Looking for support friendship w/those who know....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hockeymom2, Jul 17, 2006.

  1. hockeymom2

    hockeymom2 New Member

    Hello,
    I am new here and looking for ideas and help. I was dx w/fibromyalgia about a yr ago but have been in a constant flare for about 3 yrs w/only 1 day here or there (maybe 2-3 a month) that are good. I see a rheumatologist have tried lots of prescription meds and soooooooo many natural. I work fulltime and have 3 boys and a workaholic husband. I just want soooooooo badly not too hurt so much and to be a little more awake, please help w/suggestions, I have another appt in August for a reck, I am just so tired of feeling like this. I feel like a miserable mom, wife, co-worker and person. Please anybody, any suggestions???? I so hate being that "person" who whines and complains, but I have been having so many days where I feel like I can't cope anymore.
  2. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Hi HockeyMom2,


    I also work full-time and I have 2 girls. After I noticed that my quantity, speed, and attendance at work was suffering due to my FM and CFS, I made the decision to get legal protection by having my doctors fill out paperwork for FMLA(for when I burn through all of my paid time but still need to be off) and for ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act, for certain workplace accommodations like more frequent breaks and them forgiving me when I'm within 30 minutes late). Though my stupid employers haven't followed through with all of the accommodations that they promised, at least I'm not part of a legally-protected class and they can suffer penalties if I can prove that they are discriminating against me.

    Other than that, I'm still trying to learn how to unwind after my stressful job, only to come home and have to deal with drama with my kids (some last-minute school supply needed, or some Open House or special event at the school or my oldest working on a major project the night before it's due, etc. OR, during the summer months, they haven't cleaned the house but just ate up all of the food in my absence). While I'm at work, I fantasize about jumping in bed, and say I'm going to come in, put my personal workplace documentation up, iron my clothes, either cook dinner or have the girls cook, twist my hair and then jump in bed. But by the time I get done being wound up, I usually cannot fall asleep until 1am, only to have to get up at 6am.

    I desperately need to find a wind-down sleepytime routine. I do burn incense or light a candle upon returning home, from the hustle and bustle of rush-hour traffic.
  3. dleaning

    dleaning New Member

    You have come to the right place!! I have felt like a horrible mom, wife etc!! But don't. This is something that is out of your control and you are not doing this because you want to! It took me a long time to understand that. Just do what you can, and don't worry about what you can't do, there is always tomorrow!! Take it one day at a time.

    THis is the most frustrating syndrome that there is!!! Are you in counceling at all? That might help you. I just started on Friday. I also suffer from panic attacks.

    Hope this helps you in some way and looking forward to hearing from you again soon.

    PS...Can I ask where you are from? Just curious!! I too have 2 boys ages 14 and 7. My younger son is a HUGE fan of hockey!! (noticed your name!)

    Dawn
  4. hockeymom2

    hockeymom2 New Member

    Thanks for your reply. We live in Wisconsin. My 14 yr old has lived, breathed and eaten hockey since he was 3 yrs old. He even went and played at Lake Placid last year:) Perhaps you can tell me how this all works, it seems as though I am replying to myself to reply to you??
    I am counseling, sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. I have not gotten to the point of not feeling guilty, it seems that is my only emotion.
    I hope to talk w/you again and get to know you.
  5. hockeymom2

    hockeymom2 New Member

    Thanks for the advice. I don't think workplace accomodations would work well in my office as we are ALWAYS expected to bubbly and happy, etc... no matter what. But the other part is no one at work knows, I don't share the fact I have FMS, I am afraid people will not believe me or think that I am crazy.
  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    hockeymom2:


    Welcome!

    IMHO, but I am one of the legions who quit work and pleasing people. Believe me, I am not advocating that it for you.

    You might have to slow it up a bit. Maybe make a schedule for yourself with some down time.

    Whatever you do: do not stress out.

    nyrofan
  7. dleaning

    dleaning New Member

    it is weird, but i don't think they allow us to give out email address's, but you can go to the live chat room, that's the only other way to talk directly, so to speak!

    Yes, I live with guilt all the time, even for stuff I shouldn't feel guilty about.

    I live in NJ, where it is currently HOT!!!! It was 98 degrees today, and tomorrow supposed to be another hot one, in the 90's again. I did a mommy thing today and took my little one to our park pool. I don't do that often.

    Hope to talk again soon!

    Dawn
  8. hockeymom2

    hockeymom2 New Member

    Thanks for your reply. Although my husband is a workaholic, we still live paycheck to paycheck. So no extra money for extras. Raising kids is a spendy thing these days especially w/the cost of living going up and up. My boys do help greatly, I don't know what I would do without them. Above and beyond helping around the house, they work w/their dad at his side jobs (construction) when he is done w/his "regular" fulltime job. They work w/him to earn money to buy things they "want" that are not always "needs". Also, I am so thankful and grateful to God that they are good boys (except for the "normal" kid stuff:) I think it would put me over the edge to have to stress about them getting into trouble or making wrong choices. I just have to figure out how to deal w/the pain and fatigue...I want to have the energy and strength to be their mom, not just the somebody who never feels good. Anyways, thanks again and I hope you are doing good and find an understanding/good doc soon:)
  9. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    Hi there,

    I was going to suggest exactly what sweetT did.. FMLA- If you've worked for your company for more than a year and there are more than 50 employees you take intermitten fmla.. which allows you 12 weeks of time of taken in hours, days, weeks, however you need to use it.

    It's be a great thing for me..

    It's hard to trust that coworkers will understand when your coming and going, but if they had to suffer, they'd get it too.

    If you keep pushing yourself your going to break eventually. I was at the same point you sound like your at. Going in too many directions and just wanting to collapse... but keep on going..

    Working full time, motherhood, wifely duties, maintaining friendships, dealing with extended family, anyone would be drained, add chronic illness to the mix and you've got a receipe for disaster.

    FMLA was a huge help in balancing the act..

    Sharon