Life getting harder to participate in....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Quequay, Jan 8, 2003.

  1. Quequay

    Quequay New Member

    Yesterday was a so-so day, my muscles only hurt if touched which was better then the day before when they hurt all the time. Last night I went to the store, my husband drove so I wouldn't have to. We just got a few things, not much, and the store is like 2 minutes away. Well starting when I got home and continuing today I feel like I was run-over, dropped off a cliff and sun burned.

    I was reconsidering my claim for disability yesterday cause I thought maybe I was being quick to judge but today I wish I was put out of my misery.

    I get wierd sometimes, I don't know if anyone else does, but sometimes I wish it was a fatal condition because I would know that the pain would end at somepoint. I was so happy yesterday, I was able to paint and hadn't been able in weeks. I sell my paintings on Ebay to try to bring in some type of income. I get so depressed when something so fun to do I can't cause of the pain.

    Just venting my frustrations,
    Thanks for listening.
    --Kristen
  2. 1maqt

    1maqt New Member

    I'm sorry, but your discription ofhow you felt made me laugh, I han't heard it so aptly phrased. You haave a delightful sense of humor.

    Go for the disability. It will take up to a year or two before you get benifits. Keep the ball rolling. If you get well, then you can let it go, but untill then, I'd go for it.

    I too have too gone out and got washed out by very little. Goes with the territory I guess.Sorry to hear you had such a bad time..........1maqt
  3. marcus1243

    marcus1243 New Member

    "run-over, dropped off a cliff and sun burned."

    That just made me howl! Perfect!

    Kristen, you might be feeling crap but you sure brightened my day! :)

    --marcus
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    This is a very common thing with us. It's not that we are planning to commit suicide; it's just that we get soooooo sick and tired of being sick and tired that we wish we were dead. It's normal for us to feel this way.

    We do need to find a way to stay connected with life, though. It's really important. That's why I think this board is of such value. It allows us to connect with the only other people who know how we feel. Hang in there, rest when you need to, and venture out when you can.

    Love, Mikie
  5. Quequay

    Quequay New Member

    I try to keep my humor going and I am glad I can make some smiles!!

    Every smile counts!

    Take care,
    Kristen
  6. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I emailed the leader of the online classes I have taken to help me learn to live with my illnesses, CFS and FM. One thing I mentioned was that I now realize that the original rating I made of my condition on starting the first class a year ago was too high. He wrote back that it is very common among us to do that.

    I think we think of our best days and go from there. Instead we are beter off thinking of our worst days. When you are working on the seemingly endless pile of papers you will receive from SS keep this in mind. You want to give them the worst case scenario. Even though we try to put up a good front for others, this is the time to tell it like it is, on your very worst days!!!

    I agree that you have made the right decision in filing for disability. Unfortunately our best days don't come along nearly as often as we would like. Good luck to you!

    Barbara
  7. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I also feel sometimes that it would be such a relief to know it will end, it is really hard for my hubby to swallow when I feel that way, others do not understand, it is no wonder so many with this dd commit suicide. I would not even consider it at this point but I swear if I get to a point where I cannot do anything and I am just a waste of space I would seriously consider sleeping pills as an option. It is strange I know to feel this way but it is what it is.

    I have been on Neurontin now for about a month or so and I really think it has helped with the feelings of being worthless. I do definitely feel it has helped with pain also so I really do think the neurontin is essential for me. I take 300 mg 3 x a day, am, 1 pm or so and eve.

    Jaci
  8. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I just told my hubby the other day that I wish I had something else, something that would wind up killing me. With this dd it's an on going curse. There's no light at the end of the tunnel with this dd. I feel like a waste of space. I feel worthless and useless. But then I look at my kids and see how much they love me and even though I'm not the same person I was just a year ago they still need me. It's hard enough for them to know that mom is sick, I couldn't imagine how they will feel if mom had something terminal. My kids, no matter what they think, need me. I am the only mom they have and the only one with that mommy touch! Sometimes, even with my teens, they need time alone with me. They need a gentle touch or someone to talk to. That's the only thing that keeps me going. They keep me striving to do what I am capable of doing.

    As far as disability, my husband is wanting me to apply for it. I don't want to. I'm not ready to say I'm disabled. He says that I am. He said that he sees how I am day in and day out. I just got diagnosed with fm in August 2002. I'm still learning about this dd. I have really gone down hill since last year at this time. I'm hoping with educating myself, working with my dr., that I'll be able to cope with this dd. There has to be something I am able to do. My job was just to physical for me. ( I cleaned houses) I know a lot of people have to go on disability but I don't feel like I need to right now. There has to be a way I can help my family with out disability. No offense to anyone, PLEASE don't take it this way. I'm just not ready to face the fact that I can't work. Please don't take what I'm saying the wrong way. I just feel that my hubby wants me to give up. I know we are hurting financially but hopefully with the Lord's help and guidance I will be able to find something to do to help supplement my income.
  9. Bernadine

    Bernadine New Member

    I am fairly new here but have been in pain almost all my life from FM and several other painful problems. When I read your problems and pains you made me remember when I was younger and started feeling like you do about wishing FM was fatal and had an ending to it..I really felt a close bond to you...I also have a daughter by the name of Kristen, she is also a beautiful blonde like you. I surely don't have the answers for any of us but you must not give up...even with the pain, there are many wonderful and happy days ahead for you. Your boys and husband love you and they don't want to loose you..just keep in mind, doctors are just beginning to take us seriously and there will be relief for us all someday. Having to change an 'A' personality to a 'B' personality is a long and hard thing to do but you must accept that we will never be the 'physical' person we once were but that is not an 'end'for us but a new beginning we can learn to slow down...put our energy into many interesting projects like reading to children, etc. Go for the SSI too...that will keep your mind busy for a couple of years!!
    Chronic Pain is a disability...ask yourself if you could work a full 40 hrs a week and be able to function...if the answer is NO then you should apply for disability and soon! I wish you the best.