losing against mental illness since I was 5. hopelessness sinking in

Discussion in 'Comfort, Grief and Advice' started by crazypants, Oct 8, 2015.

  1. crazypants

    crazypants Member

    So I've been treated for depression, GAD, panic disorders, OCD, ADHD and insomnia since I was 5 years old. By the time I was 16 by some miracle everything just went away. I foolishly believed that meant they would not return.

    For the last 5 years I have been struggling with all the above disorders except, and I'm so thankful, for the OCD. However to make a long depressing had complicating story short I have no living family members, friend's who can't bother to return a phone call and attempting to live off disability in New York is literally painful. Yes I have been on every nedication and attempted every form of treatment up to and as of this August ECT treatments. Which unfortunately had little effect which is gone now anyways. The only medications that have had any impact are klonopib and adderall. Yes I'm fully aware of how horrible benzos are but as its the only medication that keeps me from wanting to self isolate for months at a time the pros outweigh the cons.

    I'm posting this because I am beginning to isolate yet again, and now that we've attenpted ECT I just don't know what else I can do. Any suggestions that I have not yet tried would be appreciated it. I do see a psychologist twice a month and psychiatrist monthly fwi. They too seem to not know what to do at this point.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi CP

    Welcome to the Board.

    Sorry to hear about your multiple problems. I remember having insomnia when I was a
    kid. Long time ago. In those days you could lie awake and hear the whistle of a steam
    locomotive chugging through town.


    I have been depressed most of my life. Here are some things that helped me.
    Therapy; meds; brief periods of hospitalization; group classes/therapy sessions
    at Kaiser Permanente; the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns; there is also
    a workbook; the 12 step program Emotions Anonymous. The 12 step program
    also provides some social contact. Members often meet for a meal or just coffee
    before or after the program. The cost is whatever you can afford to put in the
    basket which pays the expenses like rent, coffee, cookies, etc.

    You can find an Emotions Anonymous meeting near you on the net. For folks
    who don't live near a meeting, there is also some help available from the
    home office.

    All the above did not cure me, but it greatly reduced my depression. I went to
    meetings for 25 years. Only stopped when I got too old and feeble.

    Here's one more bit of info I got from a psychologist at Kaiser. Your sub-
    conscious has no sense of humor. So do not talk in a negative way to yourself.
    Do not call yourself a loser, crazy, a nut, etc.

    If you would like some info about the Pro Health board, I can post that

    Best of luck
    Rock [​IMG]
    Mikie and lydia1 like this.
  3. joanierav

    joanierav Member

    rock. i loved what you said. "your subconscious has no sense of humor, so do not use any negative words" WOW that hit home. thank you.

    also your advice was excellent , i would have give the same. find some anonymous meetings in your area. "neurotics anonymous", as well as the emotions anonymous. they're many around.. and good luck to you crazypants.

    also maybe try to concentrate on the physical aspect of the depression. could be something simple like lacking a vitamin.

    blessings, joanierav
    rockgor likes this.
  4. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi CP,

    I am so sorry for all of your suffering. Have you tried a Naturopathic doctor?

    My grandson was having all sorts of physical and emotional problems stemming from years of stress leading up to his parent's divorce. We took him to a Naturopathic Dr after the only answer that conventional medicine had for him was an offer of Prozac.

    He had non-invasive testing done using Zyto technology and has been taking a variety of supplements that were recommended based on testing.

    He goes every 2-3 months for a recheck and retesting, and supps are changed accordingly. He has had amazing improvement in all areas and seems like a new kid. He had so many imbalances in his body due to stress, the standard american diet, etc that are now being corrected. I am very glad we took him there. It's something to consider.

    I will say a prayer for your healing. Take care.
  5. wellingtondeb

    wellingtondeb Member

    I am so sorry for your pain....I understand. Have had mental issues since a child and finally got some relief when I was 39 and had a severe bout of depression and the doctor put me on Prozac. I felt "normal" for the first time in my life and for 21 years did pretty well on them....until I realized ,when I started having a lot of health problems and trying to correct bad health practices, that I needed to clean the pharma out of my system. Actually it just dawned on me that I was taking fluoride in a pill when ....when I was distilling it out of the water...made no sense...so I stopped cold turkey. Then all hell broke loose....seems my health issues were from undiagnosed Lyme Disease ...and true I did not need to be on poisons...but my brain rebelled big time and I started having rages and such depression and anxiety and hopelessness that I thought I would die or kill myself. Anyway my sweet, loving husband of 30 years could not take it anymore and threatened to walk out....I had had to do something... and was not going to go back on the toxins if I could help it. So I ask the good Lord to show me what I needed and found a wonderful book that explained what the problems were and what the solution was without having to stress my body further. The book is "Med-Free Bipolar" by Aspen Morrow. I started taking the suppliments that it suggested and within a week or two I could feel the weight lifting and start coping with my problems again in a better way. ...much better than when on Prozac. I am many months away from when I went through the worse mental distress of my life...I have not had my Lyme rages since.....Praise God. I also am a lot less sensitive and my bipolar and OCD symptoms , I believe, are mainly obsolete. My problems were genetic and epigenetic and Lyme had thrown a big monkey wrench in the already fragile machine of this crazy old woman's mind. I am learning to love life...even though mainly bedridden. ...God is good. Please try it ...the medicine does cost a little a month ...the main one is called EMPOWER Q96 and is sold online by different folks and cost around 60.00 for a month supply. Another one that I know helps and is much cheaper and most people need is called Lithium Orotate and you can get it anywhere...maybe even here. This is my first day on the site and was touched by your pain and had to tell you what has helped me....so don't know don't what they carry. Hope this helps . Deb
  6. K20

    K20 Member

    Hi Crazypants. ( nice name by the way)

    Yes there are many of us who have gone down that same lonely and unhappy road and felt those same feelings. Things I had did not show up on normal tests so I thought everyone felt like I did since everything showed to be normal. After a while I stopped trying to find answers. I got pretty bad brain fog in my 50s and cut my working back a bit cause I was so tiered. Then when I was in my early 60s I decided to have my cholesterol measured before going for some foot surgery. Up to this point I lead what would be considered a super healthy life style still not knowing why I felt so tired, drained, unhappy and waiting or wanting to die. On the outside I seemed happy and normal inside I felt I was different from everyone else.
    I did fitness training daily for 3 hours hard but kept putting weight on. I ate whole wheat things with no sugar added, avoided sweets and sugars but ate fruits and healthy grains. Never drank alcohol cause just a sip would go directly to my head. Never smoked or did any drugs. Never took mod altering drugs but did use antibiotics.
    So then I get the test results back that I have high cholesterol. Wow how could that be eating so healthy and working out so much. It didn't make sense..
    I was sent to a few drs to be tested for hormones, heart and I don't know what else. They all wanted me to go on statins but since I have a very strong medical background I said no I want to find the cause of it cause it didn't make sense with my lifestyle.
    To make this shorter I will skip to the chase. After many drs over the years I found out I had leaky gut. This caused a microbial overgrowth of very bad microbes that break down the gut body barrier. This barrier had been broken down most of my life and I was full of toxins causing the brain fog, depression, outsider and all the other bad feelings I had going on all those years. I found what foods I should eat and avoid and it was like magic how eating right changed so much of what was going on in my head and emotions. My quick temper disappeared, my depression was gone, my wanting to die was gone, I lost extra weight eating the right foods, my cholesterol became normal, so much improved just by eating the right stuff. I still am fighting the parasites and they still make me tired but compared to how my life was before I feel so much better.
    Janie 46 has given excellent advice. Find a functional doctor to help you. Get the Zyto testing done and I guarantee you your life will change for the better quite fast. Run don't walk. I am familiar with the Zyto and use a similar device to see what is wrong with me so I can fix it.
    It will be worth every penny you spend.
    You won't need pharma ever again. You will get your life back. Good luck.
  7. rogitgarg4411

    rogitgarg4411 Member

    Sorry to hear about your multiple problems.