Letter re Feminine Products lol

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Greenbean7, Oct 26, 2007.

  1. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    You will LOVE this.
    This is an actual letter sent to an American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph...

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you f***ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have Chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
    condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.


    Wendi Aarons, Austin , TX
  2. ckball

    ckball New Member

    How ya doing? I got this the other day and about laughed my self silly. Thankfully I don't use these products anymore so I did not know about the "have a happy period"

    It had to be a man that came up with that one! Carla
  3. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    This isn't a problem for me anymore either. I have seen their commercials though that use that slogan. Makes you want to choke someone!

    "You know you have PMS when you go to the store for chocolate and hollow point bullets!"

  4. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    link to Wendy's actual blog on this!


    I'm going to have to read some more and see what else she has to say. What a sense of humor!

    Best wishes,
  5. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    I had used Always since they came out. This year, I started using reusable, cloth sanitary napkins at home. I always wondered why Always would make me so sweaty and chafe. Other brands, such as Kotex don't do that. You ever notice how Always has the most Sunday paper coupons? Guess that's a clue also. Yes, Always protects against leaks the best because of all of the toxic materials that go into their absorbency.
  6. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    Molly was told by a nationally recognised gyno at Univ of Mich about the Always brand causing problems for women. Her specialty is vulvar problems and she told both of us (I was with Molly at her appt) NEVER to use Always products. That sounds funny, never use always. LOL.

  7. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Since I've suffered the indigities so I didn't know about the messages either, but wow.....what a letter.

    Thanks for the laughs!!!!!!


    Nancy B
  8. Sbilek

    Sbilek New Member


    Your posting literally had me rolling on the floor with laughter.

    On the serious side, I also have vulvodynia, and do use Always Pads, have to use pads on a daily basis. May have to think about switching brands, after info posted here.

    I get along better though, if I take the plastic strips off and let them air out a few days before wearing them.