We always talk so much about the physical pain of the disease, but for those of us who are mostly housebound, the loneliness itself is a horrible painful thing. It really hit me tonight how alone I am. I had a problem with a neighbor because they've been leaving an entire set of kitchen furniture in the hall of my building for two weeks now. And they were blocking my door to where I almost couldn't get out of my apartment. I moved them against their wall. They don't belong putting anything near my door. So, two hours later, I hear one of them come out of his apartment and he loudly says that whoever moved the chairs should mind their own business. I don't think he knew it was me or that I heard him. But it was my business that they were blocking my door in. I'm at the end of the hall, there is only one way out of here. And what they've been doing has created a firetrap for me. I was also scared the building's management would think the stuff was mine, and I think that's what these people have been trying to do. They had it spread out to look like it could be any one of three apartments. And I'm not letting them get me in trouble for their mess. So anyway, what really got me was, that I'm treated like a non person. Since they rarely see me, I just don't matter to them. So it just didn't occur to them that it would bother me to not be able to get out my door. This couple is nearly twice my age, they are in their 70's. They have a hundred times the energy I have. They have a full, active social life. People are always knocking on their door. They go to all kinds of social activities all day and into the night. They have an amazing full life. And here I am, half their age and I can hardly ever leave my apartment. I have no friends anymore because I'm never well enough to keep up a friendship. I have trouble just doing the small things I need to do to live. It took me all week just to be able to get the energy to take my garbage out tonight. And my lyme arthritis has been acting up so badly that I haven't been functional at all. It is so awful to have no one. I only have one local friend and her daughter has this disease and is very sick, so I don't see them much. One aunt out of state that I talk to once in awhile and an old family friend who has no understanding of this disease, so I don't talk to her much because all she does is tell me how wonderful her life is. Being this alone, year after year, it really wears you down. And it's horrible. People don't understand how bad it is to not be able to join things and go places and have friendships. And if I tell anyone, they stupidly tell me to join things. And it's like, if I could do that, I would already be doing it. I'm tired and I'm sad. Really, really sad. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I've had the disease for too many years now. And I've had to watch every part of my life be destroyed by it. I don't think there is anything crueler.