Link to FMS, IBS, to Borderline Personality Disorder Parents

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kirschbaum26, Jul 10, 2006.

  1. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member


    I am reading a book called "Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self Esteem". It is by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Fredman, PH.D., LCSW.

    I was shocked to read about what can happen to us physically and mentally by being raised by a Borderline Personality Disorder.

    "Some adult childrend lived with physical and/or emotional abuse from a parent also report that the abuse manifests in physical illnesses, inlcuding irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), Fibromyalgia, asthma, migraines and other autoimmune and stress related disorders".

    In case you do not know what borderline personality disorder is, maybe this would help.

    It is characterized in large part by the inability to regulate or manage, emotions and a deep-seated fear of abandonment, the disorder is one of the least researched and understood. That is starting to change with more awareness as well as more funding for research.

    I have been reading posts on this board for years now, and it seems to me that many of us have difficult relationships with our parents. That word, DIFFICULT, can certainly describe many of our non-borderline personality relationships with our parents...but the idea that we were raised in environments that had us feeling as we were "walking on eggshells" is a bit different.

    Just wondered if anyone else considers their parent/parents to have been borderline?

  2. reckabek

    reckabek New Member

    I am in the midst of being Dx'ed w/ fibro, and i was also Dx'ed w/ BPD.....i dont consider my parents to be borderline, they where pretty peaceful people...despite that one incodent w/ my dad at 6...if u know what im getting at!

    I guess my daughter has no chance then, hu....i have a bad temper....i flip on like a light switch...a therapist said a few weeks ago, fibro could cause intense moods also, but i have read many books on BPD, and i am a mild case oft hat forsure...
    well ill have to keep myself in poor daughter...thanks, beck
  3. bluestanglady

    bluestanglady New Member

    This type of research really bothers me and I hate the way it puts everyone with FM in the same category. I didn't have a horrible childhood. In fact, I had a great childhood. I had the type of parents every child wished for. My mother and father were great in all aspects and never was there a time in my life where I was mistreated or felt any fear or trauma with them. It just really makes me angry that this book puts ideas in people's heads that we all had horrible childhoods and dysfunctional parents. Just another stigma in our society to blame our parents for our illnesses. I know my FM came from a surgery I had on my neck for a ruptured disk -- at least that's when it manifested itself. Sorry to vent like this. But it upsets me when someone knows I have FM and then they might read something like this book, and it gives them the impression I had a horrible and abusive childhood.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/10/2006]
  4. TXFMmom

    TXFMmom New Member

    Often, ABUSERS, and alcoholics, drug addicts, and individuals such as that are borderline personality disorders. They are violent, addictive, and disruptive and ABUSIVE.


    Physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. THEN, AFTER YEARS OF THAT, HE FOUGHT MY MOTHER'S DIVORCE.

    However, this abuse in childhood leaves us all emotionally and health impaired.


  5. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    I'm glad there are people out there that had good parents .. you will never truly know how fortunate you are because you have never been in the shoes of "adult kids" that had bad ones .. the alcohol .. drunken rages .. smashing dishes .. screaming, swearing and uncontrollable emotions flung in our faces .. in my case staged suicides every time my father left on business trips ..

    I'm also glad to know there are others out there that are like me in the respect that we did survive these parents and have done a better job in our own lives or parenting skills because we saw the worst possible through our own eys as "kids".

    I also sense resentment that we recognize this type of background as an element of our conditions .. I actually never did until lately .. I too blamed my fibro on back surgery from a hernaited disc .. also the stress of having a husband that suffered trememdously from Gulf'91 military service.

    Why be so nasty to the people who have this added stress to their over all life, and illness is a question I would like to ask. That some one is afraid their friends will think they had a horrible childhood with abusive parents ?

    I find that offensive in fact .. but I also find it very curious that some one would be that defensive as well.
    We have all suffered in some way and form that contributes to these medical conditions. One is no better than the other .... and none deserve to be reprimanded.


    [This Message was Edited on 07/10/2006]
  6. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Then someone else tells my life story. What a great thread. My mother, as someone else said, is psycho. A great book that helped me was Toxic Parents. It was written many years ago, I read it about 10 years ago.

    I was mentally,physically, and verbably abused until I turned 18 and got married. I have been sick since I turned 13 and had a bad bout of bronchitis. I had typhoid fever at 15, then goiter and most of my thyroid removed at 16.

    The words like love, positive, supportive are not in her vocabulary. I'm sure her abuse and the stress contributed to my illness.

    Six months prior to my mother getting too ill to care for herself, I started having more problems of fatigue. It was not getting better, then in a matter of one month I walked away from my home, job, friends and life I had spent 17 years building to care for the person I had no desire to be with.

    I wish I had more time today, I am in a cleaning mode, shampooing carpets. I just sat down to take a break for a few minutes when I saw this thread. If I sit here much longer, I won't finish and who knows when I will feel like getting it done, lol.

    It has been proven stress causes physcial changes in the body. I know it does mine. The fatigue flairs are worse when stress in brought on. I have tried to make my life simple and it helps, but reality rears it's head every now and then.

    I only took time to glance at each post but there are a lot of commonalities. Gigi said it all very well. It's like you are in my head,lol. Maybe living paraell lives.

    I am so sorry to hear there are so many that have had to suffer. It's what we have learned from those lessons that matters now. I know I have a great relationship with my daughter. That means the world to me. Carla
  7. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Thanks to all of you who responded. I guess that there is a lot of research to support both sides of every discussion.

    I posted this thread because it hit home for me. I will read about anything that might give me some clues as to my own mental state as well as ANYTHING that might help to explain, or at least get me to look at, other causes or triggers to this terrible disease we all seem to share.

    For all of you interested, the book was published in 2003,by New Harbinger Publications in Oakland, CA.

    Research is just starting to unlock the role that constant stress has on our bodies and minds...and while this is obviously not the ANSWER for everyone on this board, or everyone who has a dx of FMS or IBS, I thought it would be interesting to show where some research seems to be heading. I do not believe that simply by stating that BPD can cause FMS/IBS means that this author has solved the mystery.

    My dad had lupus and RA. I have been dx with RA, FMS, IBS, DDD, etc. I am only searching for what makes sense to me, and I had never read this bit of info before, so I thought it would be a good topic for discussion. I certainly did not mean to offend anyone, nor to imply that only those who had tough childhoods have valid sources of FMS, IBS, etc.

    Thanks again for all of your responses, and especially those who shared so much of their own personal stories.

  8. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    Roseblossom ... thank you for the giggle .. humour helps when we get ourselves tied up in knots .. I like a good *snort, giggle giggle*
    I've been really stressed out lately with my older cat being very ill .. it seems to set off such a chain reaction of feeling worse .. poor little soul bit me when we tried to get a pill down her throat .. then I had to have a tentanus shot .. anti biotic .. allergy to that one .. on another one .. just feel dreadful with it all now.
    Reading this thread is good and bad .. good to know there are others out there like me .. bad to think about it all again .. but it has to get aired out once in a while I guess.
    It helps a great deal to TALK about it .. it just irritates me to death when some one tries to sermonize the addage " don't blame your parents for your quality of life theme" .. the other one is "can't you just MOVE on ?"
    Who wants to be in the places we have been ? .. then let us see THEM move on ... ?
    I appreciate the quality view points on here .. and ignore the rest. That way I stay saner .. hum ... or maybe less hostile ? haha
    Joy : )
  9. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    If you don't mind me asking, what do you take for your OCD??
  10. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    On your profile you wrote that you developed OCD..... It's in your profile.... OCD is also known as obsessive compulsive disorder... I was wondering what you took or did to help your OCD.....
  11. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    Just another thought......Would it had to have been in childhood? I've had so many abusive relationships from the age of 16 to the age of 36. (All that has changed and I am married to the man I was meant to be with, seriously, now)

    I did have a fantastic Mom and Step-Dad. My Dad left when I was 13 and I've got abandonment issues that I'm still working on over that, but none of them were abusive. Dad did have abandonment issues of his own.

    I was just wondering if you think that a part of the damage could also be attributed to abusive relationships later in life? I could see how the fight or flight response could get totally out of whack with this type of life for any extended period of time. I lived it and I've had that thought in the back of my mind for a really long time. I guess I was just afraid to bring it up....

    And for those that don't like this thread, I don't mean that I think that this is the definitive THING that caused the entire "sickness", but I do wonder if this hasn't contributed to it greatly.... I can't help but wonder that...

    Thanks for letting me get that out of my system. I needed this post, if for nothing else than to just get that out and deal with that thought.

  12. Roseblossom

    Roseblossom Member

    Yeah that alone feeling is a tough one, isn't matter whether you're a child living in a frightening situation, or an adult with a chronic illness.

    So many damaged people, all feeling alone together.

    It's nice to have you here with us :)

  13. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    Roseblossom and Nancymystic ... thanks for asking and commentling to my posts !
    I very much appreciate it !
    ... this is a sensitive topic and I have to rein in my self control, not to say a few choice words to the negative input and indeed SERMONIZING on what "they" think is the right and wrong of it all, from perspective, to food choices. How wonderful to know all the answers .. one day I might be as lucky ? "NOT"

    We have oppressive? spelling .. sigh .. heat/humidity here in Kingston .. the one thing I really hated to come back to from Holland .. we are lucky to have AC in the house and vehicles .. the city has cooling stations for those who do not so they can have a break from it too .. as well as the shopping malls.

    My little older lion is not doing well .. and we know the end of the road for her is coming .. so I have been really emotional about things in general .. putting a loved little soul like her to sleep is very hard .. but we won't have her suffer. She has had an extraordinary life with us .. not too many cats have traveled as much as she has .. lived in Holland .. chased the sounds of Dutch mice teasing her .. 14 and has been cherished by her family.

    The misdirected bite .. we don't force her steroid down her that way anymore .. too awful on all of us .. hiding it in food has worked so far, and I'm so grateful !

    Bite marks much better ! almost done the anti biotics .. just got too much sun today with my garden adventures .. you know how it is when you are enjoying what you do .. having your mind occupied by something pleasant ? .. You just want to keep doing that for as long as you can.
    But .. boy howdy ..*SNORT* .. I'm burnt .. outside and in .. so I have to lay low now ! haha

    Hope this post isn't too long and too boring for the rest of the crew !
    Thanks for asking ! I appreciate it !
    Joy : ) ... the HOT Canuck ........... by weather standards ONLY !! haha *snort giggle giggle*

  14. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    Hi there ! ... I found the thread and had a "conversation" haha .. thanks very much !
    Joy : )
  15. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I had wonderful parents a good childhood .This can not be the reasons for some of our FM/CFS .Again its different for each of us
  16. bluestanglady

    bluestanglady New Member

    I've been reading all the posts and feel that even though some of us have a difference of opinion than some of the other posters, everyone has a right to post their feelings without being ridiculed or 'snorted' at. Just because some of us had good parents shouldn't be "held against us". We also have the right to discount the article that the OP posted and state our reasons, too. I'm sorry some of you had a bad childhood. That's something you couldn't help. However, you can turn your bad childhood into positive things now that you're grown and not resort to 'snorting' and badmouthing when other posters make comments you don't agree with. I think all of us with FM want to find what causes it, but we have a hard enough time trying to explain how we feel when we have FM and what it is. A lot of people believe FM isn't real. Now we have an 'expert' out there saying it's caused by 'some' bad childhoods, bad parents, etc., in other words, people, including the medical profession, will again believe 'that it's all just in your head.' What about the others without bad childhoods? We need to make the medical profession understand that it's not just in our heads and that our symptoms are real and we need to push for funding to find the exact cause of this horrible disease.

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