Looking for some support

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rdrose, Sep 12, 2005.

  1. rdrose

    rdrose New Member

    Hi im new here I have been looking for support in dealing with my fibro and cfs,depression. Im a single mom,40, disabled now because of it all and need someone to relate to. maybe even make a friend or two to help me. I get so depressed dealing with this.On the outside I look just fine so I always get the attitude of "whats wrong with u or u r disabled???y???its so hard living like this.can anyone relate???
  2. 123sandra

    123sandra New Member

    We all can on this board!! Hello and welcome.
    You will meet lots of new friends who totally understand how you feel.
    Feel free to vent your frustrations, you WILL be listened to.
    LOL
    Sandra
  3. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Rdrose,
    I've never had anyone tell me I look fine after I tell them I have FMS. So, I guess I don't look fine, huh?

    Welcome to the group! :)

    I know how frustrating it is living with these DDs. Even harder when you have children and are single. I'm 55 and my two boys are grown. One lives here because he has complications from diabetes and it is expensive living on your own as you know.

    I get depressed from FMS and having diabetes for 29 years.

    Take care and again happy to meet you!

    Hugs,
    Faye
  4. lmmillion

    lmmillion New Member

    I, too, am new to this board as of a few days ago. Believe it or not, I am a 40 yr. old single mom who has been disabled with FM for going on three years now. Initially, people would comment on how I didn't look sick or act sick. It was frustrating and hurt my feelings because I felt like everyone thought I was being lazy or something. The truth of the matter was that I simply became good at hiding how I really felt because I was trying to keep up with my job and life itself. I'm not sure how long you have been dealing with FM and depression, but I can tell you that my fatigue and depression were evident long before the physical pain got bad.I was so depressed and got even more depressed when initially my doctor suggested that my symptoms were due to being depressed. I started on antidepressants and have had to switch brands and dosages a few times to get it right, but eventually I could tell a difference. It was after getting relief from the antidepressants and still having significant physical problems that my Dr. began to look at FM as the culprit.

    I look back to when I got really sick and had to leave my job, and I can totally relate to how you might feel. Being a single parent makes it so much more difficult because there is not a spouse to help ease the burden. It is financially frightening to become disabled and wonder how you're going to get by. It is also tough being the only parent in the home because there are days you can barely take care of yourself, let alone children. I am fortunate to have family and friends, and even a fairly helpful ex-husband. I hope you have people you can call on for help.

    Please know that the depression can get much better over time. It's so overwhelming when you first get sick, but with medical help and time, I believe that you will feel less depressed and able to handle this dibilitating ailment.

    My best to you, and my thoughts are with you.
  5. orachel

    orachel New Member

    I've only been on these boards 2 or 3 days now, so you're not the only one! I'm unable to work, also, but can't get disability (even short term) because they keep turning me down! Will keep fighting, though. I can't imagine what you're going thru as the single mom of 2 kids...I'm sitting here hopeing they're old enough to help out at home to ease some of the burden.
    I've been diagnosed a month, been really sick for about 3-4 mos, and I keep asking every single care provider for a support group or something to meet others dealing with the same. Doesn't seem like there are a lot of resources to help us in my area (Toledo, OH), but in the last few days, I've learned what an amazing resource the women/men on these boards can be, and what a great support system.
    I'm new to my area, and just didn't have a lot of time to make friends before I got sick, so its amazing to have this whole group of people who have a similar experience to stand with you.

    So, hang in there, rdrose. You're definitely in the right place!
    Rachel
  6. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    Welcome to the board. I've only been here for about 6 months but boy can I relate. I too am a single mother of two and my 20 year old that still lives with me. I have been pretty much able to ignore comments about how I don't look sick. The ones that get me are from my kids. While they say that yes I am sick if I'm not able to do something that think it's because I"m just to lazy to do it. I have teenagers and in a lot of ways they are a great help but in a lot of other ways they seem to make me even more depressed about this DD. I hope your kids are old enough to help in some ways. As for the others when they say you don't look sick thank them for their kindness and ask them if they would like to live your life for just one week so you can remember what it's like to wake up in the morning and not feel any pain and to go to bed at night knowing you were pain free the whole day. They tend to be quite when you say something like that to them. Hang in there and know that there are a lot of people that can relate to this problem.
  7. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    I just can't get over people bluntly saying you look fine when you say you are sick. No one has ever said this to me! I can see, well, you look good! in a compliment sort of way. Looking good helps me feel better. If I look like poop that makes me feel worse.

    I hate to have people come up to me and say, you look like you don't feel good, cause I am thinking, gee, thanks, are you saying I look like crap???

    I wonder what would happen if when someone said to you that you look fine, if you said, "so?"

    See what response you get to that! What are they gonna say? You have to have large gonads to stand there and say, well, if you look okay, then you must be okay. Of course some do have that much gall.

    How about this? Someone says, "you look fine", say, "so are you calling me a liar?" LOL

    I like to imagine things I can't say even though I shouldn't and try to keep it down now and think more on what the Lord would have me say. But my daughter used to have alot of problems with some girls at daycare talking about what she wore and I used to think of all sorts of things I could not tell her to say!

    One of the girls kept saying she had a big butt, and I did tell her to say, "eeewww, why are you looking at my butt?"

    Bad, bad, bad.

    Sonya
  8. rdrose

    rdrose New Member

    Thank you for answering me, its is so good to hear someone can relate to me, i live in constant frustration from my family and friends who dont understand. Living everyday in pain and waking up every morning knowing this is my reality now for 5 yrs.Somehow it never seems to get any easier does it???
  9. rdrose

    rdrose New Member

    I have two daughters 21 and 17. The 17 yr old still lives at home and doesnt know how to deal with my illness even though its been 5 yrs. she knows Im sick but thinks i should still do everything around the house if I dont she acts like Im being lazy or Im just milking the situation, can you imagine??? My 21 yr old kinda understands but I dont think she realizes to the extreme of how bad I am sometimes. I honestly dont think they want to accept it.
    Ive been trying to enforce some more rules to make my youngest do more chores around here. But I get so worn out just dealing with the tension and fussing. My stress level is thru the roof!!Thank you guys I cant tell u how good it feels to be able to talk to people who know what Im talking about. Thank you so much!!!
  10. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Hi,
    Welcome. I know how you feel about being told that you look fine. It used to really annoy me when people said it, but then I realized that people expect those who are as sick as we are, to look really bad - with dark circles under the eyes and pale, blotchy skin.

    I think they are usually meaning to compliment us, trying to help us feel better.

    As for those who aren't, - who are implying disbelief, well, they are their own problem. I pity them because someday they will have to learn compassion, and unfortunately, learning compassion usually involves suffering.

    Please try not to let them hurt you. Unfortunately, it seems that those very people are the ones who should love and support us most.

    Keep strong. Remember, you have us, here on the board, who understand, and don't expect you to look half dead! LOL

    Hugs,
    Terry