let's just laugh.....no offense to ANYONE!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lynncats, May 24, 2009.

  1. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I actually kept my mammogram appointment.

    I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!'

    This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,

    tilted her head to one side and crooned,

    'All I need you to do is step into this room right here,

    strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.

    Everything clear?'

    I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf.

    This ain't rocket science.'

    Belinda skipped away

    to prepare the chamber of horrors.

    With the right side finished,

    Belinda flipped me
    (literally) to the left and said,

    'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes

    and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

    'Fine', I answered.

    I was freezing, bruised, and out of air,

    so why not use the remaining circulation

    in my legs and neck and finish me off?

    My body was in a holding pattern

    that defied gravity
    (with my other breast wedged between

    those two 4 inch pieces of square glass)

    when we heard, then felt a zap!

    Complete darkness and the power went off!

    'Oh, maintenance is working.

    Bet they hit a snag.'

    Belinda headed for the door.

    'Excuse me!

    You're not leaving me

    in this vise alone are you?'

    I shouted.

    Belinda kept going and said,

    'Oh, you fussy puppy...

    the door's wide open

    so you'll have the emergency hall lights.

    I'll be right back.

    Before I could shout 'NOOOO!'

    she disappeared.

    And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl,

    maintenance men Extraordinaire,

    found me,

    half-naked and part of me

    dangling from the Jaws of Life,

    and the other part smashed between glass!

    After exchanging polite

    'Hi, how's it going' type greetings,

    Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked,

    to my utter disbelief,

    if I knew the power was off.

    Trying to disguise my hysteria,

    I replied with as much calmness as possible,

    'Uh, yes, yes I did, thanks.'

    'You bet, take care'

    Bubba replied and waved good-bye

    as though I'd been standing in the line

    at the grocery store.

    Two hours later,

    Belinda breezes in

    wearing a sheepish grin.

    Making no attempt to suppress her amusement,

    she said, 'Oh I am so-o-o sorry!'

    The power came back on

    and I totally forgot about you!

    And silly me,

    I went to lunch.

    Are we upset?'

    And that,

    Your Honor,

    is exactly how

    her head ended up

    between the clamps....
  2. GranmaBB

    GranmaBB New Member

    I can relate.
  3. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    .....but, oh my gosh - yikes!! : )
  4. spacee

    spacee Member

  5. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I needed the laugh too.

    It's got me wondering just how many pain
    pill's I should take when I go for my mammogram this summer. eek! smile
  6. jmq

    jmq New Member

    That is so aweful ...that I could not stop laughing at the horror of it all. I would have gone

    straight to some hospital administrator with my bruised breast and crooked back and raged

    eyes....and tell them to expect a letter from my attorney! ....and then I would tell them the

    perky lady might need some help getting out of the jaws of life in the mamagram room. LOL
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Ah wouldn't really know. Bein' a man an all. But Ah was wonderin'. That thar
    medical lingo being kinda tricky...

    Would a mammogram be the same as a cramogram?

    Yur friend

  8. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I'm so glad everyone got a good chuckle out of that! I thought it was toooo funny!!

    Take Care All!!!

    P.S. Rockgor, I noticed on the "depression board" that you mentioned an "emotions anonymous". How would one go about finding one in their area? Also, about the B12 Patch, I think that is what you called it, does a dr. prescribe that?
    I believe you read the post I had, regarding my son, and this depression is kicking my **s. Would love to bring it up to my doctor. Thank you so much!!!

    Have a good day!!

  9. Pippi1313

    Pippi1313 New Member

    How awful for you! And how inspired of you to make us all laugh!

    Your description makes me think Little Miss Perky is probably accustomed to adding: "Would you like fries with that?"!!!

    PS: You should be a humor writer! Your telling of the tale was RICH![This Message was Edited on 05/25/2009]
  10. mum22

    mum22 New Member

    you have just made my day.

    I have had a really rotten day and you have just brightened it up I am sore laughing


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