. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I was just gonna post the VERY same question! I catch myself not getting stuff done, and I have been like this for a LONG time. I am not sure if something happen to our brains that makes us this way? I wonder if someone might have an answer.

    I am glad (and sad) to know I'm not alone in this. It makes me feel guilty, and I ask myself too what's going on and wonder if it's pure laziness. Somewhere deep inside I think it's something else.

    For ex. I have intended for the past 6-8 weeks to go get my labs (copies), but catch myself in the evening with it undone-again! I want to get them, I have the intention, but somehow it slipps away?
  3. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

    I have to really force myself to do things sometimes.

    And I sure know what you mean about the "guilt trip"!!!!

    Seems not a day goes by that I do not feel guilty about something I've left undone!

    If my hubby is outta town, I find that I do as little as possible.

    Just tired and feel fatigued all the time! I find that I can't wait to get off my feet and sit or lay down

    I know that it is hard to get motivated to do things... and I never used to be like that!

    I am sure there are many more here that are in the same boat!

    Blessings... CarolK
  4. intensemom

    intensemom New Member

    Sometimes I just feel so disorganized...like I'm running in circles...but can't accomplish anything.

    And other times I seem to work so SLOW...it takes me double the time it used to to get my housework done!!

    I've had brainfog for the last couple of days and it has been very hard.

    I haven't been able to find anything that will really help this!

    Tracy
  5. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    We are so much alike thank God for you folks, it helps so much to know that I am not alone in this battle!! I do the same exact thing, except I used to be able to motivate myself every now and then to bust butt and get some stuff done during the day now I let it go for days...I look at it everyday and think about how much needs to be done and how much I would like to do but just can't. I used to think I had ADD because I would do the same, go in circles not being able to think clearly enough about where to put things. Everything in it's place, but I don't know where that place is!

    ((HUGS))!!
    Kelly
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    It's 6:30 AM and here I am, checking my mail, and feeling relieved that you guys wrote to tell me I'm not alone. How strange that I am quite able to get my rear into this office to see what my friends on this board had to say, but projects I've needed to attend to for months just sit and wait for me to get moving.

    It's the physical stuff that throws me into the bog. Deep cleaning the house, pulling weeds, getting out the paint brushes and rollers and finishing the painting I started last November. (That's a big one.) Some sedentary tasks get done, but not very many of the physical ones.

    I don't even do some of the sedentary things I want to do. The days are going by, my life is going by, and it's all such a waste. Yesterday, after discussing our family situations and the stress "stuff" can add to one's life, one of my friends asked, "What do you do for yourself?" All I could say was "Read and write." I felt so chagrined and embarrassed. She is healthy! She rides horses! She gardens and helps her husband put up fences on their property! She rides her bike on the Discovery Trail! I read mystery stories and write messages on the computer.

    I want to get out the paint and brushes and finish painting the walls. I'm only seventy-one and I want my life back before I die. Thank you for understanding.
  7. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    you have two threads running on this, I replied to last one too. :-D

    I know exactly what you mean, people are always asking me what 'I do' - duh!!! I had a meaningful life once upon a time and now it's checking my emails, coming on the board, a very occassional outing!!

    Can't plan ahead or if I do, I have to make clear that I might not 'make it'.

    Never mind, the sun is shining today in Scotland, I've been sitting in the garden more than usual due to the nice weather.

    love
    Rosie

  8. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I accidentally hit the "post" button twice when I started this thread. Therefore, some of you (Jana 1, Shootingstar, and others) answered on the other thread, the one a bit below this one. I left a message directing you to this one and I'm hoping you saw it and know I'm not ignoring your kind replies.
  9. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Good! You noticed my goof!

    I'm glad you mentioned the inability to plan ahead. That really bothers me. For instance, one day when I was feeling fairly good, I thought about going to my oldest daughter's house for a visit. It's about a two-hour drive from here. She was delighted when I mentioned it. That was last week. However, I can't commit to going after all because right now so many parts of me are not working well.

    Also, my youngest daughter, who also lives out of town, needs baby-sitting help with my active five-year-old grandson. I can't manage the trip, and I can't manage caring for the little boy for more than an hour or two at a time or I'm flat on my back for days afterwards. This makes me feel terribly insignificant. The other grandma can play active games with him outdoors. I'm downright jealous!

    Sometimes I go ahead and make plans to pay one of my kids a visit, and then I have to cancel. That is followed by those thoughts like, "I wonder if I tried harder if I could manage to go?" and "Maybe I need to just do it anyway and just live with the consequences."

    I'm trying to learn to keep my mouth shut--not to commit to anything without adding an escape clause. I'm so sick of living like this!

    Edited to add this postscript: You live in Scotland? I visited Scotland in 1997, right before I got really sick. I absolutely loved it. My maternal grandmother's family is from Scotland.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/05/2006]
  10. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I think I might be Bi-Polar, split personality,lol

    I either sit on my couch with my laptop and accomplish nothing or I go totally mad and work until I can't move.

    I have been working on pacing. But it's hard. I bought my laptop for Christmas and I spend SOOOOOOOOOOO much more time on it than I do anything else.

    If I'm sitting, it is on my lap. Everything else just has to wait.

    The last month has been a busy one for me and this week I had from Wed-Tues with not on single thing to do other than stay home. I planned on painting one of the rooms I have worked on for months, drywall mud, etc. It's Sat now and nothing done.

    I just don't have the energy to get up. Plus I hurt my hand in a cat fight and it is still swollen and hurts when I move it a certain way or use it to pick something up.

    I hope you feel well enough to get your painting done soon.
  11. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I just can't seem to get anything done.

    I am feeling hardly any pain and emotionally better since being on the effexor and for a while I was getting stuff done.

    Lately, I am so disorganized, behind and just wanting to sit in bed and watch tv or do puzzles.

    I had a plan for today to clean up all my paperwork and get it organized in one spot so that I don't feel like I have work EVERYWHERE. Yet here I sit on my bed on the computer with the shopping channel in the background.

    Went outside and trimmed a few weeds and now I'm pooped.

    Maybe it is a combination of the weather and the DD?

    Thanks for the thread, now I don't feel so guilty.

    Sue in Ontario
  12. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Again, I apologize for accidentally starting two issues of the same thread. I'm trying to get to both, and if I paste a note on my computer, I won't do it again. :)

    I have good news, as I said on my other thread. I actually cleaned the kitchen and one of the bathroom floors this morning! Whoopee! Perhaps it was venting to you guys that got me moving. Suppose? An adrenaline spurt caused by releasing anger and tension? A bit of depression added to the usual crud that I wasn't acknowledging? Hmmmmm. I'll have to think about this. :)
  13. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Two small floors cleaned, a small load of laundry done, a meat loaf made--I'm pooped and I'm through for the day.
  14. sascha

    sascha Member

    and it's experience.

    i resist doing laundry, and i was questioning myself about laziness (the 'what is wrong with me' syndrome), but i noticed i ached all over when i went to do it, and i was deeply exhausted afterwards- had to recover. so of course!!! i wouldn't want to go do it.

    to blame ourselves is to add insult to injury. i am trying not to add blame to my mix.

    recently i tried oh so hard to keep up with my very ill aunt's needs, and it put me into a terrible crash zone. it was such a long hard process to convince others, but mainly myself, that it isn't possible to take on helping her. my obvious crashes demonstrated my true condition to others. but i still am having big trouble coming to terms with this myself and making my needs and capabilities clear to others.

    sascha
  15. MsE

    MsE New Member

    In response to the last three posts: I do understand about learned helplessness. The term is a bit misleading, I think, as you suggested; however, there is truth in the idea that we are tempted to give up. I don't think we really do that, not permanently, but I know that at times I feel so overwhelmed that I just don't give a rip any more.

    Self-preservation: I think your post to me suggests that perhaps our bodies know more than we realize they do and that listening to them is wisdom, not laziness. I tend to agree with this, at least intellectually, but I am plagued with self-doubts. When it seems like too dratted much work and bother to tackle the weeds, is that really self-preservation or is it "learned helplessness" or apathy?

    Finally, I agree that I must learn to be satisfied with accomplishing something, even if it doesn't seem like much, instead of berating myself because I can't do what I used to do or what I want to do. But it's hard, isn't it? It seems worse now that I am as old as I am because there just aren't that many years left and I'm not getting to do very many of the things I want to do. The bad part is that to some extent, I just don't care any more. No, that's not really true. Or is it? I'm not sure.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/05/2006]
  16. springrose22

    springrose22 New Member

    Please don't use that term, it is too self deprecating... I have learned self preservation, that's why I don't worry about weeds, and other small things in life anymore. I use the bit of energy I do have to just enjoy being alive, and other very simple things... Take care, all. Marie
  17. IEMom

    IEMom New Member

    I think I relate to every post...I've been experiencing this very feeling lately, then I happened to get very sick this week.

    I've been thinking that this happens to me quite a bit. I get this lazy, apathetic feeling and feel so guilty about not getting anything around the house done. Then sometimes I will get quite ill.

    This time it is a very bad case of the stomach flu. It has been 7 days and I'm still feeling terrible.

    Is there a connection?
  18. KelB

    KelB New Member

    Perhaps thinking that you have to get everything done in your good days, is putting you off and overwhelming you, MsE?

    It's like eating an elephant (go with me on this!).

    If you pick up a knife and fork and look at an elephant, you'll think "Wow! I could never eat this elephant!" and you'll give up and walk away. But if you chop the elephant up into little bits and eat elephant for dinner each day, you'll slowly eat the elephant over a couple of years and it won't even be an effort.

    Er, OK, maybe it sounds better if you say it rather than read it, but you get the idea!

    Instead if thinking "I have to clean the house today because I feel good", think "I'll do some washing up in the next 15 minutes". That way you're more likely to achieve a little thing and feel good instead, of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Then next you can say "I'm going to tidy the TV corner in the next 15 minutes".

    Might be worth a try if you feel you can, MsE?

    Everything is babysteps with these illnesses.
  19. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    are you sure the weakness, the sickness isnt causing the negative feelings instead of the other way round??
  20. MsE

    MsE New Member

    The more I think about it, the more I agree that the term "learned helplessness" is not accurate and seems to play into the unread public's belief that these dd's are all in our heads. I sure don't want to do that. But I do understand where the person who first posted the term on this board was coming from.

    I have cataracts and glaucoma and I spent too much time on the computer yesterday and my eyes burn, so I'm going to have to take a break today. Much thanks to all of you for your input. I'll be back! MsE