Lonely with Fibro

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cyrus, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. Cyrus

    Cyrus New Member

    Just wondering if anyone can relate to being single and alone on disabliity withwhat seems like minimal support other than my aging parents.

    If you're not in the work force anymore you lose touch with your old friends and making new ones when your sick certainly isn't easy. You don't go out anymore because something always hurts or your just too tired.

    Fibro is really an isolating disease and I often feel lonely for the company of a good friend or friends to talk to or occasionally go out for a coffee with.

    Am I losing my mind here or do others feel the same way?

    Cyrus
  2. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    Nope, not losing your mind at all.

    Some of us are lucky to be able to maintain relationships with non-fibro friends. It's A LOT of work..on everyone's part. That's probably the biggest down side to this DD for me.

    I have a cherished group of friends and until this wekeend, I hadn't seen them for about 5 months. We used to get together weekly.. well, they still do- I go when I can.

    I've thought about support groups, but I think for me, I'd rather not summon the energy to go out, to sit and talk about what keeps me home most of the time. I'd rather focus on something totally off topic from Fibro.


    I wish I had some advice for you-- but since I don't really, I offer you my understanding of your situation.

    Zzz
  3. erfula1

    erfula1 New Member

    After I was diagnosed I went even further down hill when I lost my job. I withdrew from everyone except my hubby and my son. I became bedridden for 6 months. I almost gave up. We lived in town and I hated it. I didn't realize just how miserable I was until we moved back to the country.

    Now I have my horses and I am making new friends through them. Horse people are really great people. I am becoming more active although I am doing it slowly. I came out of a long flare and I feel so much better mentally and physically. Don't get me wrong I still have pain and fatigue, but they are no where near as bad as they were.

    I think it was a few things that changed. One I learned to deal with pain. I don't take any pain meds, only vitamins and supplements and occasionally Tylenol or ibuprofen. Another thing is I do something everyday. I think that if we don't do some kind of movement, I don't mean excersise, then toxins build up in our bodies and make the muscle pain even worse. I try to ride my horse at least every other day, sometimes every day.

    There have been days when I got up and I thought, I don't feel like it today. Then I would go to the barn anyway just to be with my horses and I couldn't resist saddling up. I always feel better afterwards. The more active I am the better I feel. A few years ago I never would have believed this. A few years ago I was on 12 different meds and couldn't function.

    I am not extremely active, don't get me wrong. I do have to rest and take breaks. I do deal with pain everyday. But I have come to accept that I will deal with pain no matter what I do so I choose to be in pain and have a life. If I stay at home all I do is dwell on the pain and get depressed. If I am on the back of my horse then I don't think about the pain for a while. I am too at peace and happy. Just having friends and laughing with them has made me feel so much better. Laughter is really great medicine.

    I know how hard it can be because I have been there. I am not an outsider trying to give advice. I have lived it. I cannot believe how bad my life was a few years ago. I cannot believe how isolated and depressed I was. Now I am happier than I have ever been and it is not thanks to any depression meds. It is thanks to God and to my life. Thanks to my hubby for standing beside me through one of the darkest times of my life. Thanks to my son for giving me a reason to go on even when I thought life was hopeless. And thanks to my horses for bringing me back to life.

    Find something that you enjoy. It doesn't have to be much, but try to find something that will get you around other people. With me it was horses. With you it might be something entirely different like bingo, or yoga. Horses are my only hobby so I am not full of ideas. I just know that in the last few weeks we have had so much fun going to shows and trail riding. Things that I never would have believed I could do a few years ago.

    Maybe since you are a single mom you could connect with other single moms. I don't know if there is a service that does this or not. Maybe you could go to a church singles activity. I just know that interaction with others is key to your mental health. If you are mentally healthy then you will feel better and be able to deal with the pain better.

    I hope that you find a way to have a life around this DD. It is the only way, cause it isn't going away any time soon. I just refuse to let life pass me by and then wake up 20 or 30 years from now and wonder where my life went.

    Good luck to you.
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Cyrus:

    I often feel lonely, but know I am not alone. I can always call my sister in Florida about anything and I have many pen pals in the cyber-world. Without this board I do not know what I would do. Since I found it, it feels like an addiction. A good one. I have to stay connected. It makes me less anxious.

    nyrofan
  5. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Nope, you're not losing your mind, you've lost your friends and it's sad.

    Both FM and CFS are very isolating illness and the frustration for me is that, as much as I'd like friends, I not only am restricted in which I can do and when I can do it, but I also can't be around people for very long because I get too exhausted. Interestingly enough though, some people tire me less than others. I think it's an intensity thing.

    Hang in there. There are a lot of people on this board who will enjoy hearing from you and will be reliable friends - if you don't need an in-person hug, which is what I miss.

    Marta
  6. Cyrus

    Cyrus New Member

    Thank-you all so much for clearing up my sanity issues I guess there is hope for me after all. If I could find something to be passionate about or join a group of some sort maybe I could get reconnected with the world again and not feel so lost. I try to maintain telephone contact with as many people as possible so as not to lose contact woth those I know, but getting out is hard for me, not impossible, but hard.

    Thanks again for your comments and thoughts
    Cyrus
  7. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    I know my friend Christine is a real friend. I was staying at a casino hotel last night and invited her over to spend the night. After she got there, I told her I didn't feel well and I was sorry. She was so nice, said it was okay. How about getting room service instead of going to dinner like we had planned? She told me it was nice just to relax. That's a real friend. Someone who makes you feel okay about having to cancel a plan - she made the night fun anyway. Of course, she understands because she had breast cancer and a double mastectomy.