Living like a "hermit"??

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by caroleye, Jan 9, 2006.

  1. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Since I've been dealing with this for several years, it became more & more difficult to interact with people, so eventually I've ended up living like a "hermit".

    My husband is with me, so I'm not alone, but I guess it's about being housebound so much. I've never been a "homebody", even as a child (dysfunctional family). Always very physically active, rewarding career, and social.

    Done all the arts & crafts I was interested in. Read all the books; computer's taken over that part.

    Just such a weird lifestyle. Talking on the phone is a major trigger, so that's out as well.

    Anyone relate to this "learning how to be a homebody"?

    LIGHT********carole
  2. gabdeb

    gabdeb New Member

    Yesterday a lady came to my door. I wasnt going to open it then decided to. I didnt really know her very well, but we live in a small town and id seen her. Anyways she had heard i have fibro so she was giving me some of her books to read. so nice. I dont usually answer the phone unless its my daughter. i listen to the message and decide when i feel like it I can call them back. its terrible not to even be able to talk on the phone.

    I usually dont leave the house unless i have to. My daughters birthday was lasst week and i told her id take her skating. we used to go all the time. Big mistake. i put on the skates and went alittle ways and came back and took them off. I was shaking so bad and pains were going up my legs. That really depressed me to realize i was in such bad shape, i used to love to skate. I dont know what made me think i could still do it, i just felt determined i was going to, it was hard enought just to drive there. We have to believe we will have a cure. Being on this computer is about all i do. I dont post much but i feel like i know people here because i read here everyday. That helps me some. But i was like you. always doing something or going somewhere. Guess im rambling now, have a good day.

    deb
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Carole:
    I am definitely 'reclusive'. Just venturing outside is sometimes a chore.

    The only night I go out is on Friday. I go to a 12 step program, suggested by groupmembers. (A big help to be sure).

    Other than Friday nights: I rarely leave the house.
    And I can not drive, so yes, there are others of us out there. Count me in.
    Hugs,
    NyroFan
  4. foggyfroggy

    foggyfroggy Guest

    Yes, count me in. I don't have so much problem talking on the phone or even talking to people when they come by but thats the problem! I'm housebound/mostly bedbound and no-one ever comes by anymore. All my "good" friends have just fallen off the face of the earth - it's so depressing!
    There is one friend who still calls and one good friend who comes by so his little boy can play with my youngest - he and his wife are such kind and caring people. It really opens your eyes to what your friends are made of. I had several other friends that I thought were very close friends that I literally never hear from anymore. I tried to keep in touch for awhile but it just became very obvious that it was very one sided..It's so hurtful - makes me feel like what Lepers must have gone through in the old days. Thank God I have a wonderful husband, kids, and my mom or I don't know what I'd do. (and ditto for this forum and the other one I check in on and the little group from Oregon who are wonderful)

    Gretchen
  5. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    The adrenal overload is hard on me, I tire easily, feel like I "have to leave" (when I'm with people) almost like irritated, or something. It is difficult. I can interract for a short while, then I have to "close the shop". I have learned to live with it, as I have watched and learned from my mother who had fibro much longer than me. If I overdo it with interraction of any sort I'll flare, or have a sensory overload of sorts that will only hurt in one way or another. The body senses everything, sounds, lights, etc. as physical pain, the nerves sends messeges to the brain as a fight or flight kind of thingie. It is frustrating. Besides the sensory overload or adrenal overload is the "standard" fibro stuff, like the unrelenting fatigue, the aches and the zombie like body and facial expession,,,LOL! What a sight! To interract with someone we have to work so much harder to be "normal" appearing, and it takes more effort and energy. If a stranger saw my "real" me they would think I had just shot myself up with some illegal street drug,,,LOL! God, it really is a terrible disease we have.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/09/2006]
  6. LostHearts

    LostHearts New Member

    My life generally consists of 4 rooms. Can't do anything beyond 3 hours or so. Going grocery shopping is a major endeavor. You lose friends pretty fast when you can't socialize any longer. If I do force myself to go to a family party, I will pay for it for the next 4 days.

    Reading the posts here--well I guess given our conditions, maybe it is for the best. The only real trouble comes when I start thinking about sad things and my thoughts go round and round. Having been very active, especially athletically, it's like a different world, a different planet now. Thank heavens for the internet and good books. Reading is a real escape. I like to read about historical figures' lives. Sometimes they give me strength to carry on.

    Anyway, guess we are the Hermits' Club!
  7. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    I do feel like a hermit. I struggle with guilt because it effects my entire family, but OH WAIT it's January..that was my resolution...NO GUILT.

    I only go out for church..and I do drive my child to school...take my walks..and I do go out on preplanned getaways..just me and a nite or two with girlfriends. My husband manages the homefront. I feel I need at least a once a month get out and forget that I am so tired and in pain...

    I find that when I go to a concert..and just let loose..it helps me accept being at home more than a "normal" woman of my age.

  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    ...all the responses have really made me realize that I am not the only one. I've been ill (fms/cfids) for over 8 years and fought it every step of the way. Kinda got stuck in denial and kept on pushing myself. Since March, 2005, I've been in a nasty flare-up and any little thing triggers my worst symptoms. Sooooo, I have chosen to stay home (even though I haven't been able to work for years) and take care of myself. My life is peaceful. I drink hot tea and read. The ladies at my local library know me well. I go to church on Sundays. I talk on the phone once in a while, not because I feel up to it but because I don't want people to forget about me and totally write me off. Plus it is a "life-line" of a sort. At least now I tell them that I've got to hang up because I've "hit the wall", so I stay in control.

    Yesterday I stayed in bed until 12noon, got up and dressed and went out to run a couple of errands. Today I had Bible Study and went to lunch with a few of the Bible study gals. Afterwards I did a little shopping..figured I'd take advantage since I was already out.

    I can already tell that I'm going to pay...sore throat and fatigue is falling on me like a thick fog.

    It only proves that when "you play, you pay". Yes, call me a hermit..I'm just doing what I've got to do to live with this awful illness.
  9. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Carole,
    I empathize with you. I, too, am learning how to do this.

    Things will be going along O.K., and then something will trigger the sense of isolation, and I am reminded that I can't do the things I've waited all my life to do, and I have to fight depression again.

    As an example, my computer has been on the blink for 2 weeks. Today it was fixed,and, as I went through the Email,deleting, I deleted amore than 20 commnications from mh meditation study group, that had to do with the exciting activities they are planning. Even such simple messages such as: "another baking pan is needed". I can't partake in any of that, especially during flu season, anmd I got sad all over again.

    I hope this struggle gets better for you as time goes on. I'm glad yo have our hubby. I have m fur kids, and they really keep me going.

    Best of luck and a big hug,
    Terry.
  10. annton

    annton New Member

    This is my first time posting and I can't tell you what a relief I felt to find this particular subject. Lately my social world has become smaller and smaller and I've been really depressed about it. I used to be really social several years ago and after my FM - I have had close friends that seemed to understand but I guess they finally got tired of me and my limitations. I'm happy to know I'm not alone in my feelings but I can't believe how debilitating this disease has become. I don't have a husband or kids, just my job and a best friend that has stood by me - she's a blessing. Let's all pray for one another and thank you for sharing your feelings.

    Love and light, Annton
  11. finnigan1229

    finnigan1229 New Member

    You sure find out who your true friends are when you get sick. It gets harder and harder to go anywhere cause I don't drive much and people are tired of always having to pick me up - so I just stay at home most of the time. My friend basis has dwindled down to just a couple of people and one just doesn't get it. In a town of a million people - that is pretty pathetic . . .
  12. fibropax

    fibropax New Member

    I've been ill a year. Was working full time, active in the community, athletic. All that has come to a stop. I had to quit my job as a nurse in June. I'm home all day and spend a good part of the day in bed. The pain is horrible. Feels like pebbles in my joints and like a truck just hit me. My husband is a huge support thank God because I really don't know how I'd survive this without him. My kids are great too. My siblings and friends have families and lives of their own so I can't expect them to drop everything for me. It has been difficult going through the stages of loss and accepting this very different life style. I do go to therapy once a week which has been a tremendous help. The depression is tough.
    I find it odd that there aren't many support groups for this. I can't find any where I live. It seems like there is more awareness of the illness though. Everyone seems to know someone who has fms.
    I keep praying that an answer will be found and we will be delivered from this cruel and lonely illness.
  13. Moonshyne

    Moonshyne New Member

    You eventually get used to it I guess.... I no longer care to participate with the outside world... it only seems to bring more stress everytime I answer the phone! It's a hard life... I usually don't have any ambition or energy to do crafting, reading or anything I used to enjoy except when I'm having an "up" day. Which happens about every blue moon....

    good luck and hang in there...

    I do find meditation and guided meditation tapes do help when I'm really out of it..

  14. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    I just figured it up and I've been this way for 10 years. At first I had all kinds of friends coming around and all but they soon forgot or just didn't have the time or maybe I was just too depressing to be around. I don't know what I would do without my Hubby or my kids coming by with my wonderful grandkids.

    I read all the posts here and they all pretty much fit me. I was just telling my Hubby the other day that I really don't have any "girlfriends" any more. I don't want to go on because it is too depressing. I know folks get involved with their own families and lifes but it is very depressing and makes you feel like nobody really cares or maybe they just were not truly friends to begin with. I would hope that I would not be this way if I were able to get out and about.

    Thank God for the Internet and places like this to come to but I find at times I don't even feel like posting or reading post here but I do think of you all alot.

    Grandma6
  15. bct

    bct Well-Known Member

    living in a little cabin in a clearing in the forest.

    I've lived with my partner for 36 yrs. I'm an old back-to-the-land hippie who departed the cities and crowds back in the '70s. Lots of other migrants moved on, but we stayed here.

    Used to have a lot of friends, but this disease (CFS for me) REALLY DOES make it difficult for one to keep up with relationships.

    So I do relate to you, Carole.
    The "mind-storms" of sensory overload need calm conditions, I find.

    Best Wishes
    Barry
  16. tandy

    tandy New Member

    I've grown to LOVE it,..that is.

    I still itch to get out every now and then but I stay home alot!! many days I shower and change from Pjs into clean pjs. LOL
    But I wear alot of those lounge type fleece pants so I'm at least dressed enough to answer the door. (IF someone dares to knock! LOL again)
    I screen all my calls,...and if I'm not expecting you to come over,..I will not answer the door to solicitors or strangers.
    Yup,..
    I'm a hermit~ :)
    when I do get out for a few hrs,...I feel it.
    I need a day or 2 to recouperate.
    Take care homey!
    Hugs
    Tandy
  17. JimCoyote1942

    JimCoyote1942 New Member

    Hi Carole,
    I have the same problem with isolating myself. A short trip to the grocery wears me out. Noises stress me and people irritate me. So I end up staying in. I live alone in a trailer in rural Texas. Friends do not come around and talking on the phone is tough for me. Thank goodness for the bulletin boards and e-mail pen pals. Would you like to exchange e-mails? I am not sure how that is done on this site. I am sure it could help both of us.
    Take care, Jim
  18. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Venturing out of my cave takes planning and determination. Then, when I return, I have to expect to pay for it for a few days. This isn't the retirement life I anticipated, that's for sure. Just got back from a two day visit with one of my kids. When I came home I crawled back into my cave. Good bed. Good good bed! Good TV. Good books and magazines. Phone turned off; appointments cancelled. Good cave! I'll crawl back out when I feel better.
  19. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I understand how you feel.I have no friends other than the friends I have made at the firestation my husband works at.Sometimes I like the solitude.I am a natural homebody.My daughter on the other hand is very social and loves to be out and about.For a long time she couldn't do that due to the FM but now she is able to get out and do more since the pain is not as unbareable as it use to be.I seen her go from a happy go lucky kid to a very depressed young lady.Heartbreaking.
    Carole I wish I could do something to help.If only Scotty could beam me up to your house I would sit wiht you and we could have a nice cup of coffee and just chat.I miss the face to face conversation the most.

    Sheila
  20. petesdragon

    petesdragon New Member

    I have been home nine days and am getting so many nitty-bitty jobs done like bring my address book up to date, put decorations away, sleep when I want and read when I want. Other times I go out of my mind and my husband will take me out to eat somewhere but sometimes by the time he is ready to go I'm too tired again.

    I have four friends and two children and my problem is, that when I interact with them I get so excited I have to find a way to calm down. This must be my adrenal gland? Right? My happy moods just go on and on and on and I begin to talk too much instead of listen. If I do all the talking I don't know any more when they left than when they came but I just blabber on. Most of them are huggers and it feels sooooo good to get a hug.