long vent.....frustrated and depressed..

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pammy52, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    I just need to unload to those 'in the know'.
    I am having such a hard time keeping a positive attitude about healing and dealing.

    2 months ago I started a regimen of healthier eating, taking supplements and physical therapy/aqua therapy based on Dr. Tietelbaums protocol.
    I am being guided through this program by a new doc who focuses on chronic health problems, FMS/CFS etc..

    I realize I am just beginning this journey of healing but I am so overwhelmed by trying to get healthier and maintain a full time job.

    My health has declined dramatically in the past five years and especially in the past year.
    I felt at the rate I was going I would be unable to function in the work world at all.

    I am now wondering if by following a path to healing I am speeding up the process of not being able to maintain my job.

    Having been a member of this board for 3 yrs., I have read the journey of some here.

    I know that no one can make predictions as to how I am going to fare with or without following this treatment plan or any for that matter.

    I just need some words of support, encouragement and sharing of experiences to get me through.
    I have a wonderful man who is so compassionate and understanding and does his best to give positive input and for that I am thankful.

    I just am so scared of what the future is going to bring and after going through so many personal crisis's in my life with my family, etc., I am finding this to be one of the most difficult situations to face because I have changed so dramatically in my ability to keep going no matter what.

    My energy and stamina is at an all time low and although I want to continue with the protocol I am on, I do not see how to do that and continue to work and if I don't work then I don't see how I can continue the appts. and supplements etc..

    I realize this is a dilemma that most face.
    For the first time in all the years I have had FMS/CFS I am at a point of truly grieving the loss of what I used to be able to do.
    I have been functioning at a much lower level of energy for years but now I am finding the routine of work and little else but rest very depressing.

    I was fortunate enough to switch from a very physically demanding job to a desk job last fall.
    I felt this would be the answer to maintaining a job.
    Now I am struggling every day to just make it through the day there.
    I have had to cancel 2 of my aqua therapy sessions in order to be able to work the rest of the day.

    Ironically...I am the office coordinator for the physical therapy dept. where I am receiving PT and taking the aqua classes.

    Thanks for reading this and although I know putting one foot in front of the other...even if just mentally at times..is all we can do, I am really hard pressed to do even that lately.

    I keep telling myself...this too shall pass and my PTs keep telling me...baby steps.

    Pammy
  2. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    I was diagnosed at Xmas 2004. I'm sure I had FM for quite a few years, but the summer of 2004 brought on my first really severe flare up. (Likely due to a virus I contraced on vacation. This same virus attacked my thyroid)

    Since then, I've been on a real struggle to accept this condition. I'm generally a person who can't sit still. I thrive (or used to) thrive on stress.

    In the last few months I've finally come to the realization that I have to work with these conditions to make my life better. The frustration was just getting too great.

    I also have started an exercise regime. We live in the country and by the evening I'm too tired to drive in to an aquafit. Instead, I've started taking Calcium Pyruvate and taking a fast 30 minute walk at lunch every day.

    I'm also trying to reduce the sugar and carbs in my diet. I get tremendous cravings for potate chips! After six weeks I'm finally seeing some results. My yucky midlife/midwaist fat is disappearing. It's not happening quickly but it is happening.

    Sometimes I have to take an extra pain pill to make it through the day. Sometimes I'm just so tired I could cry. BUT......I'd better find a way to live with this because I don't think there's any other alternative.

    My daughter, son-in-law and three young grandchildren are arriving today for a two week stay. I've been in a bit of a flare since April. My job is nuts right now. I'm excited to see them and terrified I'm going to crash.

    Like you said.....this too will pass. We can both make it through.

    All the best Pammy

    Eileen.
  3. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You're between a rock and a hard place, aren't you? I'm so sorry. It sounds like a great job, too, if you can just manage it.

    I'm at the point here on this board of sounding like some kind of zealot but I'm going to say it again anyway. Get a copy of The Paleo Diet, read it carefully, then follow it.

    Pammy, I was been sick with CFS, then FM for 11 years. I had to quit work, I've given up most of my friends, my interests, my community involvement, dating, I sit on the sidelines of my family (grandchildren), became intolerably lonely....need I continue?

    I fumbled my way through unknowing, uncaring doctors until I "happened on" a new doctor and a wonderful PA. (One of life's many miracles that happen all the time, but I'm still pinching myself.)

    I've talked about all this on a long thread called If You Want To Feel Better Read This. At least that's what I think it was called....lol. I also take magnesium with malic acid and, at the recommendation of my PA, 2,000 iu of vitamin D a day which has been amazingly helpful (but needs to be monitored). This morning, after being at a late meeting last night, I was up at 5 refreshed and walked a mile, had Paleo breakfast, fixed a huge salad for lunch and have spent more time than I should on line which is enormously tiring for me as a rule. And I feel GOOD. physically and mentally. I have some arthritis which I suspect will also improve in time but after eleven years! I can't believe how much improvement there is over just one month ago.

    It doesn't take baby steps, Pammy, it just takes the RIGHT steps. Maybe this is the path for you.

    Sending bountiful good wishes,
    Marta
  4. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    I appreciate your responses.

    I have been the tough cookie for years and still am in many ways.
    I have always been the caretaker,caregiver,take care of business person in my personal life.
    In the work world I have been the go to..diplomatic.. problem solver with a positive, can do attitude and the one that uses humor to get through most anything.

    Thankfully I still have my sense of humor...

    I have felt for quite a few years now that if I could just find a way to manage not working for an extended period of time I would be able to get the rest that I have been without for so many years due to long term family crisis and long work hours.

    I guess that is my biggest frustration at this point.
    Just feeling as though I really need that chunk of time to take care of me and not seeing any way to make it work.

    I am thankful for my job and for many things in my life but when work is all you have energy for then it becomes difficult to accept that your life is dictated by $ and you are sacrificing family,friends and all the things you dreamed of doing some day because you are too tired and in pain to participate in those areas of life.

    I will check into the meal you suggested Marta.

    Thanks again all for just being here.

    Pammy
  5. adirondackhoney

    adirondackhoney New Member

    then i decided to enjoy all i can, it does help.but there are days i just can't---- anything.
    i also had to endure rabies series of shots a few years ago, i had awful reactions, found out later FMS folks shouldn't get immunoglobulin...
    anyhow, it took 3+ years to feel it all leave my system.
    It was horrible to put it midly.
    Now, I'm in flare, uggghhhh!
    Cindy Lou
  6. eadpd

    eadpd New Member

    just popping in to say "bump" and hope things improve soon for you. I will bump a bunch to get this on the first page for you.

    Hugs to my friend, Patty
  7. eadpd

    eadpd New Member

    bumping for you
  8. eadpd

    eadpd New Member

    bumping
  9. sascha

    sascha Member

    carrying on seems to be a constant problem-solving process. i am impressed you manage to keep working. it must be so hard. i agree that finding the diet that works for you is critical. i find i need lots of protein and good fats, and many symptoms have lessened as i have added more good things to my diet, and have attempted to minimize the bad stuff (refined grains, sugar, caffeine, bad fats, many of the carbs, high-glycemic foods). it's a process sorting through all this. it's hard for me (here's my frustration and venting part) because i rent space in someone's apartment, so i have limited storage space. it's hard keeping refrigerator stocked for juicing vegetables, etc. and it's hard to accomplish a trip out to shop at times. i'm tempted to cut corners and cook/fix what's fast and easy so i can get out of the kitchen.
    we each have our own set of challenges- that's for sure! i think it's true that since humanity didn't evolve on sugars, pastries, refined oils, snack foods etc. for some of us the 'normal' diet puts us under, or at least doesn't help us in quest to regain our health.
    i'm getting ideas and help from these postings, and thanks a lot for that. best of luck in your quest- sascha
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Pammy:

    Surely baby steps along the way. When the day comes if you have to say 'no more' it might not be too difficult because then you can have more time to hold up your health.

    I did it so many different ways at work and one day walked out and knew I could not maintain my life that way.

    Good decision for me. Just another bump on the road!

    Feel better!!!

    nyrofan