losing job, dr. relations ruined, could use a friend...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by twjen, Dec 6, 2002.

  1. twjen

    twjen New Member

    I just want to cry today and really need some support. I guess I knew this was coming, but when it finally has its hard to take. Been having a bad flare and not going to work. Before this I was on intermittant fmla, and my employer wanted constant updates for missing 3-5 days a month since august. Dr. was upset about this and so was I.
    It took focus off of me and put focus on employer satisfaction. I think my Dr. now thinks I visit her for employement purposes rather than my health needs. I recently applied for some dis. pay through employer. They called today and said my Dr. told them that I have fibro. symptoms, but that I can work. So, I am going to get fired for sure and no dis. pay at all. The thing that really upsets me is that I was put in this position by employer in first place. They didnt need prior constant updates for chronic conditions (colitis, degen. disks, etc) every thirty days as they were requesting. Because of this I had to constantly bug my Dr. to fill out these forms so I could keep my job. This has come between my Dr. and I, and now wonder if she thinks Im not really sick at all, just want dis. pay or something. I had requested an unpaid leave from work as to not involve Dr. but this was denied, so when I got worse again I went ahead and applied for dis. pay. I wish I wouldnt have, cuz now I dont feel comfortable with my Dr. anymore. My Dr. told them I am on elavil and should beable to work. I tried it and cant take that garbage drug. I intended to tell her this on next appt. next week, but it appears she believes that it should be a miracle drug and I should be all fixed now. As she informed employer dis. dept. that I could work
    with this med. What a joke my employer turned this into for me. Im not mean spirited, but I wish some of them could feel how all this feels for at least an entire month straight and then they would have no question as to how this feels. Sorry so long, I feel so down today. Its not like I cant survive without the disability pay, its that I feel so humiliated by employer explotation of this and how it has comprimised my Dr. relations. I guess I will have to find another Dr. again, just when I thought I had found a good one. Dont even know if I should go to appt. next week at all. I wrote my Dr. notes about employment papers
    so I wouldnt have to keep going in for them. I wish I could take them back, I feel so stupid for doing this. But at the time(s) my employer demanded papers back in 15 days and I felt in a panic over these and my job. Dont even care about job anymore, just so mad that my physicain relations have been destroyed because of employer harassment. It is not fair to be treated this way because of DD that others do not understand. I feel degraded over this. Thanks for listening to me ramble.....
    Jen
    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2002]
  2. twjen

    twjen New Member

    I just want to cry today and really need some support. I guess I knew this was coming, but when it finally has its hard to take. Been having a bad flare and not going to work. Before this I was on intermittant fmla, and my employer wanted constant updates for missing 3-5 days a month since august. Dr. was upset about this and so was I.
    It took focus off of me and put focus on employer satisfaction. I think my Dr. now thinks I visit her for employement purposes rather than my health needs. I recently applied for some dis. pay through employer. They called today and said my Dr. told them that I have fibro. symptoms, but that I can work. So, I am going to get fired for sure and no dis. pay at all. The thing that really upsets me is that I was put in this position by employer in first place. They didnt need prior constant updates for chronic conditions (colitis, degen. disks, etc) every thirty days as they were requesting. Because of this I had to constantly bug my Dr. to fill out these forms so I could keep my job. This has come between my Dr. and I, and now wonder if she thinks Im not really sick at all, just want dis. pay or something. I had requested an unpaid leave from work as to not involve Dr. but this was denied, so when I got worse again I went ahead and applied for dis. pay. I wish I wouldnt have, cuz now I dont feel comfortable with my Dr. anymore. My Dr. told them I am on elavil and should beable to work. I tried it and cant take that garbage drug. I intended to tell her this on next appt. next week, but it appears she believes that it should be a miracle drug and I should be all fixed now. As she informed employer dis. dept. that I could work
    with this med. What a joke my employer turned this into for me. Im not mean spirited, but I wish some of them could feel how all this feels for at least an entire month straight and then they would have no question as to how this feels. Sorry so long, I feel so down today. Its not like I cant survive without the disability pay, its that I feel so humiliated by employer explotation of this and how it has comprimised my Dr. relations. I guess I will have to find another Dr. again, just when I thought I had found a good one. Dont even know if I should go to appt. next week at all. I wrote my Dr. notes about employment papers
    so I wouldnt have to keep going in for them. I wish I could take them back, I feel so stupid for doing this. But at the time(s) my employer demanded papers back in 15 days and I felt in a panic over these and my job. Dont even care about job anymore, just so mad that my physicain relations have been destroyed because of employer harassment. It is not fair to be treated this way because of DD that others do not understand. I feel degraded over this. Thanks for listening to me ramble.....
    Jen
    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2002]
  3. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I think this is about more than your employer hassling you and your doc. It sounds to me like your doc needs replacing. Any doc who thinks that you can do just fine with only Elavil for FM, needs educating. Since your relationship with your doc is already strained you may want to look for another doc, rather than trying to educate this one.

    I also find that it works better to go in and ask questions about possible treatments than to demand them. Another person who goes to my doc said he was really put off when she took in what sounds like Mary Shoman's new book about Autoimmune Disorders. The title is Living Well With Autoimmune Disease: What Your Doctor Doesn't Tell you.

    He was offended by that and I can understand why. The title implies that he is not telling her everything he knows. I have found this to be the opposite with this same doctor. We have very frank discussions about possible treatments and their pros and cons. He supports my use if any type of treatment that works. I told her she needed to learn how to approach him and then he's wonderful.

    Go to the Doctor Referral button at the top of the page and click on it. Then click on Co-Cure Good Docs list. That takes you to a list of docs who have been recommended by their patients.

    Good luck to you.

    Barbara
  4. kellym

    kellym New Member

    Hey there Jen. You're not alone in this struggle! I lost my job from this DD. They constantly wanted updates, too. I provided them with everything, but they didn't care. But the EEOC cared and filed a charge of discrimination against them. And I finally won my unemployment benefits from them (yea!). People, especially employers, just DO NOT understand at all! And I don't know if that will EVER change. Anyway, it does sound like you might need a new, UNDERSTANDING doc to help you through this. They make all the difference in the world.
    Don't let others' ignorance make you feel degraded. THEY are the degraded ones. They lack understanding, knowledge, compassion, patience, you name it. You don't. You are a quality human being, specially created by God, and knowing and having him is far more important than any job.
    KellyM
  5. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Jen~~I feel for your frustration. I work part-time and have FM, CFS, Degenerative Disc Disease (ddd), Rheumatoid & Osteoarthritis, and severe Asthma. Though I am on narcotic medications for the pain, there are days it takes everything I've got to go to work for three days, and when I'm in a Flare like this week--I drag myself to work and can barely function.

    Along with the other ailments, I suffer from severe back pain with the ddd, and I have missed alot of work this year because I just could not get out of bed.

    And the bottom line with employers, many physicians, and beauracratic systems is MONEY. They don't want to pay. When you miss work--you cost them money. When you try and get employer disability--it costs them money. You can keep paying a physician that doesn't help you, and as long as you stay sick and keep coming back--he makes money.

    There are Federal Laws & Guidelines that protect people with chronic illnesses on the job. If they keep someone with a chronic illness working--they don't have to pay out Disability. Sometimes employers will harass you with so much documentation about your illness that it is actually a ploy to make you quit. If you want to keep working, I would encourage you to contact the EEOC and other supportive agencies to see what your rights are and to help you.

    I know I have cost my employer alot of money in sick leave this year, and he has been trying to come up with some legitimate reason to fire me or lay me off. So far, I have faught back successfully using the Federal Laws & Guidelines that protect people with diagnosed chronic illnesses, but it has taken alot of staminia and fortitude. Don't let them push you around. You have rights. And find another doc--you deserve better than the one you've got. If a physician is going to get paid whether or not he helps you....find one that will benefit you. Best Wishes, Carol...
  6. victory

    victory New Member

    Hey- I am new here. Saw your message. Cant tell you how many times I have been there. The first thing you need to do is get a new doc. That one doesnt sound very helpful.
  7. ZosoLight

    ZosoLight New Member

    Hi TWJEN:

    Know just how you feel. I've been there, my wife almost left me.... tests upon tests... pain, cognitive difficulties , bills piling up, living on credit cards stress to the max!!

    Just remember to take it day by day, minute by minute.

    Insurance co. won't ppay disability benefits... they say they want more updated info. My bosses and co-workers are understanding, though. But insurance benefits are paid by independent co, so my employer just says that I have to go by what they say and if they deny disabilliyt pay, then the employer will stop their other benefits, too.

    It's a stall to discourage you.

    Please find a doc that cares. You deserve it! And get an attorney once you have a supportive doctor.

    Paul

  8. ZosoLight

    ZosoLight New Member

    Hi-

    I just saw you live in Utah. So do I-- in Logan.

    I've been seeing Dr. Dennis Remington in Orem/Provo.
    He knows CFS / FM symptoms. Is a knowlegable caring and supportive doctor. I've been seeing him for many years and would definietely recommend him.

    His number is (801) 373-8500

    Paul in Logan
  9. Rosetta

    Rosetta New Member

    Depending on the type of job that you have, when you try to work with pain, fatigue, and no sleep, this may be a safety hazzard for you and the ones that you work with. If you make a mistake could this lead to you or someone getting hurt?? If this is the case please tell your doctor. After all, if they say you can work and you get hurt or hurt someone else who is to blame?
  10. Mom3

    Mom3 New Member

    I have got my fibro from a car accident in 2000. My employee disability was paying me and i wanted to go back to work but was on accommodation in alternate work, just this week after working for this employer for 12 years they got rid of me because i am not at full time capacity. I have cried all week. I feel like i was fired. I have been a committed employee who worked hard to get a promotation a week before my accident. At first they were very supportive but after 6 months of accommodation they gave up on me. I am soo sad and took this all so personally. My union is fighting a grievance and it is a violation of the human rights code in ontario. I feel like I have no strength to fight, but I have no choice. I have 3 kids to support. My husband has been very understanding, but I feel helpless and offended. In Ontario the law is if you can do the essential duties of your job they have to accommodate indefinately, but they are fighting on the fact that they are saying I am not doing my whole job. I am so mad, they are lying too. Wish me luck, thank God I have a strong union who back me up. But nonetheless my employer has left me feeling so upset I couldn't function all week. If I win this fight I will be back at work for this idiot. Do I really feel like he deserves me? No way, that will be another hurtle. Dealing with this illness so such torture I feel for all the people on this board. We have to be strong!! Mom3
  11. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I lost my job June 1 of this year, but in fairness to them I have to say I was not paying attn to work, it was so hard to with chronic pain and a trauma we went thru with my hubby. It was like all of a sudden in April when we learned just how serious my hubby's health (heart failure) is we just fell apart and nothing else mattered. I was in a career in advertising, marketing and commercial print that I just loved and I was very good at. I have an incredibly technical mind (for a girl!) and I loved the industry I was in. It hurts. I know, and I was able to negotiate with them to lay me off so I could get unemployment, I did not have my dx yet and I thought I would rally around, I thought at the time that I was just suffering from PTSD and a few weeks or a month off & I would be as good as new. The permanence of this dd is setting in with my hubby and his family, it has for me a while ago but then I am the one who does all the reading & research, this is the hardest thing I could ever face, I have often said that I don't know how people live with chronic pain and the fact is I have days when I don't want to live. I would definitely not at this point do anything to end my life but I do understand that whole concept now and I must say I don't find it strange. It is an awful feeling to not be able to be "productive" in the sense that we all have been, it is a huge adjustment and not just financially. We are probably going to lose my car in a few months, we have an offer of $$ help from my inlaws but I already feel like they do not respect us because they don't necessarly believe I have this or how serious it is and I have a hard time taking help from someone who just truly thinks I am just lazy. I don't have any answers, I pray a lot. I love my hubby so completely and I just try to take one day at a time. You will get thru this, we all will with help from here.

    Jaci
  12. Bellesmom

    Bellesmom New Member

    I know how you all feel and the more I read about others' problems on this board the more I realize how miniscule mine would seem. But we are all in this boat together and there is no one who can appreciate what agonizes us, pains us other than each other.

    When my doctor has looked at me in disgust it was very hard at first (I am way too sensitive about that stuff) but then to be going out for a job and losing it because of all this conflict would be way too much. I am stuck at home, not able to do anything but one phrase rings out in my head and that's when my doctor looked at me after I told him all the reasons I could not leave the house and he said, "why you no can work?" It was like my lips were moving and no sound was coming out.

    This is all so FRUStrating!!! I believe if we all hang in there the answer comes. It just seems as tho it won't.

    Sorry I have no more eloquent words to say.

    Pam
  13. nancyneptune

    nancyneptune New Member

    "why you no can work??" OMG! He doesn't speak english, how can he treat anyone!

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