looking for insight

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jamedw1, Mar 4, 2003.

  1. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    hi all...
    this is my first time posting a message...
    just hoping for some guidance here...

    i am madly in love with a woman (she frequents these hallowed halls sometimes) who has fm/cfs...

    i would do anything in the world for this lady...
    problem is, is that i live 600 miles away from her...
    we haven't met yet, but i know in my heart that this is the "one"...
    i try my best to give her the moral support that she needs, but sometimes i feel so helpless... somewhat less than useful...

    while my ultimate dream is to be with her for the rest of my life, i need to know what i can do, from the point of view of people that "truly" understand what she is going through, perhaps beyond the simple "words" and understanding that i can give her...

    i don't pretend to think i can truly understand everything... but the Lord know, i will do "anything" in my power to make her life a little easier...

    if you can put yourselves in "my" shoes (a much easier walk) for a stroll, how would you want to be "understood"... how would you want someone, who loves you, to try to lend support, encouragement, and peace to you under these circumstances...

    like i said, just looking for ways to treat someone as special as i possibly can...

    thanks,
    eddie

    p.s. she loves me too... :)
  2. Lendi

    Lendi New Member

    Eddie, you are so sweet. Showing you care and being interested in her illness would be half of it if it were me. Reading up on the disease, whichever or both that she has so you understand what she means when she says something, give support, but don't even try to second guess her feelngs. Feel anger for her when she needs it, let her cry if that's necessary. Help her when she asks, and yes sometimes when she doesn't with trying to figure some of the researach out. Brain fog can make that difficult, assuming it's an issue. Well, I'm betting you are already doing these things. Any chance you will be physically in the same location soon? Reassure her that you love her weather she is feeling well and energetic and wants to do something (probably doesn't happen often) and that you love her just as much if she just needs to veg and stay home.

    p.s. You sound like a keeper. She's a lucky girl. I know, I have one just like you at my home.

    Lendi
  3. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    my late husband passed away. I am newly diagnoised and this has really hit us both hard. Sometimes I don't even recognize the person I have turned into from what I was 2 years ago when we began our life together. And I am sure John wonders where that person went to as well. I am just hoping and praying I can recapture a portion of my former life.

    I can tell you from my own experience, just be there for her, when she needs to talk, listen, don't let her push you away because she will try, be supportive but don't hover or smother. Reassure her you love her for the person she is and the disease does not matter. And on our worst days when we feel too lousy to get a shower or brush our teeth, remind her how beautiful she is. Trust me on this one, we need this. This disease robs us of so much. At times I don't see how John can possibly still be hanging in there with me but he is so we must have built a firm foundation in the first year of our relationship to weather the second year. Since we have been together, I have had knee surgery (my fourth) elbow surgery for ulnar nerve entrapment, and Jan 20th of this year, I had to have a disc removed in my neck at the C4-5 level, bone grafting done and hardware put in place. That is when this horrid flare began, when I had the spinal surgery, but I know I have had this for a long time, it just had not been diagnoised.

    Good luck in your relationship with this lady and welcome.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/05/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/05/2003]
  4. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    while i want to be with her "yesterday", i have a lot of "tieing" up to do before i can... (finances, etc)... besides, we haven't even met yet, altho i'm quite hopeful that we will in a couple of months... and i'm confident that we will do fine in that category...

    thank you so much for your kind words...
    your encouragement has moved me to tears...
    it's nice to know that at least i'm on the right track...
    i have promised her i will be her rock, if she will be my "smile"...
    "gaps" are meant to be bridged...
    and the right people for each other are hard to keep apart... not when there's true love...
    glad you know what i mean... :)
    eddie
  5. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    for your welcome, and your kind words...

    i'm thinking that the bigger concerns are not that you may not be the person you were 2 years ago...
    but that your "good" company has changed along with you...

    and from your words, it seems you have that...

    bad breath and snarled hair may be unattractive on the outside, or maybe to those who see only the superficial...

    but true beauty only exists on the inside... in one's heart and soul...
    i may be one of the few blessed to have a lady that exemplifies her beauty both inside and out, but once i saw her smile, nothing else mattered anyway...

    so what's a little fibromyalgia among real friends...
    just another big bump in the road of life...
    love, patience and understanding will beat that sucker anytime... :)

    good luck to you, and again,
    thanks
    eddie
  6. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    just because i want to learn...
    to help me understand better...
    and your feedback is invaluable...

    you see, i'm in it for the long haul...
    but only if she'll have me... :)
    eddie...