Losing sense of humor, patience, fun :(

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Aug 28, 2011.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    I am 46, and even though I have had FM since my early 20's, I have always tried to "ride it out" or ignore it, or just keep pressing on with my life, but it is getting more and more difficult.

    I seem to be so much more serious nowadays than ever. I don't have patience for stupid, loud, raunchy movies, explicit sex (that seems to be all that is out there nowadays), I don't have patience for "modern technology" either, my brain fog gets in the way of that.

    I feel more irritable now than ever. I don't like to watch the news because of all the crime, poverty, unemployment, people with no health insurance and sickness, fooding, natural disasters, I could go on and on, but I won't to spare you guys (you know all this anyway, right?)

    I still like to dress modern and wear jewelry for work, but it is so much more of an effort now and that makes me sad, not sure why. I know I am of the age where menopause will be striking me pretty soon.............but I don't want to think about it because it will depress me, LOL. Besides, after being on medication and gaining weight, my clothes look awful on me, and I have lost my sense of "style" that I used to have :(

    I used to laugh so much more, in spite of the pain and fatigue. I used to enjoy going out to dinner with friends so much more, but now, I have to watch my diet, most foods tend to aggravate my FM, foods that I love, unless I eat just a plain organic salad and a small piece of meat, food in restaurants will give me a flare up of my FM in as little as a few hours from eating. That is no fun, LOL.

    I know I am rambling about this and going from topic to topic, it's just that I am not as "carefree" as I used to be, and it's bothering me a lot. I really don't think this is depression, just age, FM, being in pain and just LIFE and all it's difficulties. Thanks for listening, hugs to all, Chelz.

  2. momsherry

    momsherry New Member

    Hi Chelz , Sorry you are feeling down. Just remember, we are still able to get around and you are still able to work and get out of the house. Keep on dressing up, be with the right friends that help you and if they don*t, get new friends.

    I use to worry about pleasing people and afraid I would get hurt by people, and I usually did get hurt a lot. Now, I am older and wiser, gal, and I have insurance. Did you ever see that movie, Fried Green Tomatoes. I have probably seen it seven times. It had funny parts in it and sad parts. But it had a very good story to tell. I always liked older people telling me good stories. Well, now I am the older one, 68 and I am here to make you feel better and I still have a young heart and I love talking to people, even in the stores. I am tall so in Walmart I am the one who gets things off the top shelf to short people.

    I have weight on, but I still do all my own house work and yard work and take care of my husband who has lots of problems. I cut my own hair, color it and still cut other people*s hair. It sure saves me and I like doing it.

    NOw, I laugh everyday, maybe at the reruns of Fraisher, even commercials, or just thinking back on funny things in life. I have lots of pain but I put the bengay on wear my compfy shoes with padded socks and good insoles and go do my shopping.

    Well, I have 3 daughters probably a lot older that you. They are my world. Glad we all live close. They all work so we do most of our visiting on the phone and laught and sometimes cry. God Bless me with my girls and they mean the world to me. Hope to hear you are doing better and you can message me anytime. I am on here everyday now. If you feel you need to vent, here I am.

    Take care, Sherry
  3. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    Hey, Chelz!

    You have just described me to a "T". I feel like a 22 year old trapped in an "almost 60" body. I know my birthday is coming in February and I'm looking forward to it about as much as a colonoscopy (come to think of it, that day wasn't SO bad...). My rheumy wants to do double knee replacement surgery the minute I get back from vacation in October. My so-called "grown" kids are fighting with each other, and if I tell them ANYTHING connected with my health, they ignore me completely. "Mom" is ALWAYS available to listen, never mind calling her at any hour of the day or night, despite the fact I am 4 hours behind them, what's she got to do anyway?

    But you know what? SO WHAT?!! I am the ONLY "me" there is! And I am special. So special, in fact, that I am a treasure in myself. Pyramids? More than one. Precious stones? Lots of them. Wonders of the world? Lots. ME? Uno, one, singular, no duplicates, never was, never will be. And despite all my pain, all my aches, all my bad days, and all the bad things going on in the world, I can HONESTLY look in the mirror and decide what I want to be. I can be a pinpoint of light, or I can be a raging inferno. But either way, the choice was and is mine. Life is not without sacrifice, and I know I have had some really awful, incredibly lousy days. But I try at least once a week, to get out to a dock which overlooks a windswept wetland by Cook Inlet. It is framed by towering mountains, one of which is an active volcano. At first glance, it looks desolate. But if you take a GOOD look and are patient, you can see a caribou munching grass, a hawk looking for rabbits and an eagle teaching her young how to fish. A coyote came last night - his tracks are in the mud. The cranes are getting ready to migrate, and the flowers have fallen off the fireweed. And all of this is where I used to think there was "nothing". It's mine. All l have to do is take the time to look.

    And you can too. Beauty is still there. Maybe it's a little harder to find these days. But if a small bird can fly straight through a hurricane all the way to Bermuda (ABC news 8/29) and survive, then we can too!


  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Is it possible that hormonal changes are causing changes in your outlook, tastes and emotions? I have been on hormone replacement since my mid-40's but recently have been trying Pregnenalone supps instead as they also help with DHEA. Jam suggested this and it seems to be working even better.

    I also had to start taking blood pressure meds and they can reduce norephinephrine in the brain. This affected my sleep and caused some of the changes you describe above. Could it be that your brain chemistry has changed?

    Finally, when I'm tired and try to push through to get things done, I completely lose any patience I might otherwise have. As I grow older, I no longer have patience for stupid vulgar comedy either. I still laugh at off color jokes, movies, TV series, etc. but I do not find humor in tasteless, really vulgar topics. You know, the stuff which makes immature boys guffaw.

    If there is no medical condition for changes, just accept that we do change as we age. I have trouble accepting the physical changes in my body but, unless I'm sick, I'm calmer and more accepting and less judgemental than I used to be. In many respects, I'm happier. One of my friends, who is a few years older than I, said she likes being older because she doesn't care what others think of her. I guess you could say that getting older is a kind of freedom from the cares we once had.

    Love, Mikie
  5. simpsons

    simpsons Member

    mikie could well be right its worth checking this out with your dr, thyroid changes come with this illness. in fact endocrine system is much involved

    its worth checking out anyway, check out hypothyroidism which can lead to mood changes and depression

    i also feel this way atm, its a hard old time we get here, a medical herbalist can be a great help in modulating the immune system. always try to get one someone else has been seeing for this dx for a while.

    hope this is just a blip and you pull back soon, we all get it from time to time

    smple things like folic acid low levels can make you feel v down too so worth getting off to the dr for blood tests

    i sat on the bus the other day with a very senior lady who really made me laugh,
    she may have been long time retired but seemed not to be bothered and dressed in bright colors prada handbag bright colours so age seems no limit to fashion. i was glad i met her :) though still recovering from journey

  6. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Thank you for the posts. BDTMU516, your post almost made me cry (maybe this is hormonal after all, LOL) I appreciate so much you saying that I sound like a good person and that I have helped others on the board, that meant so much to me as well as all of the posts from you guys.

    I really feel I can only talk to all of you, honestly. As far as hormones go, I hate to think about it really. My monthly cycles are very normal still, so I don't know if it's that, but even if it is, what is there out there for us to take? I won't take antidepressants, I don't think they have anything to do with menopause anyway, too many nasty side effects. Birth control bills are out of the question at my age (46) and again too many side effects.

    There are a few things I did not mention that I do believe is contributing to my feelings. I'm not married, have no boyfriend, no children and I'm ill with FM, well, you all knew about the FM.

    I honestly think If I had a good marriage, or at least a decent one, some children and better health, I would be okay with my age. Geeeeezz I hate to admit that, but it's true. I would feel loved and would feel lovable despite my illness.

    At the office where I work, two of my co-workers got engaged, one is having a baby, one just bought a beautiful (I mean beautiful) house with her fiancee and they are healthy.

    I live with my mom, have only a few friends, am ill all the time you know the drill, one thing after another with these illnesses and it makes me feel unattrative. On Monday, all the girls in the office wanted to go outside to eat lunch, but the walk was too long for me, so I stayed inside feeling sorry for myself, but hey, wouldn't anybody? My hips were on fire, my upper back was tensing too much, I felt brain fog, and I didn't want to listen to any of their stories.

    Life has passed me by because it has. It's too late for anything anymore. Even though I do have friends at work and outside of work, sometimes I wonder why? They all have marriages, in-laws, children, good jobs, their own homes, they all look great. Okay, is it any wonder I feel the way that I do? Wouldn't anyone?

    The only compliment I get is that my friends sometimes forget I have FM because they say I try to do things and I get up every morning, dress up, and go to work.

    I spent my 20's and 30's battling my FM, I gained a ton of weight from prescription drugs, I didn't feel or look nice at all. I have come a long way from then.....................but I also struggled a lot, and that struggling made me a more serious person, not fun anymore, I am exhausted and it's not fair. Some of the drugs I took made me only worse and I had to try extremely hard to overcome that while everyone else was finding mates, getting homes, and lives, I continued to struggle everyday. Maybe I am a little bitter and embarrassed of how I wound up, I don't know, it is very difficult to say those words, but it's true. I can't turn the clock back, and there isn't anything to look forward to, I just exist here without much substance or importance to my life.

    Only people who have FM or any other chronic illness would understand this. Another thing, I do not discuss my FM much with my friends, they don't understand, I feel cheated because I WAS cheated. Sorry so dismal, really am, but that is where I am and I feel so stuck, it's eating me up. I have to go lay down now, it's getting late, but I love you guys, really do. Hugs, Chelz.