I became a Christian in 1995, and it was truly the most awesome thing that had ever happened to me. I attended church without fail, studied scripture, and felt the presence of God. In 1997, I began the slow slide into depression. I hooked up with a Christian counselor. By 1999, I was in a devastating depression, and had a breakdown. I still went to church every Sunday. In the beginning of 2000, I just stopped going, and never gave my congregation the courtesy of a good bye or even an explanation. I had lost my faith. I felt like God was not there anymore. I felt the absence in me; the emptiness returned. I kept questioning where on earth was God for his hurting people? I wasn't just thinking of myself. Starving children, mentally ill homeless sleeping in boxes, poverty stricken people, abuse, etc....Where is He? I look back on my days with my congregation mostly with fondness, and I miss the little things--singing hymns, greeting the little old ladies, the bell ringing at 10am. I miss that time, and yet, I would not give my heart to God again. I know this is kind of rambling, and I don't even know if it makes sense. Maybe I did not have faith to begin with.