Hi there....I'm new to this message board. I just joined about 2 hours ago. I've read many of the messages and replies and feel like I've found people who understand me...Finally! I'm just so very lonely. I used to be so active and involved in so many things. I felt so sure of myself and so accomplished. Now I'm reduced to being homebound and weak. I had many friends, both at work and social friends, to do things with and talk to. Since I've gotten so ill and haven't been able to attend the parties or go anywhere, none of them call me anymore. I've called a few of them, but they don't return my calls. Maybe they don't know what to say or are uncomfortable. I know everyone has their own lives and families. I understand, but it still hurts. I've discussed my loneliness with my husband. He usually gets very defensive and says that he is home more than most husbands. He is home alot, but even when he's home he's not "really here" alot of the time. He's outside doing yard work or something else, and when we're together at night he is tired from working and can be very distant sometimes. He thinks that I want him here physically all the time, but that's not what I want. I just want to connect with others again, and I want more than anything for him to be the one that I connect with most of all. He takes it that I'm complaining about him and blaming him for all of my sadness. He says that I take everything out on him because I have no one else to take it out on. So, he suggested that I find a support group and find "someone else" (his words) to talk to. He's not a bad man. I'm not trying to imply that at all. I love him. We just got married a little under 3 years ago. Right after we met my symptoms got drastically worse. Alot of men would have run away, but he loves me and he stuck by me and asked me to marry him. He also does alot for me like running most of the errands, cooking almost every night, taking me to my many medical appoinments, etc. I feel that God put him in my life right at the perfect time when He knew I would need someone. Unfortunately, we argue alot. I'm just so angry at having this illness and so darned lonely. I even have dreams at night where I have this feeling of complete and utter loneliness. It awakens me like a nightmare would. I just feel like such a bad wife. I know he does alot for me, but I want for him to sacrifice a day once in a while to just hang out with me when I'm in a flare up. On those days I'm usually lying on my bed watching movies with a heating pad on my back and the curtains drawn to keep the light from hurting my head. I've asked him to hang out with me and he says that he can't stand being in a dark room all day. I feel resentful of the fact that he can go fishing on average of once a week, but has only hung out with me as I've desired maybe 5 times in the last 3 years. I just feel like such a burden and don't know how to remedy the loneliness. I try to explain how I feel, but he gets defensive and we end up arguing. He just does not understand, and I fear that if I continue trying to get him to understand how I feel it will destroy our marriage. I would go to counseling, but we cannot afford it right now with the financial strain this illness has put on us. He suggested that I go to a local support group, but the closest one is a 35 to 40 minute drive, and I have a very difficult time riding in the car because it makes me nauseated, dizzy and anxious. His answer to that is that all the people who are at the FM support groups feel bad but that they make it there. So, once again I feel misunderstood, lonely and accused of not having the initiative to fix things myself. It makes me feel worse about myself. Am I asking too much from him? Does anyone have any ideas to help me with the loneliness? I would greatly appreciate your suggestions. Thanks for reading! Sorry for the pity party!