LOLOL- DIET TIPS Crazy Assortment... just in time for HOLIDAYS

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Oct 15, 2007.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    ---A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.

    ---The Government has issued new guidelines for a healthy diet. They advise you to:

    1. List your ten favorite foods.

    2. List your five favorite drinks.

    3. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

    4. List water.

    5. Avoid 1 & 2; eat only 3; drink only 4.


    And to really sum it all up:

    " ... the real difference is between fat and thin people is this:

    Thin people:

    -avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;

    -split a large combination pizza with three friends;

    -think Oreo cookies are for kids;

    -nibble cashews one at a time;

    -think that doughnuts are indigestible;

    -read books they have to hold with both hands;

    -become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;

    -fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;

    -counteract the mid-afternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;

    -exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio;

    -lose their appetites when they're depressed;

    -think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids;

    -save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups;

    -throw out stale potato chips (and cookies);

    -will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store;

    -think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate;

    -don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound;

    -warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream;

    -try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert;

    -find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda;

    -get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table;

    -have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color;

    -think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert;

    -bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box;

    -think banana splits are for kids.
    (By Barbara Florio Graham, McCall's, June, 1983)

    hope you find one or 2 that help - the holidays are here...!

    [This Message was Edited on 10/16/2007]
  2. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    That was way to cool...Only laugh I've had today.

    kept stayin away from the post cause I thought it was gonna depress me,them I remembered what board I was on.

    At my house our weekend project is lunch and we never take friends with us when we go out to eat pizza

    I love you guys...

  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Glad I could help...
    Also wanted to add this astute doctor's 'program' a friend sent me:

    "I'm prescribing these pills for you,"

    said the doctor to the overweight patient.

    "Now, I don't want you to actually swallow them...

    Just spill them on the floor twice a day,

    and then

    pick them up, one at a time...."

    [This Message was Edited on 10/15/2007]
  4. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    You have a great sense of humor....I hope others read this and don't think you're seriously posting diet tips.


    Nancy B
  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    and I changed the title too... hopefully that will be more obvious now, was thinking maybe it sounded too serious also....