Living With A Fibro Patient

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AxeMan, Jun 27, 2003.

  1. AxeMan

    AxeMan New Member

    My wife is 42 and recently diagonsed with Fibro.
    What do I expect as a spouse of a Fibro patient?
    [This Message was Edited on 06/27/2003]
  2. jka

    jka New Member

    ifirst,i think it's great you're asking.this illness is as much a part of your life as yourwife's.when i was diagnosed with lupus 16 yr ago my husband had a hard time ajusting to the new person i had become.we had our ups and downs.then 6 yrs ago i was diagnosed with fibro.ajusting all over again!he helps me when i need it and is considerate of how i'm feeling.ask your wife what she needs.always talk things over. you will have days of resentment because of the way this changes your lives.thats okay.just make sure she knows no matter what you love her.she'll get deprssed and need you to help bring her up.read things on this site. there is great info here and lots of people willing to talk to you.best of luck to you and your wife.

    kathy c
  3. suz41

    suz41 New Member

    Hi Axeman

    I have FM and I think the most important thing to remember regarding your wife is that some days are good in between and for many really bad. It all depends on how severe the symptoms are affecting her. Being supportive and patient also not to mention letting her know that shes not crazy. My husband/best friend is very supportive knows when I'm having a bad day due to pain and fatigue, yet he doesn't pity me just lends me a hand and is a real partner in raising our two girsl ages 8 and almost 11. On the good days or even in between days we just go about life as normally as possible. Listening is important. This DD is a tough one to cope with and theres alot she will need to learn to gain coping skills that work for her. Be patient and don't forget to take care of yourself.
    LOL
    Suzanne
  4. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    I'm sorry your wife has fibro, but kudos to you for asking for input!!!

    The only thing I can suggest may not actually be any help. If there's an FM support group in your area, maybe you both can go to the meetings. I know spouses sometimes went to the CFS support group I went to when I lived in Portland, OR. Maybe you spouses could form your own support group or something. At the least, it would give you a place to vent, and it could gives you tips for coping.

    The sad truth is that this illness doesn't just affect the patient, it affects the family. Your wife lost herself, but in a sense you lost your wife. (That may sound bad, but I'm single. I feel like I don't/won't have a lot to offer anyone in the relationship department until I learn how to base my self-esteem on who I am--a "being" person--rather than on what I can do. She'll have to go through the same process. She's still the woman you married, she just won't be able to do as much.)

    Just know that she'll want to be the same as she was, and might very well feel guilty that she's not. But she didn't ask for this DD.

    I don't know that I said what I meant at the end, but don't have the energy to figure it out! I just meant that you need support too. And she needs support too.
  5. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    Do a websearch for the website of Devin Starlanyl, M. D. I think she has an excellent little piece there called "A Guide for Relatives and Companions". If it is not at her site, try Fibromyalgia Network News.
    It looks like your wife already has one of the most important things.....a good support system.
    God bless you,
    Klutzo
  6. schnoodle

    schnoodle New Member

    You are great for asking! One thing that I would say is to try not to take it personally when she is cranky. I get very cranky, especially in the evening when the fatigue and pain are the worst. I don't mean to, but that is just what happens. Medicines also affect mood and fatigue. Hang in there. In time hopefully things will work into a routine that you will both be able to cope with. If you arn't the massaging type maybe you could send your wife to a spa for a massage (wonderful). My husband has been very patient with me but I know it has been very hard on him too. The family is affected so much.
  7. BethM

    BethM New Member

    bravo to you for having the courage and insight to ask. FMS is not easy to live with, but with patience and love, anything is possible.

    I don't think I can add to what has already been said, especially by FMQueen (you go, girl!) other than make sure you have your life too, that your life doesn't become overshadowed by your wife's illness. There is a part of her that is healthy, too, focus on that as well! Keeping yourself healthy physically and emotionally will only help her and your marriage. Don't sacrifice your well-being in the midst of her illness-- she needs you to be strong and healthy for her.

    Remember, FMS is NOT a death sentence. There are degrees of illness within it. Not everyone who has FMS is disabled and housebound. Look for what she CAN do, don't focus on what she can't do.

    From a very personal perspective, my situation has been improved to a moderate degree by adding thyroid medication that contains T3 and T4. FMS-ers can have a 'broken' mechanism for breaking T4 into T3. Check with her doctor, but encourage him/her to treat the symptoms, not the lab results. We just don't react like people without FMS.

    Whew, guess I had more to say than I thought! Stay tuned to this wonderful site, there is lots of support and learning here.

    Peace,
    Beth.
  8. AxeMan

    AxeMan New Member

    You all have been very kind.

    Thanks you for sharing with someone that you have never met!