Life In The Sick Lane......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by catgal, Jun 30, 2003.

  1. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hello Everyone~~This past week I had Food Poisoning, FM/CFS Flares, and Man Troubles.

    After work one day this week, I stopped by the Trading Post and got me and my angry/depressed man two delicious deli sandwiches. I've been getting sandwiches there for the past 16 years with no problem. Good Place.

    My Man has recently become depressed, stressed out, grumpy, and to put it mildly--not good company. He is a teacher, never plans well financially for the summer, and has developed a gambling problem--which is really his biggest problem through he is in denial about it. In short, he has no money to pay his personal bills, help with the household bills, gas money, spending money, get-by money. Plus, he has some bounced checks that he cannot pay and doesn't know what he's going to do. I only work 3 days a week, and it takes every penny I've got to pay my personal bills, plus all the household bills, living expenses, food, medical expenses & meds, and other necessities. Plus digging up money to give him for gas. His gambling addiction has cost him a great deal of financial problems plus is the reason for all his bounced checks.

    I ate the deli sandwhich Friday night, and woke up in the wee hours Saturday morning feeling like I was dying. I burning up with fever, a chilled sweat pouring off me, my solar plexas and stomach feeling like they were boiling, gurgling, stomach muscles constricting, extreme back pain, and I felt like a flood of sour stomach contents needed to come out of me one way or the other. But nothing would move. The pain got worse & worse, and I felt so sick I didn't see how anybody could feel so sick and still be alive. I grew more & more miserable until Saturday evening when I began to throw up violently. It came out with such a strong force it went everywhere. These violent vomiting spells continued way on into the wee hours of the next morning. I was terribly weak; felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach & back by wild horse; my FM, arthritis, back problems (DDD), and respiratory problems went into flares, and my stomach was constricting/pulsating so rapidly it looked as though I had just ran a marathon. I was so ill I had turned green.

    After hours of violent vomiting, I was so weak, sick, burning hot, and dizzy with blurred vision, I just layed by the tolit rubbing a wet, cold washcloth all over my body as the sweat poured off me. Then, the next spell of hard vomiting came, and it shook me so badly that the two top tolit lids came banging down on my head and must have temporarily knocked me out because I woke up choking on my own vomit (sorry this is so gross).

    In the meantime as the hours painfully ticked away, I was unable to keep my back meds down (oxycontin & percocet) which I have taken 3x's a day for 3 years. Not only was my back red hot, in spasm, and killing me--but because I could not keep the oxy or percocet down--I had started going through withdrawals.

    My man was asleep while alot of this was going on, and then when was awake--he was so full of his own worries & troubles that he just couldn't handle any more of my sickness. However, he did do some household chores, ran some errands, got me some 7-Up & Saltine Crackers, and asked if there was anything he could fix for me to eat. And, after the tolit lids hit me on the head--he did lay me down in his bed and rubbed my aching back for a while.

    I was getting sicker & sicker, my fever rising, my face color greener, I was very dehydrated,and the withdrawals were becoming horrendous. My whole body felt as though it were on fire. I knew if I didn't get some IV meds & fluids in me soon--I'd be in serious trouble.

    I ended up in the hospital and got released yesterday. My solar plexas & stomach are extremely sore; I can only sip a little 7-Up and eat small bits of Saltine crackers; my back & stomach both feel as though a herd of elephants trampled over me; my facial color is still a bit greenish, everything is in Flare, and I feel so weak and sick. Yet, I HAVE to go to work tomorrow--for since I am part-time, if I don't work--I don't get paid....and my paycheck is the only thing keeping food in the house, gas in our cars, and the lights on. I can not afford to miss any more work right now.

    So, if anyone has any suggestions on anything I can do or take to help get me back on my feet by tomorrow morning--PLEASE respond.

    My man is taking summer classes in a city 3 hours away to finish up his school counselor credits, but he announced before he left (and after I gave him money for gas & lunch) that he was fed up with the school renigging on the money he thought he was going to get to help him through the summer, and that he was looking for other jobs in other states--and that he wanted me to go with him. And left--how can I do that when my home, doctors, and job are here?

    Any responses would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. Blessings to you, Carol...
  2. karenq

    karenq New Member

    Hi Carol,

    I don't have any suggestions, but I did read your post and I have empathy for you.

    You said your man is a teacher and does not plan his finances well for the summer. I take that to mean he does not get paid over the summer. Is there any choice to get paid over the full 12 months? I am a teacher and that is how I get paid. I don't see how I would make it if I didn't get paid during the summer. It sounds like he needs to take a summer job to help pay his part of the expenses. I teach summer school every year to help make ends meet.

    I hope somebody else will have a suggestion on how to help you.

    I wish you the best.

    Karen

  3. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    I'd suggest you contact Al-Anon. Don't know if Gambler's Anonymous has a family group, but you could call GA yourself and find out if they have any suggestions for spouses/significant others.

    Intervention for alcohol and drugs works, because the addict is basically confronted with the consequences (what they'll lose) if they continue using. Don't know anything about using it for gambling though.

    You could also post a message on the "Overcoming Addictions" board, you should get a reply.

    Sorry to hear you're in such a tough spot....
  4. Achy-shaky

    Achy-shaky New Member

    So sorry to hear your horrible food poisoning episode. Why didn't your man get sick...didn't you get two sandwiches? I bet if he would have gotten the bad one it would have been a whole other story! I've had my fill of selfish men and I don't want to sound harsh but it sounds like this is your golden opportunity to go your separate ways. It doesn't sound like he's helping your health or your wallet one bit. Don't know if you have been told this but research has shown that stress from a negative or demanding relationship causes this DD to get worse so if you want to get any place closer to out of the sick lane you need to drop him at the side of the road! Your health comes first...if you are too weak to stand up you should not work. Please listen to your body, especially to your heart...you know what's best for you.

    Best of luck and blessings to you.
    Shaky
  5. catgal

    catgal New Member

    I appreciate your reading & responding to my post. However, does any one know what I can take to help recover more quickly from this bout of food poisoning. It has left me so weak, drained, and feeling poorly. I have to go to work tomorrow, and I can barely get around. Plus all the FM/CFS, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease flares it has set off.

    I have been a therapist at a Chemical Dependency Program going on 11 years now, and I understand how the process of addiction to chemicals, overeating inhalents, and gambling works. I have confronted him twice about his gambling, what it is doing to his life, how it is affecting me, and that it is ruining our 7-year relationship. He has wanted to get married for the past several years, but I have refused first because he is so in debt, and if anything happened to him--I'd be bankrupt for there is no way I could pay off his debts, and they could take everything I owned even though I had nothing to do with his indebtedness. And, when the gambling started two years ago--I told him I would never marry a gambling addict. And so the Beautiful wedding rings he bought us sits in cedar chest growing moss.

    When he gets himself into bad financial trouble due to his gambling, and his checks start bouncing--I don't help him. I don't have the money to help him, but even if I did--I wouldn't. He has had some serious consequences over his gambling, but like a true addict--it doesn't seem to soak in. Both of his cars and his home in another state were repossessed this past year because he couldn't make the payments due to his gambling. This past month, a warrant for his arrest for bounced checks was put out with a thousand dollar bond to get him out of jail if he was arrested--and though it upset me terribly--I wished they had arrested him and put him in jail because he would he just have to sit in that jail as I did not have a $1,000 to bail him out, and even if I did--I wouldn't. However, he came up with the money he owed the guy for the bounced check just in the nick of time, and the charges were dropped. Now I see in the mail that he has received several bounced check notifications and presently has no way to pay them. And even if I could pay them--I wouldn't.

    I can't make him stop gambling, and the stress it puts me through is alot of FM/CFS, back flaring and heartache. It's hard on me physically, emotionally, and financially. I try to keep myself separate from HIS gambling/financial problems as we are not married--but it does get to me from time to time. I have looked at my options, and I can either give him an ultimatum, kick him out of my home, and/or leave him. But I do love him, and God knows he has put up with my constant sickness for the past 7 years which I know grows very tiresome & old for him--for I'm always friggin sick with one or all my ailments. He moved Heaven & Earth to get me on his health insurance which has been a Godsend, never complains about my being sick though I KNOW it has to get to drive him crazy, he sticks by me no matter what, is affectionate, romantic, loving, attentive, cooks me wonderful dinners, buys me flowers, and candles for no special reason, writes me love letters, and , before I was on his insurance and didn't have the money to buy my $600 a month meds--he hawked his pride & joy motorcycle to get me the money to buy them. He's done wonderful things for me, studied & research my FM/CFS, IBS, asthma/allergies, and degenerative disc disease all on his own so he could understand and help me, and been the One person to stick with me through thick and thin. He teaches handicapped children and is an incredible teacher.

    He's also a horrendous money manager and a gambling addict in denial. And I can't help him. Somehow he's got to come to that realization himself and want help. Yes, I could kick him out--but I don't know which one of us would be the most miserable. I've told him that if he gets thrown in jail over these bounced checks due to his gambling--I won't bail him out--and I wouldn't, and he knows that. And being a therapist, I know all about codependency and what it does to you. And today when he left to go to his college courses in another town and announced he was looking for a job in another state and wanted me to go with him--I told him no--because I wasn't giving up everything I've worked so hard for here over the past 16 years to follow a gambling addict.

    But I know the stress of living with a gambling addict brings on some of my FM/CFS flares. What to do? Waiting on a Miracle I guess. Sick, Sick, Sick. Blessings to All, Carol...
  6. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    Carol, well with your qualifications you certainly know how to deal with an addict! (I'm a recovering alky--8 1/2 years.) Have you thought of dragging him to a GA meeting? Ask him to listen for the similarities not the differences? It might not help, but hopefully it won't hurt either. (I know I could make all sorts of suggestions [actually, I think I'm out of 'em!], but you've got to live with the results and know best what you're prepared to deal with. I'll be praying for you.)

    As far as the food poisoning, try charcoal tabs. I don't know what strength (if they come in strengths) because I've still got some powder that was given to me.
  7. Achy-shaky

    Achy-shaky New Member

    Carol...sorry I was so hard on you last night in my reply. I'm a recovering codependant so it just hurts to see another struggling with the same issues I used to. I'm glad you told him you would not go to another state with him. Perhaps this will wake him up to deal with his problem.

    Did you find out what kind of food poisoning you have? Some are worse than others. Didn't the hospital give you something for nausea? I've had similar experiences and was given Compazine which really helped. Also, what helped me was lots of fluids, I mean tons of water to flush you out, yogurt has a way of balancing out the bacteria, and plenty of rest.

    Hope you are feeling better soon.
    Blessings,
    Shaky
  8. babyblues68

    babyblues68 New Member

    I'm sorry your having such a bad time right now. I really don't have any suggestions. Just know my heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you.

    I will be going arond all day singing Life in the sick lane. It's stuck in my mind now. You were referring to song weren't you?

    {{{Gentle Hugs}}}
    Tammy
    [This Message was Edited on 07/01/2003]
  9. Jen F

    Jen F New Member

    but I'm with madwolf on the rehydration, maybe using what's it called....I've had to use it...Gastrolye, that's it,

    or at least adding some sugar? and salt to your drinking water [and a tiny bit of baking soda?]

    eat soft foods and get back onto regular foods slowly.

    Your tummy and bowel may be sore for a while.

    yeah, withdrawal from swallowed meds is a tricky problem I've experienced before when I was in the hospital, unable to stop vomiting, could not keep down even water even with gravol and stemetil IV's. I tried to communicate to my doctor that I was reliant on certain meds and would need an injectable form and the idiot gives the nurse a prescription for pills...after a long wait the misunderstanding was finally corrected.

    ARe any of your meds avail by patch? might be good to have a couple on hand for any future problems.

    My god what a horrible time you have had. I hope getting back to your usual sick self happens quickly. And I'm sorry about your man's gambling problems -- such a huge issue. I've seen it before, and it seems my father has a problem, so he's gonna be in a bit of trouble soon if he doesn't fix up his life right quick. No inheritance for moi, but that is the least of my current worries, and your situation is even more severe. YOu should have some sort of fund to be able to give you a day or two off work when you are really really sick. That is a really bad situation for you to be in, cause everyone gets sick sometime, right? I hope your man can find it within himself to step up to the plate and see he has a problem.

    May Blessings come your way.

    Jen F
  10. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    Won't address the man/gambling issue---not even going there! You've heard it all before, and now you are hearing it again, and while you've had astute comments & shrewd advice, I know you are sick right now & need to focus on getting well.

    I had food poisoning years ago, ended up in the hospital on IVs, too (my hands were black & blue from trying to insert the IV into a person who was so dehydrated, it was almost impossible to find a vein----did you have that problem?) Madwolf's suggestion was good---rehydrating with Gatorade or something with electrolytes, in any flavor you can stand. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating, but saltines, rice (even Minute Rice---very bland) or dry toast might go down in small quantities. Take it slow---I remember that after I suffered food poisoning, I was (psychologically) almost afraid to eat anywhere, anything. I hope you make it to work, but take it easy, sit down as much as you can, & leave early if you have any way to. Good luck, feel better & let us know how you're doing.

    Soft Hugs,
    Pam
  11. RedB

    RedB New Member

    but, about your man, I say keep him.

    You have yourself a good, kind man there, who has a definite problem. Unfortunately, good, kind men are extremely hard to find. If you prefer companionship to being on your own, I say keep him. Many, many people here will not agree with me, but I've been married for 33 years to the same man. Life doesn't always run smoothly -- there are a few ruts in the road. You just have to figure out how to get around them.

    Hopefully, your guy will be like my guy, and he will get things worked out. A new job might be the answer for him. Or perhaps a financial planner. He definitely needs help and support to get out of the rut he is in.

    And, as far as helping you to feel better -- take Madwolf's advice. :eek:)

    Kathy

  12. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    I'm probably a little late in responding if you HAVE to work tomorrow.
    But I wondered about de-tox baths to get this poison out of your system. Madwolf would know best if this is okay to do yet. But soon I'm sure would be a good thing.
    Here's one:

    1/2 cup baking soda
    !/2 cup sea salt or table if that's all you have
    1/2 cup epsom salts

    Soak in a HOT tub for 10 or 20 minutes. Easy does it. 10 probably would be the max the first time around. Listen to your body.

    Bath 2
    1 to 2 cups apple cider vinegar. not the artifical flavored, but any cheap kind will do. Soak the same way. Try one cup first time around. You don't want to de-tox too fast. Especially if you are dehydrated!!!

    Rinse off when done.

    these were passed down to my sisters husband who is a Zen Buddist priest. Though they are probably pretty well known by now? Anwway, I use them and they work.
    Oh, I hope the Gatorade helps a bunch and your body gives you a break!
    One last "tip"?
    Sometimes when I have to do something really important the next day, I go outside and ask the "universe" for help.
    I ask to please let me feel good the next day, and it has usually worked!
    Ziggy
  13. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    I'm probably a little late in responding if you HAVE to work tomorrow.
    But I wondered about de-tox baths to get this poison out of your system. Madwolf would know best if this is okay to do yet. But soon I'm sure would be a good thing.
    Here's one:

    1/2 cup baking soda
    !/2 cup sea salt or table if that's all you have
    1/2 cup epsom salts

    Soak in a HOT tub for 10 or 20 minutes. Easy does it. 10 probably would be the max the first time around. Listen to your body.

    Bath 2
    1 to 2 cups apple cider vinegar. not the artifical flavored, but any cheap kind will do. Soak the same way. Try one cup first time around. You don't want to de-tox too fast. Especially if you are dehydrated!!!

    Rinse off when done.

    these were passed down to my sisters husband who is a Zen Buddist priest. Though they are probably pretty well known by now? Anwway, I use them and they work.
    Oh, I hope the Gatorade helps a bunch and your body gives you a break!
    One last "tip"?
    Sometimes when I have to do something really important the next day, I go outside and ask the "universe" for help.
    I ask to please let me feel good the next day, and it has usually worked!
    Ziggy
  14. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hello Eveyrone~~I did the Gatoraide thing Madwolf suggested, threw it up a couple of times, but then slowly began to hold a it down a bit at a time. The detox baths were GREAT! Also kept sipping 7-Up and nibbling bits of Saltine Crackers, and the hospital gave me some Phergan (or something like that) which helped. However, I was so weak & felt so bad, yet eventually was able to take my back meds (oxycontin & percocet) so that helped tremendously in many ways and stopped the withdrawals.

    I did force myself to go to work Tuesday, but I honestly looked a greenish gray by then, and as I've worked there going on 11 years now and have helped many of the staff members throughout those years--they all pitched in and gave me some sick leave. Such kindness. Went back to work today and am doing much better, but my stomach & back are extremely sore....and even smelling food cooking still turns my stomach. But it is the end of the workweek for the 4th of July Holiday Weekend, and I am so grateful for the time to rest and finish recouperating.

    One good thing about it was that I got so sick I stopped worrying about my man's gambling problem and all his bounced checks--until today when I stopped at a convenience store in our little Village on my way home from work, and the manager (whom I've known for years) told me that my man had bounced checks there, and he needed to get them taken care of--and I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. Now, he's bouncing checks where we live and know people. I also stopped and got the mail, and he had several notices from his bank about bounced checks. Then when I got home, our physician's office called and said he had a bounced check there they had been trying to collect on for a year, and we're going to turn over to a collection agency. I know these people, and I felt terribly embarrassed.

    I don't know what he is going to do. He wasn't home when I got home from work this evening. He is a good man in so many ways and has stuck by me through all my sickness, never complaining, and when he finally got me on his insurance that was a Godsend, and I've been able to get the tests and see the specialists I've needed. That's the one thing he has maintained is my health insurance.

    Sooner or later all his bounced checks due to his gambling are going to come crashing down on him--and he will probably wind up in jail for a spell because I'm not bailing him out and he knows this. I don't have the money, and I wouldn't if I did. He needs help, but he's got to want it--and besides leaving him/throwing him out--there's nothing else I can do but let him suffer his own consequences. I've given serious thought to kicking him out, but cannot bring myself to do that at this point due to so many of the wonderful, helpful, kind, and generous things he's done for me over the past 7 years with all my illness. And since we are not married and have separate checking accounts--I will not legally be affected by his legal consequences. But, I also realize I don't need the stress, strain, and worry either, and no matter how much I am able to distance myself from his personal financial mess--it does get to me from time to time. Not to mention that now he is bouncing checks where we live, and I've known these people for 16 years, and it is very embarrassing to me even though they don't hold it against me--I am still the person living with this guy who is writing the bad checks.

    It is just a matter of time before all his legal consequences catches up with him--and the courts deal with him.....or I get fed up enough to terminate our relationship until he does something with himself. I'm a kind, compassionate person with boundaries and limits. And, as soon as I get well enough and strong enough--I plan on having my last and final talk with him--the rest is up to him.

    But, I wanted to "Thank You All" for caring and taking the time to read this post and respond. It has been a lifeline for me and given me a boost and very helpful healing tips when I was so ill.

    God Bless You Each and Every One, and may you have a safe and happy 4th of July! Love & Gratitude, Carol...